Am I wrong? Need some insight.

by Chris
(New York, NY)

Hi everyone, my boy friend of almost 3 years has decided to change his career. He will be leaving for his 3 week training in a week. I am very supportive of his decision even with my doubts and worries about bills (which are already backed up).

That's really not the issue, we moved into our own apartment 8 months ago but before then we lived with my mother and my 10 year old daughter. When we moved in together he brought his 17 year old son to live with us because he wanted to get his son out of a living environment where the mother doesn't work never cleans the house and really is not paying his son attention.

His son is over all a good kid, he is ok in school he's also in basketball. But his mother never taught him the basics of life like personal hygiene and responsibilities in the house. So now that his father is choosing to make this drastic change in feeling very conflicted because I'm basically going to have this whole responsibility of a teen that is REALLY lazy.

I feel it's unfair to leave basically most the time and leave me with his son that doesn't help. I work full time and love my house in order.

I have a 10 year old I have to deal with myself. I feel like his son should move back with his mother. Am I wrong?

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Nov 01, 2016
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An undisciplined 17 year old boy....
by: Anonymous

.. welcome to Hell.

He won't listen to you. He will probably spy on you, so you will always be on guard, especially in the shower.

You will be cleaning up things that normally you would just throw into the washer and thinking..."what is this?" and "maybe I should just throw this away..."

You will have a talk with dad. Dad will tell son. Son will wait til dad leaves and you are now the enemy.

The wrath of a lazy, stinky, 17 year old teenager is nothing to laugh about.

Let dad take him with him on the truck... he can spend his days in the sleeper doing what he does best: Nothing... and ... ya know.

It's not fair for dad to leave him with you. Not in any way, shape or form...unless the kid works and helps and contributes to the family.

He won't... we already know that, so nip it... before it gets ugly.

O.K... so, I just played the Devil's advocate... and I also have (had) a teenage son. It doesn't get better with age. He lives with me and I deal with him...

His mom couldnt even begin to tend to him the way he needs tending

Teenage boys are the devil... just so you know...

Oct 31, 2016
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Not really wrong or right
by: Hervy

You are not wrong to feel conflicted. That is a huge adjustment. However, I always say we need not to get caught up in terms and labels.

You are not right or wrong. I think you are normal to feel the way you do. The question is what do you do?

I don't know.

I have questions though and if you haven't done this then it is a start. The teens father needs to have a serious talk with the teen about him listening to you just as if you are his mom. He can't come in your home and do what he wants. (problem is he is 17 now, a little late for discipline) Hopefully the father has been in his life and has some influence.

It seems that it is just a tuff situation. If this is the only way that guy has determined he can make a living, I guess it is what it is. If there are other options though, that's what he needs to do. He shouldn't be leaving home after bringing the kid home with all of those issues for you to deal with. (In my opinion. Obviously the teen needs structure, discipline, guidance and support)

So there needs to be some serious discussion between the 3 of you about how things are to go down and what the consequences are for noncompliance.

My 2 cents. Unfortunately, doesn't seem like an easy out for this. But basically ask your boyfriend to be as much of a man as possible in this situation tell him you AND his son needs that in him. (In other words don't be trying to escape responsibility and think about how to make the best out of this.)

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