Don't know who to turn to for answers about this relationship

by Anonymous

My husband has been doing trucking now for 6 months. I am a supportive loving wife that when he was home I would do everything for him & he had no need to look elsewhere.

Now I am not saying he is doing it but I just had a situation that makes me question his fidelity. The first month he was with his trainer & then took a final test & passed & the company gave him his own truck & a team driver which the fleet manager had them go from coast to coast which my husband wanted because he said that is where the money is & he did go into trucking due to 2 failed career moves & due to the economy.

Well his first team driver left him twice because it was a kid & he wanted to be home on the weekends to party with his buddies. The second & final time the kid left my husband, my husband went solo because the fleet manager had no one to give him till about a month later & they gave him this team driver.

Last month my husband calls me & tells me he has very severe chills & he can't get warm enough & the second night he slept he woke up in a very bad sweat from head to toe. Well his team driver told him to drink water & cranberry juice because his buddy had a prostate problem. Then my husband had blood in his urine.

Well I told him he needed to see a doctor. A few days pass & my husband told me his symptoms went away. Then a week later he tells me the symptoms came back with a vengeance. He then went to the local ER at a hospital in a city he was in.

I was alarmed when he called me & said the doc asked him his medical history & my husband told the doc he had no medical conditions well what alarmed me was the doc's next question & that was he asked my husband hey are you out there having unprotected sex & my husband told the doc no.

Well they gave my husband medication for it & told him when he gets home he needs to see a urologist but another thing I found odd was when my husband got out of the ER & went back on the truck, his team driver asked him if he could put up with him till Thanksgiving & then after that they are parting ways.

I asked my husband why did he say that & he said he never asked his team driver why. All my husband said was F**K him! I don't need him.

Well the team driver may know something I don't know & I will never know. I was just at my family doctor's office for a sinus infection & I got to see the PA (physician assistant) & I asked him if a UTI & prostatitis would give you severe chills & he said no.

And he told me that if my husband came there to get treated they would only give him an antibiotic for a UTI & they would not test him for STD because he is married. They usually test single young guys for that & I told the PA infidelity comes in all ages & all occupations!

Now I am not saying my husband strayed but he is not knowledgeable in medical stuff & diseases. Even though he told me he would never touch anyone out there because you don't know what they have but on the other hand even if my husband did do a 1 night stand even with a clean looking waitress, he would never tell me because I told him to stop in the gift shop at a truck stop & get those signs that you can put in the window with a picture of a lizard with a line through it & my husband tells me he never found those & he also told me he has been in a lot of truck stops & has not found lot lizards because he was not looking for them.

Now when he does come home I am afraid to get intimate with him even if he's cured of any infection because I will feel betrayed.

I don't have any proof but at the same time my husband would never tell me he's sorry & he did have a 1 night stand, but he's cured & he learned his lesson & he would never do it again.

I told the PA I am aware of the diseases out there that even if I was single, I would be much more happy to read my Kindle at night than be with a strange guy that I just met because you can't get a disease from the Kindle!

But if there are wives or girlfriends of truckers out there that has had the same situation, I sure would love to hear your comments!

Comments for Don't know who to turn to for answers about this relationship

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Nov 10, 2013
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To Hervy NEW
by: Anonymous

Dear Hervy,

I have always respected your opinions and your sound advice. However, the person who wrote the original post does not. With some people, it is like talking to wall, and this is one of those times.

Keep up the good work you do here and let it be known you are appreciated! :)

Thank you!

Nov 09, 2013
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Not What I Said NEW
by: Hervy

I realize that I gave a long response.

I DID NOT say that he should have not told you about the DR. I pointed out that he did and my point was if he was guilty of all the stuff you are insinuating, I don't think he would have mentioned it.

A lot of other stuff that I said too but I am not going to repeat it.

I now have more clarity about at least part of the problem. Up to you to what you do with this insight.

Your father hated truck drivers. You internalized all of that.

Now at the foundation of your thoughts, you filter all that happens through the lens that your father has created. (Truckers are corrupt, no good, etc)

You expect the worse from your husband and so you perceive everything that occurs regarding the relationship with him in a negative way.

I don't know what you husband is doing.

However, I do see by what you are saying that you are making a lot of assumptions and creating entire scenarios in your mind to support what your father told you about truckers.

You want to know who to talk to, talk to a reputable counselor or experienced life coach who specializes in relationships.

If I am right you will learn something very important about yourself and have the opportunity to improve your relationship with him and probably with people in general.

If I am wrong then you will be confirmed as making sound judgment and will be empowered to do whatever you think makes sense about your relationship.

Nov 08, 2013
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To the nasty person NEW
by: Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions as you have yours & I have mine & you shouldn't be so nasty but it shows in your personality & I don't care what you have to say or think because after these comments, I am not getting back into this posting!

You say my doctor's are looney tunes! You seem to bring that up a lot because that is all you know. You got nothing better to say than that & doctor's have an advanced education unlike you who sound like you have none since your spelling & grammar sucked!

I feel sorry about your life & luck & God I hope you don't have children or grandchildren that are picking up on your arrogant nastiness! You say you have been married to the same guy for 25 years & he doesn;t burden you about his problems & that is probably because you guys have no communication between the two of you & for someone that is so happy, it sure doesn't show because people that are happy are not nasty & arrogant like you sound, it shows in your personality. And about my hubby being a crybaby MAN well that could come from a loving relationship that his parents gave him what he wanted growing up unlike your MAN, he probably got raised in an abusive homelife which probably you grew up in.

Well missy this is not a perfect world & people are not perfect & that includes you, too, it shows in your personality that you think you are perfect. I feel sorry for you because someday you are going to come face to face with someone & you are going to being nasty & arrogant & they are going to put you in your place! If anyone doesn't know how life works, it is you!

Now just remember missy that probably if you were on your own & not with your looney tune husband that you would be living in a trailer in a trailer park which would make you trailer park trash!

So from me to you I feel so sorry for your life/luck that it shows you are an unhappy NASTY woman.

You say you are so glad you found yours & you guys are happy LOL! You sound so jealous that mine tells me about trucking unlike yours does!

And I know your kind, when you are backed up against the wall & have nothing else to say, your famous words that you think out of your empty shell of a head & coming out of your mouth is people are looney! Well missy remember those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!

If you have nothing nice to say to people, then keep your petty comments to yourself!

Oh my how sad & unhappy you are!

So missy crawl back to the wrong side of the tracks that you grew up in & around! LOL LOL

Nov 05, 2013
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sorry about your luck NEW
by: Anonymous

as I have said before you are to wrapped up in your own brain, and its powerful, whoa, it shows..lol

I have been married to the same trucker for 25 years and he is a MAN and not a Whiner like your husband. He keeps his job to his self and all the crazy stuff that happens out on the road stays at his job...there is no need to worry me about those issues...he understands that I have a job and it isn't necessary for me to know every single detail...unlike your cry BABY man....

See Hervy makes a valid point and you insist on disregarding the truth and are bent on having it your way well, missy I will let in on something, that is not how life works...and by all means you have no clue at all....if you want to listen to a whiner on a consistent basis by all means do it, and you can stay just as looney as you would like it really shows in your personality....

So Sorry about your luck/life......

I am glad I found mine and we are happy :)
Peace Out....:) From one lucky woman...

Nov 05, 2013
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Nimwit NEW
by: Anonymous

Just remember it takes a nimwit to know a nimwit! You probably have no man in your life LOL & it sounds typical of you to say how people make no sense because you have no sense to comprehend anything!

Nov 05, 2013
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figures NEW
by: Anonymous

you are pretty petty......which leads to the conclusion that you are a nimwit and you get what you deserve most of the time to bad you dont get what you deserve all of the time.....you might have an ahaa moment and realize the problem your having is with self.....dont have to be a good speller to know the truth when someone is hiding behind a lie....lol...you still make no sense...

Nov 05, 2013
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Well NEW
by: Anonymous

Check your spelling & writing. And no you do not sound like a female that has sense!

Nov 05, 2013
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well NEW
by: Anonymous

you sound as dumb as your last post......and a bit wacko I might add....actually if you read things correctly you would have recieved the message that Hervy was sending, obviously you only understand what comes out of your brain and are not open to hearing others input...my question is why do you bother to ask a question you seem to already have the answer for....doesnt make any sense!! Do you get the point I was saying in my last post??? Typical of a woman to be totally bizare in their thinking...

coming from a female with sense....

Nov 05, 2013
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Hervy NEW
by: Anonymous

You mentioned that my husband should have never mentioned about his time with the doctor or about his team driver. Either you are single or if you are married, you don't mention anything to your wife or significant other! And by the way if my parents were still alive & they found out he was sick my father would have said for me to pack up my stuff & leave my husband & move back with my parents because my father had so much hatred toward truckers it was unbelievable. If my husband was a trucker at the time we got married, my father would have never walked me down the aisle because my father had the attitude that all truckers did corrupt things! And also to the newest commentator about saying doctors are looney - well you sound like you are looney & have a lot of anger issues & attitude problems & thank you for saying we deserve one another because you don't sound intelligent to look up things!

Nov 04, 2013
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well
by: Anonymous

I think your doctor's are looney tunes and well quite frankly I think your husband is too. On more thing I think your addicted to your kindle and have begun to read to much into things which has now made you joining the crowd of looney tuners!!!

Oh, by the way, Try posting something different here you keep posting about the same dang thing on how your husband keeps getting these team drivers who end up leaving him high and dry. That should tell you something right there?? Ya all belong together....

Nov 04, 2013
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Be Mindful of Your Thoughts
by: Hervy

I want you to first consider this...

Your husband is telling you stuff that he doesn't have to tell you. The Dr., the conditions, the symptoms, etc.

Then consider this....

Doctors ask questions just like a good mechanic computer technician asks questions. You eliminate the stuff that you can eliminate. It doesn't mean he thinks one way or another what the symptoms mean at that point, he is trying to pinpoint the problem.

Sounds like you are putting a lot of weight on the fact that the Dr. asked him if he was having unprotected sex. In my opinion it is a big mistake to do that. (By the way your husband didn't have to mention that either, but he did, not likely if he was guilty....that's according to your words ...loosely...)

Consider this...

You have no idea why the team driver wants to go solo. I didn't want to run teams with one of my best friends. I like stopping when I want and going when I want and I like the idea of me having full control of what happens with that truck since I am going to be held fully accountable for it. As a team member both are held accountable for performance but each individual can only control his/her actions. Not always a good thing.

How do you come up with the notion that the team driver is leaving the truck because of something to do with your husbands fidelity or anything related?

Consider this...

I have had blood in my urine too. Doctor asked the same question. It was caused by a kidney stone. I changed my diet and after it cleared up, I never had the problem again.

Consider this...

Don't allow yourself to jump to conclusions. It could affect your thoughts and behavior which will not make the relationship better.

Consider this ....

Seeing a counselor or relationship coach. Sounds like there are trust issues in the relationship. It might help to pinpoint what is causing these.

Also, if it is a pattern for you to assume the worse, it is something that will ensure you a stressful future.

You might find it beneficial to spend more time around positive people, listening to motivational materials and engaging in other personal development activities to help shift the way you see things.

This video is not specifically about relationships but the same principle applies. Be mindful of your thoughts.