Dont want him to do this!!

by D
(Midwest)

Hi I am the 39 yr fiance' of a 33 yr old truck driver. We have been together for 1yr and 8 months.

We are both divorced with kids from previous. I have 3 a 161/2 yr old girl, 12 yr old boy and a 21/2 yr old boy his son is almost 16 and lives in another state but stays with us all summer.

We are a tight family and love one another very much. We just found out we are pregnant possibly with twins. We bought a house together back in November and he had a "local" job.

The hours and work were horrible so he left to find a closer "local" job only to find nothing!

We are now near broke and he has decided to take a otr position with company he was with before. We need $ BAD so ive just let him make the choice to take this job.

Anyone whos been pregnant (with twins or otherwise) knows how freaking emotionally unstable you are. Im out of my mind with woe.

I cant tell him i hate this and don't want him to do it because it will stress him out. He's aware of my disdain to some degree but just seems like this is what he really wants.

We have had a great relationship this entire time but I am worried that I will be incredibly unhappy with this arrangement. I had been a single mom for 5 yrs when i met him with 3 kids and 4 jobs.

I no longer work and I am most grateful for that but id work a thousand jobs to not have to raise this family alone again.

I just don't think i can go back to it. I already feel resentment because I know i will have to do EVERYTHING and I will be stuck here with kids while he lives a free life.

Part of the problem is that I have always desired to be a truck driver when my kids were grown so he's living my dream too while i live the nightmare of holding it all down without him.

The money in,my opinion for the work, SUCKS! We have minimum amount of bills but he likes a certain lifestyle and wants to work hard for it- one of the very reasons i love him and the flip side is hating the career choice!

Help im trying to be positive but my mind keeps bringing me back to knowing myself and what i can deal with and this isn't it!!!

Comments for Dont want him to do this!!

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Aug 02, 2013
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not NEW
by: Anonymous

Abortion is not crazy it is sensible...

Aug 02, 2013
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Just tell him NEW
by: Anonymous

Talking abortion is crazy. You people need help. Its weird how people get pregnant so easy and here I'm 35 and can't keep a pregnancy. Thats just how life works. *shrug*

You really need to be telling your fiance all of this. Even if its stressful to do so. He needs to know how you feel about it. It will come out sooner or later in some form or fashion.

If he still wants to get into this lifestyle and you can't accept it then you need to mske a decision on whether to move on with or without him.

I'm sorry you are so stressed. Take care of yourself and really tell him what you're thinking or you will just be spiteful.

Mar 15, 2013
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yes NEW
by: Anonymous

don't abort the babies and give them away to an adoptive family that will mistreat them... physically and sexually abuse them, then turn them into one more person who ends up doing most of their life in an institution, that taxes payers have to pay out of pocket... then they will produce children they will abuse, and then they will end up doing the same thing, and the cycle never ends.......

I am a little sick and tired of people who are against abortion but who are not against physical and sexual abuse.... bringing children into these situations and just overloading the system....

You are heartless......you never look at the big picture of what happens to the majority of children who are brought up in poverty and sexual filth after a broken marriage or one parent homes... although you may see it works out okay in some instances, the level of how many who don't turn out okay totally outweighs that of who do make it!!!!! look at the stats before you become so against abortion.....

Mar 14, 2013
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There is a better way... NEW
by: Anonymous

First of all....do not abort your baby! That child is an innocent party in all of this! And yes you can tell him this isn't working for you. You're worried it will stress him out, well...what are you if not stressed...so communicate and do it in a non-confrontational way...just be honest with each other. If this relationship isn't going to work and you don't want this child, give it life and then give it up for adoption...to a loving family who can't have children and would give anything to have a family (I personally know couples in that situation). I get that you hate his job....so do I, and I'll be the first one to tell you it has ruined our marriage and torn our family apart. But your story doesn't have to end that way. Not if he's loving and has the ability to put everything into perspective. This "lifestyle" he wants to live...is it more important than you and the lives of your children? That question would be a good place to start....good luck and God bless!

Mar 12, 2013
Rating

iT'S THE TRUTH NEW
by: Anonymous

You aren't married to this man, but your pregnant by him with twins. If he turns to long haul truck driving, and you stay in this relationship, you will spend the rest of your life raising your children alone, and feeling lonely, for help, and for intimacy, and this is the truth. I don't believe that abortion is the answer, I wouldn't encourage you to abort your flesh and blood, I would encourage you to give him a choice, you and the children, and a local job, or walk away, so you aren't forever stuck to a life of loneliness. There are a lot of temptation out there, and even though every truck driver would deny it, you will eventually be dealing with a heart ache of infidelity, if you find out about it. It's the truth.

Mar 12, 2013
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Should have known better. NEW
by: Anonymous

Wow, 39 years old should be old enough to know better. I would rather set my hair on fire than to have kids again at that age. Why would you do that?? Did you get pregnant thinking it would keep him at home? If so, that back fired big time.

I agree with the comments made by the last person ( with the exception of the abortion - thats totally up to you ). You seem highly illogical in your mind-set.

You seem willing to let your hubby raise the kids while you worked a thousand jobs... makes no sense what-so-ever .

Mar 12, 2013
Rating

Okay NEW
by: Anonymous

So let him work now and until you are able to go back to work yourself and work the four jobs it will take to support your now 5 children and your problem will be solved....that was easy enough for me to see....are you following?

You say you would work many jobs so he wont have to be on the road, away from you, and away from family, and so you wont have to be alone and raising a family on your own.

Well it would be okay to do this, however it would not change anything....you will only be switching the roles and raising your kids alone would be on your mate....are you following?

A lot of what you are saying seems to be a vent, and not logical. So what do you really want to do?

you said you just found out you are having twins....how does that happen?

Suggestion....you make it sound you are early on in pregnancy...abort the pregnancy, save yourself a lot of headache and worry, and get out of the relationship that is bothering "you" now because "you" don't like his job, and "you" don't want to be alone...."you" have way to many problems to even make it worth it???? is what I am hearing...

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