Expressing Your Emotions

I have read a lot messages that tells me many of you are not expressing your emotions. You are holding back what you are feeling. In particular about life as a trucker.

Usually what I read is from wives who are unhappy about being home alone with the husband gone over the road for weeks.

One of the things that I find common in many cases in addition to not expressing to the trucker feelings of loneliness and yearning is that wives are living with uncertainty about what to expect for the future.

Will he drive for 5 years or till retirement? They don't know. Do you?

I think it is important to communicate your emotions to each other.

Often in relationships (intimate and otherwise) we assume tho other person gets it.

We assume they know how we feel or what we want or need.

When that person does not respond to what we have in our minds we feel some kind of way about it. Now maybe in some cases the other person should have an idea about what is going on inside of your head, but I digress.....

Ladies, men are not mind readers. Men, ladies are not mind readers. When we make these assumptions that the other person SHOULD understand what we never say or express, we are often disappointed.

A better options is to let him/her know know how you feel. Express your emotions.

Now, this shouldn't be a reckless outburst of negativity. Nor should it be a cry of victim-hood and being grossly neglected.

(Although neglect is a word that I come across now and then.)

Keep in mind what it is you are trying to achieve.

If you want to be heard, you might want to be tactful and pleasant.

Another important factor to good communication is trying to listen more than being heard. People have different points of view. What is it and why do they see it that way?

You already know what you want to express. Try to understand what is going on in the other person's head also.

Ok, I am getting a little off topic and more general about communication in a relationship.

Let's get back to the point of this post.

As far as this trucking lifestyle goes........

You should have a conversation about life as a trucker and a trucker's wife. Stop wondering what the future holds. Talk about the plans for the future.

What does 20 years from now look like? Are you still living the trucking lifestyle? (still driving or a trucker's wife at home) What about 10 years? 5 years?

I think that most drivers may never even think about mapping the future out. Families have different things going on. Sometimes it just does not make sense for a driver to be on the road for 20 years. That of course depends on your specific situation at home.

Are your parents getting older? Kids getting in trouble or finding it hard to adjust? Something coming up in a few years that requires a change in family dynamics?......etc. Did you move your wive out in the middle of no where and think she will be happy for 20 years?
Would you be?

Reverse the roles right now would each of you be happy if you were the other person? I digress again.....

If you don't think about how your career will play out in advance, you won't have a plan to do anything else but drive year after year after year after year after year. OK... now it's nothing wrong with that if that is what you WANT to do. (If that is what you as a couple has decided is OK for your relationship.)

So, I know this is long but it's kind of heart breaking to all of this pain and a lot of it doesn't have to be there.

Express your concerns for the future and talk about what the plans are so that there is not a bunch of guessing and assumptions about what to expect. No one wants to live with uncertainty.

Drivers, if you are reading this, I hope you are able to tell that this is a very serious issue. If you care about your relationship, listen to what your significant other has to say. Try to understand her point of view. Why does she feel the pain she does?

What did she expect when she got married? Will the relationship last if you disregard her emotions?

These are just thoughts I think you should entertain whether you are a driver or spouse.

Many of you feel you have no options. There are options, you do have to spend time brainstorming about it though.

Some don't want to do anything else but drive. That's cool too. Realistically though, it's something that you have to weigh based on priority and what is important to you. Express that emotion too!

A relationship is not about either person having everything just his or her way. You should take the other person's emotions and reality into consideration. It's kind of how love is properly communicated.

Best of luck to all. Hate to write a post for so long.
Happy Trucking,
Hervy