Baffled and Brokenhearted

by Suzy Kabloozy
(Chatsworth, CA)

Ladies, I can understand your pain and confusion.

A month or 6 weeks ago, I posted a profile in here and I added my story of how proud I was to be trucker's woman. I love my man with all my heart -- still do.

The problem is, in just that very short period of time, on Monday he says he no longer loves me. This is after he didn't show up for the weekend and didn't even call. I don't know what happened. I'm devastated. He made so many stupid excuses, like he doesn't want to disappoint me (I never expressed disappointment) or he knows I hate his job (I never said I hated his job, his schedule, anything). When he got this job, I know he loved me. I could see it and I could feel it.

Most of his trips home were good. A couple he was distant, but I thought he was tired and he has been known to sometimes be moody. I gave him his space.

I'm the kind of woman who will feed you, love you and hand you the remote. I'll rub your tired feet or back. I'll keep the kid quiet while you're asleep. I'll listen endlessly to the stories about truck stops and back roads after dark.

I'm the kind of woman that when you're on the road, I'll take care of myself without tears or guilt. I always answer the phone or at least call back quickly so you won't worry. I look up things on maps or find fuel stations that take your fuel card. I tell you I love you and I'm proud of you and I'm proud to be your girl.

Not to blow my own horn, but I'm not sure how I really could have done it much better.

I've known this man for years. I know this is not another woman. The isolation is not good for some people and he is one of them. I think he is using drugs, to be perfectly honest. He is a former drug addict, so it's not a big stretch. This brings up more worries, of course. I don't want him to kill himself or anyone else, but without proof what can I do? I don't want to make him lose his job if I'm wrong.

Even in the heartbreak, all I can do is release him with love. God loves this man and he has a plan for him and I just want him to be alright.

I wrote this for support and as an explanation of why I was so enthusiastic about being here and then just gone again. And also, finally, for prayers for my baby. Well, not my baby any more, but God's creation. My heart is truly broken, but I know God can fix the deepest hurts.

Peace & love, Suzy

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Aug 02, 2012
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Good for you!! :) NEW
by: Anonymous

Now we're talking!!

Sacrifice can have its bad points. As I said you deserve better and never fear being alone! You have your children and what happens when they grow up and have children will be one big surprise of joy when they start their own family and give you those adorable grand babies!!

Your children also deserve to be around a person who is solid like yourself and without interruption from a man who has no clue! You want them to have the chance to make good choices about who they choose as a mate.

You are making good choices and they will too.

Wow Nursing, this is a great field to enter into today as the jobs are plentiful in the health care industry and will be for many years to come as the job market announces! You will make good money to support you and your children and you will have child support as well. Things will get better and you will prosper!!

I wish you well in all you do and God Bless!
Stay Strong

Aug 02, 2012
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I appreciate your honesty NEW
by: SLM

I do appreciate ur honesty and I have been doing for myself. I guess the thing is I quit my job to be a at home mom and to go back to school that was the agreement. Since he was not going to be here to help get the kids around. So I was gonna go back to school to get my nursing license. I would have never thought that this would happen to me in a million years. I never even seen it coming. He made it seem as if everything was fine and nothing was wrong. Well the phone is off, the bank is cleaned out, and I am moving on. I am gonna get out of TN for good. He wants to move on then that we can do. All I can say is look for me. Nowhere to be found!

Aug 01, 2012
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Well You Asked!! NEW
by: Anonymous

It seems from your post that eveything you did for your hun,helping him with his dreams came back to haunt you?

So I guess a reverse would be in order?? Ya think??

Do for you, do everything to make you happy and content as well as your children and do nothing for him. he is a grown MAN!! He can fix his own lunch and stock up his own truck, if he knows how to wash his own A_ _ he can feed himself as well. If he needs to be on the road to impress other women then he should be able to wash his own clothes and groom himself!

Why would you do this for him?

Begin to take YOU into consideration first!!

Dont pay for his phone if he wants to talk with these other womenthen why pay for it?? He can get his own phone with a complete new number so you dont have to look at wht he is doing, as well you can have your own new number that he can no longer see what you are doing.

This will help you from viewing the calls he amkes and you will be less upset at the situation, because quite frankly he may not be with this new fling now, but when the oppurtunity arises he will find another one!

Cheaters will be cheaters some things just dont change.

So in a nutshell save yourself and forget about the rest of the drama!! You deserve more than that.....and especially from yourself!!

Well you asked!! God Bless

Aug 01, 2012
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I understand ur pain as well NEW
by: SLM

Just about 5 days ago, I get a call from the hubs and he tells me that our relationship has been over for years and that I need to be mom and he be dad and we just be friends. Well i have been with this man when he had nothing. I mean not even 2 nickels to rub together to say he had 10 cents. I ove this man with all my heart and soul. Come to find out that he had a run to Massachusetts and he had an old fling that lived up there. So I know it was going to be some mess from that. He had been acting kind of strange the last time he came home and then when I looked up on the call log for the cell phone there was the girls home and cell number on the call log. I am not gonna be here paying the cell bill for him to talk to some b**** on my minutes. the funny thing is when I went to see him the last day he was here b/c he was suppose to have a run out but didnt so he stayed with the truck, the moment I left him he called her and stayed on the phone for hours. We have 5 kids together and he is telling me that I dont need to tell the kids anything b/c we might be able to reconcile. Really? I am gonna let you just waltz back into my life after you have had your fling? I dont think so buddy. I have been knowing this man for 18 yrs and we have been together for 12 yrs. How can I just cut my love off for him after all this long time? How can I not stand up and fight for him? I do nothing but take care of his every need when he is on the road and off. If he needs extra money I put it in the acct. When he comes home I stock up the truck. When he wants to talk till 6 in the morning I stay up and talk. I dont understand. I really dont see what I did wrong. Can somebody Please help me understand.

Jul 22, 2012
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I am sooo Happy for you!! NEW
by: Helonwheels

You have stood your ground and you are a very brave woman for explaining your troubles to us here on this site. In hopes that more women will be given this knowledge and they too can be strong and move forward in living a more healthier lifestyle. I commend you for your bravery! I am so happy you have moved yourself up and out of this relationship!

As a victim of Domestic Violence caused by drug and alcohol abuse I understand first hand what it takes to leave this type of lifestyle behind. Through education, awareness, the grieving process, also the power of knowing what is best for me has lead me to live a more sustainable happier and healthier lifestyle, it is also my duty to help others to become aware of what is in store for them if they continue to live this horrid lifestyle!

I am here to stay and will never stop helping to bring realization to those who may think that it is okay to live like this because it is the only life they have known. My work for God will keep me busy which in turn helps me.

Thank you for being here for me! :)
Helonwheels

Jul 22, 2012
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Believe Me, I'm Done With It! NEW
by: Suzy Kabloozy

I couldn't agree with you more, Helenwheels! I am through with this man. I'll grieve, sure, because I loved him and all, but I love myself more. Only reason I was trying to call was because I wanted my money and card back. It sure isn't to cry or ask him back again.

I am also sorry for what you're going through, Ladybug. I agree with the wise and wonderful, Helenwheels. We deserve better! Get help!

Ewww, and lot lizards? That's just gross. If that's what he wants, he's getting what he deserves.

Keep your head up!
Suzy

Jul 22, 2012
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I am saddened for the both of you! NEW
by: Helonwheels

I am sorry you both have been living a nightmare? But like all nightmares they must be addressed and finding the underlying issues that has caused you to continue on with this nightmare. At this point it can no longer be called "love" or "necessity" for the fact there are so many resources out there offered to women in this type of situation.

Let's remember "love" is not an emotion it is an action word, and the behaviors of these two men are not representing love. So what is happening here and if you choose to continue on with this type of relationship it could very well effect your mental state of well being and for all those who truly love you, it will indirectly effect them as well.

Ask yourself this do you want your children to end up marrying someone like this? Do you want your children to act like this with whom ever they choose as their mate? These behavioral traits can be handed down generation to generation.

In the meantime stay strong and get the help you need so that you may pull yourself up and out of these types of relationships. I will pray to God that he will give you the strength you need to get out and move on with your life and into a more healthy living environment because these types of relationships are not healthy!! Bottom line.

I am here if you need! :)
Helonwheels

Jul 22, 2012
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Janet - Ladybug NEW
by: Anonymous

Sorry to hear that U are going thru this I two am going thru this but it has been 32 yrs. If it is drugs I'm sure there is lot lizards too. i am just as heart broken as any truckers wife who has this happened to them.
Lots of prayers and moving on. time does heal but we will always love them.

Jul 22, 2012
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OMG, More! NEW
by: Suzy Kabloozy

So I discovered that he had taken my credit card and made a charge at a truck stop. Not a large charge, but nevertheless. When confronted, admitted to it but called it an "accident." How do you accidentally steal and use a credit card? Said he would bring me the money and the card, but now 2 days late on that, too. Won't answer phone, texts.

To answer your question, Anonymous, he was just my boyfriend. THANK YOU, JESUS! Can you imagine if I had to get myself legally out from under this?

I think I'm to the anger part of grieving now. Grrr! Hangin' on with both hands!

Dear Lord, please keep him safe and please keep me from temptation to hurt him. Amen!

XO, Suzy

Jul 21, 2012
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just wondering NEW
by: Anonymous

Is this your husband or a boyfriend?

Jul 21, 2012
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Good for you Suzy!! NEW
by: Helonwheels

You are a unique individual and deserve the best!!
HAPPY CAMPING!!! :)

Jul 21, 2012
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Thanks! NEW
by: Suzy Kabloozy

Thanks for your comments!

I wish I could be there for him, but he has cut me completely loose, won't answer the phone, etc. It's not my job to fight his battles and demons. When he gets like this, it's like watching an animal in the street. A car is coming and you just can't get there in time.

My faith will sustain, as well as my friends and family. Today we are going camping, just overnight, but there are a lot of friends going and it should be a good time. Help keep my mind off of it. I won't let one man ruin me, but I sure do miss the good parts.

Love to you,
Suzy

Jul 21, 2012
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Stay Strong... NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Honestly, I think this is a fear that most of us trucker wives/girlfriends can relate to whether we want to admit it or not.

Even though it might not be easy, try to be understanding of what he's experiencing as well. I'm not saying you should enable him or allow destructive behavior, but if he's in a depressive state as opposed to being under the influence of drugs, he's going to need your support.

It sounds like you're strong in your faith and I pray it will sustain you in these difficult times. Reach out to family and friends for comfort, grieve, pray, and make a life for yourself that you can be proud of.

I wish you the best! You'll be in my thoughts...

Jul 20, 2012
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You have done all that you possibly can NEW
by: Helonwheels

Well all you can do is wait. If he is using drugs he will be caught, companies use the random testing process to identify who is using drugs and who are not. Companies do not mess around. These companies are not stupid they have been in the business for years, they know addicts behaviors and will test on the spot if the person refuses the test or tries to get out of it when its ordered they get fired on the spot. Only time will tell.

As well you will have to deal with the breakup and one way is to move on while your ahead. He was like this before he met you and some things never change. Try not to take his affliction personal, this is his problem not yours and he will have to deal with it. Why wait around after all you did for him and then become his doormat, if you allow him to get away with it once again?

As well you also knew what he was before you took on the relationship, this blow may have been in the back of your mind somewhere, somehow, only with the signs you seem to have, you were able to put 2 and 2 together, so a prediction was in the fold.

Your a strong beautiful woman don't let what one bad man has done cloud your thinking, try and do whats best for you. God Bless

Helonwheels :)

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