Fed Up Being a Truckers Wife

by Denise
(Glendale, AZ)

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He recently went through the schooling to become a trucker. Getting through the training and being on the road for 6-8 weeks straight was hard enough, but now that training is over and the real life of trucking has started it sucks!!

My husband is gone 4 -6 weeks at a time. I look forward to him coming home for 2 days and feel let down when he leaves to go back on the road. When he's home, it seems he prefers drinking more than anything (and he's never been a big drinker).

Then there has become a problem of no affection, sex, nothing!! He last came home on a Friday and was gone again on Monday morning. I received 1 hug and 1 kiss from him the entire time he was home. When I ask him about it, we end up fighting and nothing gets resolved.

I have 3 kids and one has fallen into a depression and has begun counseling to help her deal with all of this. I don't really think this is the life for me or my girls.

Any thought on this I would really appreciate it.

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Sep 10, 2016
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Trucker 💘 NEW
by: Ginger

Im a wife of a turck driver .an is so heard well we have 3 kids we would like to go with him but how can we make it comfortable. For the kids ..

Oct 20, 2011
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I am a trucker wife too
by: Anonymous

I can relate on this, being a truck driver wife is such a hard work, there's so much fighting, calling names etc. but who really is to blame?

wives who is waiting for their husband to come home after 4-6 weeks that he's gone or the husband who's been working 17hrs or more on the road?

its really hard to say that only one person is to blame,

first, women who choose to get married are hoping to build a family together. we are sensitive, loving.

my point is it is really hard when your husband is away for a long time, not just for sex... its the feeling that you want him all the time, to sleep together, wake up together, eat, do stuff together, watching tv while cuddling, share stories and knowing that he is there whenever you need him.

the hardest is when you're ready to shut down for the night and his not there to kiss you goodnight and make you warm. i feel so depress everytime i go to bed, b'cuz i always missing him. i just cry till i fall asleep.

and when he come home, i am so excited, i make sure the house is clean for him, i cook for him, ready to give up the tv remote and the couch for him and make him comfy after a long drive. i will give him time to relax then i plan doing stuff with him, like going somewhere or just watch tv next to him...
but i get upset when he is more excited to visit his friend than spending time with me. and when i'm at work he stay in his friends house till he pick me up, then when we're home he is too busy to watch his recorded shows.

so i start nagging him b'cuz for me its not fair that i feel he's ignoring me. i feel upset. i feel bad i always think he never miss me at all. i start making a fight and keep telling him we better get divorce than hurting me like that,

and he is teling me that he is tired and give him time to relax. when he can relax while i am at work, but he couldn't bec. instead of relaxing in our house he visited his friend.
i just don't understand what to do to make him feel i love and miss him so much. thats why i want to be with him all the time when his home...bec. i know he will leave again soon...

now sometimes i just want to get a divorce bec. i don't know what is the best thing to do so we don't keep hurting each other. for me being selfish bec. i want to be happy and feel loved. and being so paranoid that he is like that bec. he is not inlove with me anymore.

but when i'm thinking about him, i feel so bad bec. i know he miss being home too. but he need to work for us, so i'm so confused. i love him thats why i just want him to stay home. i dont' really want to divorce him bec. i know he needed me.

and i know he loves me, but bec. of being tired he really doesn't see what is going on.

its really tough being a Truckers wife.....

Mar 27, 2011
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Fed up being a trucker wife delayed response
by: Hervy

Hi again Denise,

I know it's been a while. Since I commented but I just read it again while going through some posts.

I want to add for you and whoever else may read this....

Where you read so often the advise to women to take action and bear the responsibility of making him feel loved and wanted (and needed) is usually where the advise is TO a woman.

When I give advise to men, I basically tell them the same thing!

The person who is asking questions and seeking advise is in the driver's seat to his or her own actions and those actions can sometimes eventually bring forth the desired results from the partner.

It would do no good telling you that he should do those things. It will only make you have more resentment for him not doing it. Which will affect your attitude toward him and create further problems with the communication and intimacy (or lack there of)

Especially in this case where it doesn't really seem that his problem is from being involved in another relationship.

So, we definitely understand that you deserve what it is advised that you should give. On the CD I do tell the truckers that,( in fact here I say that and plenty of other stuff too...

relationship advice video)

It's just that, the person asking needs can't directly control the actions of the spouse so you need to know what you might be able to do to cause the actions of the spouse to change.

By the way how are things now? And did any of the advise work?

Oct 13, 2010
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Fed up. Wait a minute, calm down, explore the options.
by: Hervy

Hi Denise, welcome to the site.

Hate to see the turmoil your experiencing but know that you have fallen in a scenario common to many trucker wives.

You have been give great advice here but you know (or will find out) I always have 2cents to add!

1 very important thing Dennis Pointed out is that fact he seems to be disappointed in the job. Question is what aspect. The people he deals with or the fact that he is away from his family. He could feel like he has failed. Problem is until you figure out how to have a discussion about what is bothering him you won't know how to make him feel better about it or help him endure it. (Support him)

Jeff mention to be thankful and I agree but don't be content with the condition of the relationship, dig deeper into finding out the root of the problem it has. And how YOU can address it on your end.

It was said communication is the key. That is exactly right. Things can happen to throw that off and as was stated someone must take the initiative to reinstate the connection. The person who recognizes the need bears the burden or is blessed with the opportunity, that's a matter of your perception. See it as a chore and it will be a chore, see it as an opportunity to show your compassion and love and you may see sparks.

It's not enough to have a roof over head. I mean that's good, some men have trouble making that happen. However, the family needs a home in which to live. Not a just a building in occupy. Life is more than dwelling and being content with what comes along, you are right in seeking answers but don't cut yourself short before exploring all the options.

I feel that you love him and he loves you. This alone means there is a way to get back what you had despite the new dynamics of him being a trucker.

Why do so many posts mention what the woman should do? Because the women are asking the questions. You can only do your part to make things better at the end of the day.

You can't MAKE him do what you wish he was doing by reprogramming his actions.

You can however, in many cases change how treats you and get more of what you want from him by changing what you do. We are not talking about what's fair or unfair, or whose turn to show affection, etc.

We are talking about getting the results you want at the end of the day. we are talking about dissolving the pain and disappointment which leads to happiness by you both.

We are talking about you getting your relationship back with your husband and creating a better environment for your child.

Now from this you may see exactly where you need to start or you may determine that you need to talk to him and see about visiting a good Christian Marriage counselor to help re-establish the flames.

This relationship is NOT over.
Go make something happen.

Bye now!
Hervy

Oct 01, 2010
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hi
by: Jeff

I would like to mention I'm not a trucker but I am seriously considering this line of work. I feel your pain Denise as I was in a long distance relationship with my now wife. Of course its not the same as being married to a trucker but I wouldnt see her for 3 months on end as I was in Michigan and she was in Cali. We talked alot on the phone every day and would chat on the net whenever we had a chance. Now we are married since November 08 but due to circumstances I am working in a hotel for 8.50 an hour. We want to have children but when I am only making 8.50 an hour that is completely out of the question. I hear that truckers can make pretty decent money. I honestly don't know how much they make but I know it has to be much more than 8.50 an hour and Im sure that you can afford living in a house and you do have children together. Having children is merely a dream for me right now and it's pretty much an untouchable dream at that. the older I get the more the chance gets that my wife and I will never have kids. Im thinking if I become a trucker we can have all the things we want out of life that is just simply not happening at the current moment. I'm not saying it's easy tho as I am sure its extremely difficult to not have your spouse be around as often but you should be thankful for all of the blessings you do have that other people wish they had if that makes any sense. God bless you and your family. ;)

Sep 30, 2010
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we all need love and support
by: Anonymous

first off God bless you and it is very hard. i have been with my trucker for 19 yrs and he always makes it a point to show me how much he loves me. some men are different in their ways of showing you . maybe you both should just sit down and chat its not what you say its how you say it and bring it to his attention . i know for sure how hard it is on you and your kids we too have three children and it has been a pretty hard road. we have learned alot together along the way and you will too. i know its hard to keep a positive attitude when you feel so very alone but it is better for you and your family to try to stay positive. it is hard the sacrifice trucking families are made to make and i am sure this all weighs heavy on your husband also, lines of communication are so important. some trucker wives dont need their truckers to come home and show them they love and care for them i dont no how they do it i have been friends with people like this its almost like a business relationship but i am not one of these people i love just being together i know it seems the time you have is so very short and so much has to be sqeezed into such a short time if you go out with your husband then you feel like the kids dont get to see him and then you feel like man where did the time go. i so know how you feel and you are certainly just in your feelings . i pray for you and your trucker and your kids to have peace and Gods mercy to help you get through if you ever need to chat my email is moosewheels55@yahoo.com

Sep 30, 2010
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RE:
by: Mommyof2

Yes it is a two way street, but someone has to make the initiative. If it's something that you really care about sometimes you have to make the first move. Instead of focusing on what he's not doing, focus on what both of you can do. Instead of waiting for him to give you a hug or kiss, give him one. It seems that your waiting for him to do something that you are just as capable of doing. Guys shouldn't always have to make the first move. I've learned over the last four years I've learned how to be my own mechanic, plumber, landscaper and all around handy "man" just because there are times that it can't wait for til he gets home to do it. Being the wife/girlfriend/partner to a trucker takes alot of will power and strength. I often find myself using the reference, "he brings home the pig and i turn it into bacon." Which pretty much refers that he has to put everything he's got into making sure that we are financially ok, and I take care of everything else. Though it may seem one sided I have no problem doing it for my family and after spending some time out on the road with him I have learned that even though all he does is work, I still have it easier. I have come to learn and understand that there are many times when we all must do something that we dont want to do in order to make it. Yes I would love to have my trucker home every night, but right now with two small children and the economy in the trash, it is not an option. It all pretty much comes down to how much your willing to fight to keep your family together. If you truely love them then you will do everything and anything possible to keep it together.

Sep 30, 2010
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My own response
by: Denise

Thank you for those that have commented - I really appreciate it. Some things that were said made me stop and think. I do talk to my husband daily about things going on and will share what I'm learning with him. He is still in his first yr and like anything new it's a learning experience. The one thing I still have questions on is this; I read things about the "trucker" coming home, & it's the wife that has to make him feel loved and wanted, etc. Why doesn't anyone say (or feel) that it's just as much the truckers responsibility to make his wife feel loved and that she is missed also? Seems like everything I've read, this all falls on the woman. I don't get it. Shouldn't it be a 2 way street just as much as everything else?

Sep 29, 2010
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give to recieve...
by: Mommyof2

The first year of driving can really take it's toll on the family. Especially if there's no real family discussion before hand. If you aren't prepared for the moments ahead, dealing with them will seem impossible to negotiate. My biggest wonder is how well do you two communicate while he is gone on the road. Do you talk daily and actually discuss matters that need to be discussed or just deal with them alone? Me and my family went through this too when my now husband began driving. He would have to spend so much time out on the road that he became severely detached mentally and emotionally from the rest of our family. It was that lack of communication that almost drove us apart. Another thing would be to remember that driving a truck otr isn't simply like driving around town. It can be mentally exhausting at times and can have a huge impact on him. Do you celebrate when he comes home or does it just seem like "time to get everything done"? My best advice is to remind him how much he means to you and your family, and to remind him on how greatful you are that he made this huge sacrifice to provide better for you. Some times it is those simple reminders of love and appreciation that can bring everything back and maybe better than they were before. If all you do is fight, then it's just going to cause more problems. If you want someone to show you love and affection you have to be willing to give before you may recieve. If he doesn't feel like he's a real part of the family anymore then pretty soon he wont be.

Sep 29, 2010
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Fed Up Being a Truckers Wife
by: Dennis Shipman

Our website tries to warn husbands and wives alike of the pitfalls inherent in trucking. Distance both literally and figuratively speaking is one of them. No one ever has to compromise anything in life, though. It does not give freely, moreover. So you have to take. When preparation meets opportunity that usually equals success. That being said, I see little preparation here on either your part or your husband's part. There is no mention that either of you did your homework. And no discussion of if you sat down as a family to discuss the hardships associated with truck driving. If he is drinking and according to you "has never been a big drinker," and has lost interest in sex, those are sure signs of depression, which means he dislikes the job as much as you do. If he is hellbent on a driving career because there is nothing else going on in that area, look in www.fleetdirectory.com for trucking companies offering local jobs, which will have him home everyday. He will still need some experience but they may give him a pass if he has 6 months, accident free, over-the-road. Best of luck. 10-4?

Sep 29, 2010
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truckers wife
by: Anonymous

well it is like this the economy is bad you and the kids have to have food and roof over there head when he gets a year experience he can get a job where he can be home every week be patient remenber it is a two way street which is more important the kids are your needs

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