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How To Become A Loving Truckers Wife
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For the Stay at Home Spouse . . .

A Message From Jennifer Schnittker

It does not matter where you are in your relationship. Whether it’s a rut, on the back burner, or in a best place it can possibly be. There is always room for Improvement.

**Note to reader. The only way to improve your relationship is to actually work on it. There is no magical wand that I can wave above your head, or a can of “instant fix” that I can spray on your marriage! **

Now, on to the work we have to do. Have you ever worried about your husband meeting someone on the road? Have you ever wondered how he sleeps at night while you are arguing? Have you ever wondered why he chose the life of a truck driver? Well in a series of articles, I intend on covering everything from your personal daily life, to your relationship with your children, and even the nitty-gritty of your sex life. My purpose here is to get YOU (not your spouse) to stop and take a real long look at yourself and a real long look at each and every relationship in your family, and evaluate YOUR position there! In order for any change to be made, we must first start within ourselves.

“Power of Your Mind”

Newton ’s Laws of Motions states that every action has an equal and greater reaction. As with physics this can apply to basic human psyche. Example: If you are nagging, bitchy, hateful, aggressive, and just in general miserable, have you noticed your family’s reaction to this? Usually it will consist of your children fighting more, your husband distancing himself from you, and possibly in the end—the outcome is not at all what you had hoped for.

I have been part of this scenario more than once—and clearly what I have witnessed first hand is my husband shortening his calls (if he calls at all). My children being aggressive verbally with each other and the “all over mood” of the house are one of unhappiness, and stress. I once wrote a paper in my Bachelors degree on the power of thought. It was such a hit, that afterword I had more than 25 students in a 100 student class come up to me, and ask me about it. It was amazing how many people actually wanted to know how to “Train their thought pattern”—it can be done!!!!!

Let’s start with us. How can we change how we feel about “His decision, that we had no choice in?” Believe it or not, the mind is a VERY powerful tool. As unbelievable as this is going to sound, you have got to “recondition” yourself and what you are feeling.

Point blank and specific, you can make yourself believe anything! You can make yourself believe that you “hate your husband/wife driving for a living”, or you can make yourself believe “he is doing it for us—not to run away, but to give us the best he possibly can.” Simply by telling yourself that over, and over again may not always be enough. Become proactive in what he does. Educate yourself. There are many things you can do to get onto the same page with your husband—the more time you invest into getting to know what he does, how he does it, the regulations that guide it, the more positive your attitude will become. You will find yourself looking at this negative situation in a brand new light.

“Life is 10% of what happens to me, and 90% of how I deal with it.” – Charles Swindell.

“I had the blues, because I had no shoe’s until upon the Street, I met a man who had no feet.” – Unknown.

What profoundly life changing sentences and sayings those are if you truly place those into your life, burn them into your brain, and work hard to make those sayings “positive thoughts” in your daily life. Charles Swindell- This statement is about what? That’s right Positive attitude and mind set. Ok- so your husband is gone all the time. What are you going to do about it? Cry? Fall apart? Divorce him and become single? What and how exactly is that going to make your situation or your children’s situation better? No matter where you are or in what stage of your life, being negative about situations only leads to distress; as well as painful and less than well thought out decisions.

Whether your negative attitude is toward your own self-esteem, your outlook on your marriage, or your outlook on your children, it needs to be changed. All negative thought’s lead to negative consequences! Simply looking at it with a more Positive Attitude will make A HUGE difference in all areas of your life.

Having the Blues- We all feel self pity- everyone does. Statements such as: I am a single wife and I hate it, or I have no say so in this decision, or even I will just find someone else who wants me, all these statements are not only self-defeating, but also a large part of a very destructive thought pattern. It is your choice to “feel sorry for yourself”. It is literally our outlook that can make or break the family, the marriage, and even your own relationship with yourself!!!! Having the Blues- We all feel self pity- everyone does. Statements such as: I am a single wife and I hate it, or I have no say so in this decision, or even I will just find someone else who wants me, all these statements are not only self-defeating, but also a large part of a very destructive thought pattern. It is your choice to “feel sorry for yourself”. It is literally our outlook that can make or break the family, the marriage, and even your own relationship with yourself!!!!

Here are some things you can do to put yourself into a more positive mindset regarding your Truck Driving Spouse:

(This will NOT happen over night. Do what I mention, and begin to force yourself to think that way)

1.) Educate yourself!!!

Instead of crying, do something about it!

Start looking into guidelines-and federal regulations. Ask yourself “how much do I know about the trucking industry?” Do you know how logs work? Do you know any of the regulations that guide these drivers? How much time is spent in the berth? How much time is spent on duty? How much time can they have behind the wheel?

(This shows that you are interested in what he does and by default keeps you in the game. Not only that, if he is going to make trucking a career, your knowledge could help grow trucking into a profitable successful business that you both work as a team. Many couples evolve into the husband buying one or more trucks and the wife does the paperwork, dispatching, brokering, etc. All depends on what level they decide to take the business to. One of the beauties of trucking is the range of possibilities from company driver to business owner of one trucker to trucking company of multiple units. My input. Hervy)

2.) Talk to Your spouse about what he does.

What does your husband do daily? How does he secure his loads? How does he tarp them (if needed). What happens when he gets to the place that he loads, or unloads? What about his inspection logs. There is so much to know. Once you start opening those lines of communication, the relationship between yourself and your husband will flourish.

3.) Become Active

Mapquest,one of my favorite tools. Ask your husband where he is going, and map quest from place to place. Then when you do talk to him, and he says “I am______________” You can look it up, and feel as if you know where he is!

4.) Positive Thinking Exercise

Write on 20 pieces of paper “I am PROUD to be a Driver’s wife” and put these all over your house. On your computer, mirrors, headboard, above your toilet, on your favorite book, on your fridge, on your T.V put them everywhere that you look. Every time you see that paper, repeat those words to yourself with TRUE CONVICTION and out loud about 5-10 times each! This reminds you daily, even hourly of what your ultimate goal is. Your ultimate goal should be to improve your communications, your thought patterns about your spouse occupation, and your outlook regarding your role in that occupation.

5.) Love Letters to Express Your Feelings

Write your husband love letters (NO NEGATIVITY). Yes, this seems silly—but not only does it boost how you feel in a positive way, but it is also letting your spouse know that you love him, and support him. Then place these love letters in his bag or somewhere that you know he will find them. This gives him something to look at, something that will bring a smile to his face. It is a positive way to leave him with thoughts of you while he is gone!

If you’re not into writing, buy a card, and put it in his bag saying something like “I will miss you when you’re gone, and I cannot wait to see your handsome smiling face again. Be Safe and Hurry Home My Love”. You will be amazed at what it will do for your relationship.

6.) Keep Yourself in His Thoughts All day!!

While he is gone, dress up (in what ever way you please) Looking your best, and of course your sexiest (remembering however, if you are taking these to Wal-Mart, you don’t want to be nude)

Take pictures with the intention of putting them in the card or love letter. Each time, put a different sexy picture into the card or love letter.

I have done this with my husband; he now has very erotic pictures of me smiling all over his truck. (NO NOT NUDE) Every TIME he climbs into his truck, he thinks about what? ME!! So what if you don’t like the way you look—Clearly HE DOES! That is truly all that matters!

7.) Make his Home time a Pleasant and rewarding experience!

When he calls to let you know he is coming home start planning a small welcoming party.

Get some candles, your sexiest outfit and go out of your way to make sure that he knows you are ecstatic about him coming home. Clean the house, prepare a nice menu, and dress up for him—wearing your sexiest outfit. Run your husband a hot bath just before him getting home, and meet him at the door with a huge smile and a great attitude.

Take him into your arms, hug him, kiss him, and make sure he knows you are so glad to see him. (Now also remember, it has been a trying and tiring time for him, he may not be responsive at first, but keep trying) Take him upstairs and bath him---yes that’s right, I said bath him! Pamper him-the reason for this is that the more pleasantries he has when coming in the door—the more often he will want to return home.

I realize some of this may seem difficult because of young children. So plan it accordingly. Think about it like this. If you came home from being gone for a while, and are met with aggravation, arguing, and stress—do you really want to come home? No- so make sure you make it a wonderful and memorable situation every time he walks in that door.

After a while he will be more likely be excited about coming home. This type of situation will make him happy, and put him in a mood that will be conducive to re-establishing a loving connection.

8.) It wont happen the very first time!

Finally, be prepared for set backs. It may seem that it is not making a difference, but with a positive attitude, it will eventually start to settle in (hey I did not say that trying to change anything was easy, it takes diligence, commitment, and above all consistency!)
** IN the end, it is you the Spouse who “runs the house, while he run’s the road.” If YOU want your husband to be happy---then you have to be positive. If you want your husband to WANT to come home, then you must create an environment that he misses terribly while he is gone. We all have our roles in life. We must understand the role we play in each and every relationship in our lives.

A Positive attitude is a must as a Driver’s wife. Negative attitudes will only lead to divorce. I understand how hard it is. But follow these tips- and you will find that slowly the relationship will get better. I also realize that it cannot be all one sided. If you are doing all the work and he is doing all the taking. But the only place you can start is with YOU. Lead by example, and others will follow.

Thank you, and God Bless

Jennifer Anderson-Schnittker

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Other Articles From Jennifer

Parenting Tips For Truckers Wives
How To Become A Loving Truckers Wife

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