Confused and alone

Well me and my trucker are not married but we have plans to be in the future. We have been together for 6 years now. We have 2 girls, one is almost 5 and I am currently 36 weeks pregnant. He has been driving for almost 2 years now and I must say it has been a big change since he started.

I love my trucker very much and cant see myself living without him, but in a way I kinda do. I mean he isn’t hardly ever home, and I know that’s part of the job but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I just miss the time we spent together before he started driving.

I feel alone most of the time. Yeah we talk on the phone everyday but its just not the same. Its hard and I know him being in a truck all week isn’t easy on him either, but he doesn’t show it. When he comes home he usually has plans to do whatever it is he is wanting to do, which is fine.

I know he has a life besides me but it would be nice to just spend a little more time with him. Sometimes when I do call him I feel like I am bothering him or like he doesn’t want to talk and that makes me feel weird and makes me wonder if we have the same plans for the future as a couple.

I love having my daughter and am looking forward to having my second one here soon, but I feel like a single parent and sometimes I need a break. Not only do I tend to her but I also work a full-time job and a full-time college student.

I am just stressed and overwhelmed. To be honest I don’t know how much longer I can go on feeling like this before I just reach my breaking point. I feel like I put in all this effort and get nothing in return. Like I said I love him very much but everyone has their breaking point

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Feb 20, 2016
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You'd better open up your mouth... NEW
by: Anonymous

..and start talking to him.

He chose this life and he chose you. You are speaking (and quite well, I might ad) to TOTAL STRANGERS here, and the fact of the matter is: He is the one you should be telling these things to.

Two years in?

Hell, my wife lasted 32 years and now she's gone and I don't blame her one bit. I wouldnt have blamed her 20 years ago, but it was the kids that kept her around.

We sit with this great office view, if he loves trucks like some of us do, there is a lot more time he is going to spending not just driving, but also with his rig, cleaning, polishing, etc. etc... going to truck shows.

This life is for nomads. Unless he is home every night as a local driver, he is on the road like a Gypsy.

You have to tell him how you feel and lay down the guidelines, expectations, etc.

He has to make a choice.

He may say "I make the money" but my wife woulda said in return "Yeah? well I take care of the kids, here....."

It goes both ways. Both of your jobs are equally important. Its nice that you have cell phones. For the first 15 years of my career, we didnt. We had to stop at payphones...and hope that they worked.. and sometimes they were Off Route and in bad neighborhoods.

Tell him how you feel, not us. Lay it down, lay it down...

You guys got a lot of years left ahead, they will fly by, but the point is, do you want whats left of those vague memories to be memories that are void of him? YOur kids will grow and have children, is he going to know their names, birthdays, etc.?

Things to think about. You notice that I dont discredit the industry, but some guys with families just dont belong out here and need to get a "regular or normal" job until the kids are grown and the wifey has her career in place.

Yeah, he's tired when he comes home, but getting up and "doing what he wants to do" is unacceptable.

Fix it.

Now.

That's my advice. You asked for it, right?

Both Hervy and myself have been doing this all of our lives. A lot of OTR truckers won't or can't even talk about these things.

You should listen.

Be cool.

Feb 19, 2016
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Not be confused
by: Hervy

I think you put your post together pretty well. I wonder if you have express the way you feel about the situation as well. You should let him read the post or copy it and give it to him if you can't express your feelings to him as well as you stated your feelings here.

You seem like a very nice, compassionate, and thoughtful person. Not to mention ambitious. I am sure he should be happy to see you. I have some thoughts....

Don't keep going assuming you are on the same page. Even though you are pregnant, it doesn't mean he plans to be around.

And if he does plan to be around, do you want him to be on the road for a career? Is that his intention? I bet you don't know.

So, you really need to have a heart to heart because number 1, I don't see why you have been together for 2 years doing things that married couples do without getting married unless neither of you want to be married. If you want to get married and he doesn't, the question is why.

If he walked away right now, could you survive taking care of 1 child and pregnant with another? Would you have to quit school? Work?

These are serious questions and things you should think about when moving forward. It all means you need to know what is on his mind. A man (keyword MAN) in love is not going to always have plans that doesn't include you when he comes home unless the fire has died out.

Has anything changed that caused the fire to die out. Can you do things differently that would make him look more forward to being with you? Weight gain? Naggin? (I have no idea, just posing questions but there is a reason for it...)

If you look honestly at those questions and you say no there is nothing that you can think of that has changed or that can be changed which would turn him off, that means it is likely to do with what is going on with him (mentally or otherwise).

But to find out for sure, directly ask him....."Is there a reason that you don't like spending time with me?"

His answer can't be, "I like spending time with you" because you said he is not spending time with you. So if it is, your response is like, "well you day that but you never spend time with me so that response from you doesn't make sense."

Yes he should have a life besides you, but he is also supposed to have one with you and those kids. Yous all are a family not just dating.

Now, remember, I only know what you have stated, just your side of the story. So, you know if there was exaggeration or anything left out. I can only respond based on assuming that I have all the information.

You have to take my thoughts realizing that I am responding to the limited information that i have. I think it is a good place to start though if you take in all that I said instead of picking and choosing what part to take in.

Honestly evaluate your situation and take any part of the advice that applies to your situation. Unfortunately, this advice is only the beginning of getting on the same page. Both of you have to have the same desire.

You might find that you can get clarity. If that is the case it actually clears up a lot...

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