A question from a grumpy trucker's girl...

by Heather
(Michigan)

This is us :)

My fiance has been an over the road trucker for a few years. He was lucky enough to get a local job right after we met. Sadly, he was laid off and is back OTR. Now he is becoming very grumpy to say the least. He hates trucking, he wants out, but in today's economy, it would be asking for trouble just to quit. We have a wonderful relationship other than his mood swings. He gets very bitter about our house, etc because he can't be here to enjoy it. I think he may be depressed and lonely,but there is no way his manly ego is going to say, "Yes! Sure I will listen to this motivational cd as I drive!" He will be open to other suggestions if he knows it will help our relationship. We have only been fighting bad the last few days. It hurt s so much that I think I need to break up with him so he doesn't have to worry about a home to miss, or extra bills to pay because of me. He has been in other relationships where he was OTR, and didn't mind as much. He says it is because he didn't love them like he does me. I love him as well, but his attitude is driving me nuts. He apologizes and reliezes he is wrong, but I don't think he can really help how he feels. He doesn't want to hurt me or make me feel bad but he is. What can I do? Are there things I should/shouldn't say/do? Would the best thing be to break up? Please any suggestions or advice will help. I'm obviously not a trucker and therefore, can not fully understand what he is going though.

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May 06, 2009
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Thank you so much already!
by: Heather

This is Heather, the one who wrote the post, I wanted to say thank you to all of your comments posted so far. Y'all definitely shined some light on things I didn't think of. And sometimes the most simplest things are over-looked until someone else points them out for you.

Hervy said some other truckers might be able to shine some more light on my situation. Before they do, I was going to add a few things so I can get the best advice possible...
I have been working as well, just not as of a few days ago, but I am actively searching jobs again.
And I have my son, but he will be going away to his father's for the summer and would LOVE to ride with him through the summertime.

I went out with him for two weeks, can't say it's all great all the time, but it was an awesome adventure... Ended up sitting in El Paso..(I love El Paso!) Maybe I can really talk him into doing that! Your right, that will let us save up a lot!!

The thing is, he has grown EXTREMELY bitter of the road. I am thinking that there are more underlying issues on his part, but I don't know how to really help him. He is a great man and would do anything for me, apologizes all of the time for griping so much. (griping is an understatement, lol) I think he is so miserable that he has gotten depressed.

This tour is really the only "bad" one we have had, and he has been gone for 8 days now..
Now, we stay in constant contact.. ALL the time... Only time we don't is when he is either too grumpy or he is not able to get a signal. Could this be making things worse?

Words can not express how thankful I am for your advice and words of wisdom. I am very appreciative that you have taken your time to help me. May God bless all of you and keep you safe and happy!

May 06, 2009
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I think there is hope for the grumpy trucker's girl
by: Hervy

Hello Heather,

It's nice to a see you care enough about the relationship to be seeking answers. Says a lot about you and your feelings for your trucking boyfriend. It says a lot about him too. Evidently you want to make it work. Sounds like he does too. This sounds like a good foundation for hope leading to success to me.

You don't know exactly what it is like to be on the road but you seem to be smart enough to realize that and you are thoughtful enough to consider his side of the situation. He is is lucky Heather, you seem like a winner and a keeper for him.

I am wondering if you have a discussion to the level of honesty with him that you did in your post. Does he know how much negativity he is bringing into the relationship, if you haven't talked to him about it, he might not know the impact it is having. There is nothing unmanly about listening to motivational stuff or relationship cd's if he wants to keep you and make the relationship strong. Let him know that.

Also,

I noticed you didn't mention kids. Is that because there aren't any. . .

My next observation (Unlessed I overlooked something) is that you didn't say that you were working. If that is also true . . .

Why don't you ride with him.

If you guys are renting, give up the spot along with the bills and live on the road for a few months to save, save, while working on a plan for and looking for another local job.

I am expecting the economy to pick a lot by the end of the year and maybe he will find another local.

Meantime. You could be working on some extra income. Start an internet business or you could do some online or correspondence training so that you can get a job when you jump back out of the truck, because the local job might not pay as much depending on whats available where you are at but at least you will continue to see each other.

I think you guys can make this work. Hopefully Jennifer or Julie will also weigh in soon.

Hope this helped in the meanwhile.

Hervy

May 05, 2009
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Hey Girl
by: Anonymous

Commitment level is the issue if you can just walk away. Patience and understanding without fighting is maturity. Driving and staying away from loved ones is not fun, especially when the driver feels stress from home. It is a cold hard life alone, then get home and argue about it is not cool.

Sometimes it is best to not say anything at all than add to the problem. If you are committed then be totally supportive of him and his work and if/when he decides to quit or stay. The mood swings are his and he must learn to handle his own feelings without blaming you or overly venting toward you in a manner to harm the relationship.

Sooner or later you will resent him coming home if not. Or vice/versa. I'm not jumping on your back here, OK!, just been through too much BS myself and it's not worth it! Two people cant love each other and fight at the same time for long! GOOD LUCK!

May 05, 2009
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Heather needs to know.
by: Jimmy

Hi Heather, this is Jimmy. I just wanted to acknowledge your post. I am lousy at giving advice re: your situation. Hating your job does lead to other 'problems' as is your case. But, no job would be even worse. We have a couple lady contributors that may jump in and be able to console you. Remember, it's not a perfect world out there. Concentrate on what you do have, not on what you don't. Jimmy

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