after he lies

Hi,

Me and my fiancee have hit a really rough spot. He lied about alot of things, white lies really even some good intentioned.

However with this type of work I don't feel like it's dealt with and I question everything. I am also dealing with resentment and swallowing my pride. I don't talk about it when he gets home because I'm so happy to see him.... then he leaves and I become resentful and sad.

I have also got into the bad habit of texting him how i feel since he's always on the road. I don't know how to fix this, or deal with it. I really want to because we do love each other very much; any input and advice is appreciated

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May 31, 2010
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honesty and trust
by: Anonymous

well honesty is very important in a marriage especially when you are apart. you begin to think if he lies about this what else is he lying about and no one not he or you want that so you both need to be honest . maybe he buys things cause he is lonely or just bored it would be lonely out alone and when you see somthing you like its hard when you dont have someone there to say maybe you should think on it. there is no excuse for lying im just saying that you and he need to see life from the other persons vantage point i have been married to a trucker for 22 yrs and let me tell you we have been through alot , i love this man more than anything and i am grateful for his sacrifice to our family . its hard being a family , we have to work hard at it , i think alot of people just think marriage just happens but it is alot of hard work and sacrifice and maybe keeping your mouth shut when you deserve to scream at the top of your lungs .. i pray you and your trucker come to an understanding and comprimise and know God is in control and pray alot .......

Nov 30, 2009
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Restoring trust after discovering lies
by: Hervy

Hello ladies,

Hate to see you going through those stressful issues.

I agree that you can't and shouldn't hold it inside, it will eat you and eventually affect your attitude and personality.

I also agree that your right texting a little about it here and there would probably quickly become non effective and accomplishing positive results.

So what do you do.

Well I think a serious meeting must be called with him, no phone or other distractions. It will seem strange and that is the intention to highlight the importance.

He will want to know what's the big deal?

The big deal is, "I love you and I want our relationship to work, so there is something serious that I must tell you in order for our relationship to be as strong as possible. I was thinking that if you feel the same way about me and our relationship as I do about you and our relationship you will understand how important this is to me and agree to this quiet time together so we can talk"

You know something to that extent.

During that time you try to get on the same page.

What do we want for our future? Happy long lasting loving relationship with financial stability and trust should be what you are able to get out of him eventually. (That's what couple with a normal brain and common sense would want right?)

Ok, from there....

We need to make sure we are doing the things that will end putting us in that position.

Now you break down what is going on and determining if it will lead to the desired end result and if not here are the changes that need to be made if we truly want the end result we stated earlier.

I am pretty sure they haven't look at their actions this way and they may not even realize the negative impact it is having on the relationship.

Oh, and of course while your pointing out what is being done that is counter productive also mention how much it hurts but make sure you don't try to make him feel bad about it just show him that your in pain and in concern for the relationship because it's going to change your personality and how you feel if things can get turned around simply because it would mean NEVER reaching the goals you have envisioned for the relationship.

With the money spending make sure you have suggestions on how to save on the road. You are right it's nice to spend on your self but there still is no reason to waste money every check especially if there is a goal your trying to reach.

Sacrifices are needed to reach goals, it's pointless to spend time away from family over the road and then try to justify it. The point is to provide for the family and save not self indulge if the family is suffering.

I hope this helps ladies and good luck. I know it's easier for me to say then it is for you to do but some variation of what I said I feel MUST be done, doing nothing or the same thing is definitely no a plan for future happiness or prosperity and the longer it is permitted the less likely it is to change.

Hervy

Nov 27, 2009
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Guys give input plz :)
by: Anonymous

I think some input from the guys would be good in all honesty... and what it's like, how it feels on their end of this.

I'm sure everyone deals with this the nature of humanity and the job :)

Also how can we communicate, and address our feelings and issues without drawing it out, or making him worry on the road

Nov 26, 2009
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Finding time to talk
by: BabyBear

I deal with the same things over & over & my hubby also lies to me on what he buys over the road & I am not to sure how to fix it either but I feel like I am always yelling at him &

I guess shit had hit the fan for me also I can only try so much & so hard & I am about ready to walk away but I have also learned that they cant just make money & not spend anything on them self I guess you just might want to try to talk to him about it & ask him why ?

stop keeping things to your self he has got to know what you think & feel I really don't know what to say to this one as I am dealing with the same thing & I am kinda stuck my self

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