Every weekend to three days in four to six weeks

by Stephanie
(Virginia)

I am a 31 year old stay at home mom of four kids ages 9, 7, and twins 5. My wonderful 32 year old husband of 11 years has been driving for 9 years.

For 9 years I complained about only seeing him on the weekends. Now I know I was being silly and took it for granted.

I feel so very alone. My kids are all in school for the first time this year. He started 1 week after they went. I hadn't gotten use to that yet and wham. I don't know what to do with what I feel.

I am sad, happy for him (he is taking better care of himself) (he is happier with what he does now), and is not alone all the time.

He has changed a lot. A LOT. Before we would argue daily over BS because he still tried to have all control from the road and he got it.

He would take his anger out on me and the kids every weekend. It wasn't always bad but he was not a happy person to be around. Always strung out. Shower, throw dirty clothes downstairs, recliner, grunt for a beer, and be waited on hand and foot.

Now he is telling he is sorry for all he put me through. He is very calm, sounds very loving, really cares about how we are doing and told me to handle the bills and budget, of course within limitations. A huge change. HUGE.

I feel bitter. Very bitter. I put up with so much crap that I probably shouldn't have for years and now he changes and that makes it all okay. It's not okay. How do I deal with that?

It's not okay to treat me like crap most of the time for years. To treat me less than him. It doesn't make it okay. I have no more tears to cry. I am not angry nor sad, just numb. I don't know where to begin having a conversation with him about anything I feel.

I am so scared that its all talk and it will be the same when he gets home. He's been out 5 weeks now. I have missed him with my soul. So many mixed emotions

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Oct 03, 2012
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He might not stick to his words NEW
by: Hervy

Stephanie,

Consider this, the time for you to be bitter might be passed. He has been showing you a different side, to dwell on the past seems to be counter productive to allowing the change to be complete.

Also, expecting a failure in his ability to fulfill his promise will close the door to happiness.

You have stated that you see a change. Instead of focusing on the worse that could happen....

Consider placing your focus on how to help things to go in the desired direction. What can you do to facilitate positive change.

How can you illustrate and express the positive emotions and love that you have for him.

I agree that the way he treated you in the past was wrong. It's too late to change it and to make him pay for it comes at a price.

So I guess the question really is where do you want this relationship to go?

Do you want more drama?

Do you want peace?

How can your attitude, words, actions bring about the type of relationship you want with him. Try that thought process and I think it will guide you well.

Take care,
Hervy

Oct 02, 2012
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Or some counseling for "self" NEW
by: Anonymous

If you can locate a place to receive some counseling, this will give you a chance to learn to cope with your problems. Change is hard to deal with and for a lot of people. You might learn how to deal with the emotions you are having and hopefully begin to feel better.

Wish you the best and God Bless.

Oct 02, 2012
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Time for God help ! NEW
by: David M. Engler

Hi !
Time to turn to god help & let out all fustation inside & your prayers will be answered !

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