Feel abandoned and alone

by Barbara
(Phoenix)

I love my husband dearly , however he convinced me we couldn't stay living on the East Coast where all are friends and family children and grandchildren are because there was not any trucking jobs.

He moved me to phoenix where I have no job unemployment is high and is gone were if I am lucky may see him 1 and a half days every two weeks, or less. They lied when they said four days out 4 days home. For medical reasons I cannot drive with him on the truck and look for a job.

This has left me home sick, impoverished, he sends me money here and there abandoned and a once fantastic marriage I see deteriorating.

he is obsessed with the job and being the best. I really do not now how much more I can take. there was no reason to move me that far away especially his company has a yard out east. Now he told me that we have to save money to go back home. Every month I am inundated with shut off notices , late rent , and so on. To move here for his career, I emptied my 401 k , all my bank accounts, sold my care and quickly went through all my retirement not to mention all of my belongings that we had to pawn and I will not get back.

At this point I am numb. My children are gone it is hard looking for a job when you have a gas tank on empty. I am trying to stay positive but I hate the lies. I am 53 but very attractive and feel my life has been shut off from everything. I cannot even afford a plane ticket to see my children or grandchildren and my family is barely talking to me because I foolish to move so far away when it could have been done from our other location where I would have the family friend support system.

I requested prayer but is my marriage going to make it it takes 2 not one person and it is hard to have a marriage with someone you see maybe 3 times a month. I should have just let him go when he came up with this idea last year

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May 07, 2011
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follow God
by: anothertruckerwife

I write this reply only because you mention prayer and God. (It's my first here and perhaps my last) If you and your hub truly know Him, you'd both seek Him. He'll tell you the same He already said: it's not good.
(Genesis 2:18) And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
God designed marriage to be together every day. He needs to get a job locally.
I'm not trying to be a pharisee, a religious person who relies on the law, but I admit I'm a hypocrite at this point. I'm in the same situation and I'm learning this same thing too. My hub got his CDL right after we got married, but that was 10 years ago. We're still separated with a child home. All these years I was told I should be thankful to him, because of all the sacrifice he's making for us. He does provide financially, and that's true. After studying the Bible, however, I'm finding that God established marriage for a very important reason. Other than the earthly blessings and provisions in all areas: emotional, spiritual AND financial marriage is His primary model for us to learn about the relationship between Jesus and the church. To live in a way which bases everything upon that: our lives, parenting, authority etc. This cannot be done when one in the "one flesh" we supposed to become is absent.
As I grow, I'm finding out that following Jesus does give fulfillment of all my life and nothing else does truly. All else is an illusion, to put it mildly. Marriage only works when we both look to Him every day. He has healed me from all kinds of things that I cannot mention here, in which the world failed. Now I love Him and follow Him and I would like to beseech you to do the same. He'll show you the way.
There's a huge task in front of me (us) now, that I understand this (from Him) but I pray that you seek Him and you'll find your answers.
I'm with you in your pain, sister.
With love.

Sep 21, 2010
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wrote this to my wife she reads it still.
by: American Trucker

To my Wonderful Wife Lynda.
I'll be home soon...

The trailer is hooked
the engine is warm
my pre trip is done
and it's time to move on
As I sit and idle
there's one thing more
I need to do
before I close the door
I pick up my phone
and make the call
ring... ring...
Hello there doll
I just wanted to say
I'm ready to go
I miss you already
and still two weeks to go
Until I see you again
and hold you tight
it's so hard to leave
it takes all my might
To walk out the door
and look back at you
Waving and smiling
but what can I do?
I worry so much
when I am away
so much can happen
I sit and I pray
Lord, keep me safe
as I drive down the road
so I can get back
and finally unload

Hop in the car
drive home to my gal
to hug her and kiss her
this separation is hell
I tell her it's late
it's time to go
I love you baby
I'll call you tomorrow
I pull the door closed
fight back a tear
she's such a strong woman
to not have me near
As I pull out
in the light of the moon
I say to myself
I'll be home soon...

Sep 20, 2010
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Comprmise and talk
by: Anonymous

It seems from reading your post you have a very selfish man, who thinks only of himself, at this point.
Marriage takes two to make it work and to communicate and compromise.
It can't be, only one person having his/her way, when it definitely effects both people.
You said you emptied all your bank accounts, 401K, sold your car and you mentioned children and grandchildren as [MY]. Also Your belongings. Is this a second a marriage? How long have you been married?
You did not say how long he had been trucking? Is he O/O?
I do not understand why he has all the money, When you need to pay the rent and other things. Why doesn't he have direct deposit?
He does get a comcheck for fuel and ect.
You do need to talk to him and let him know how you feel and see if there is not some way you can reach a compromise.
Being alone, even with family and friends near by is hard for a Trucker's Wife.
My husband is gone about a month at a time. I run the household, but he has direct deposit to OUR checking account. He gets a comcheck for fuel and he is O/O and it can be expensive, paying for truck repairs.
It sounds like you really want to save your marriage and gets things back like it was. But you have to talk, before you make a decision of moving back without him.
I am a very independent person and I have learned over the last 40 years that I am responsible for myself and making me happy. Life is too short to live in misery.
I am 65 and this is a second marriage, of 6 years, we have had our problems, but I don't take any crap. It is not all my way or no way. I just stand up for myself and know that only I can control my life. If I want things to change then I need to see the why, what and how.
I am not trying to put you down. I can understand you frustration and loneliness.
You got to get tough girl.
Like one told you find a church and through prayer and turning to God for strength, you will find the answer, it just might not be what you want it to be, but it will be okay, because it will be God's will

Sep 20, 2010
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i know its hard
by: Anonymous

communication is the key to any successful marriage. i dont think you were clear in the beginning about what this move would mean. it is very hard being a truck drivers wife. i too am married to a man who is a perfectionist at driving and i am glad for his commitment , trucking shouldnt however become his main focus he should drive to live , although it sounds like he is living to drive. which makes it hard on you no knowing where your feeling fit in . i suggest you have a serious heart to heart and if need be take a greyhound back east . If your marriage is as strong as you say it once was he will see your pain and help you alot of times truckers are stuck between a rock and a hard place of trying to feed and clothe and trying to be a family man it is a hard thing to do and companies dont really care anymore . which is sad because if they have happy healthy drivers their business would thrive . God bless you i pray God sends you someone to help you , find a church you cannot go wrong with God he will never leave you or forsake you . God bless you and your husband .

Sep 20, 2010
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Feel abandoned and alone
by: Dennis Shipman

I cannot spend a lot of time on this post because you've already detailed the issues. I do not know exactly where you were living on the East Coast but there are a substantial amount of small, private carriers, fleets, and shipping agents and brokers your husband could have applied to. It sounds like he went with Swift or another large company that could care less about home time. All they are interested in is moving freight as cheaply as possible. The resolution is equally obvious, start looking for driving jobs back East. www.fleetdirectory.com is an excellent source of state specific companies. I cannot and will not advise you on your marriage but will say that as long as he is receptive to the idea of returning East where you have friends and famility, a support system, there is hope. However, the odds of saving money to do so with a comany such as Swift is unlikely. More than likely you all will have to simply pick up a leave once he identifies a good, small East Coast carrier, which do not typically advertise in trade magazines, because they recruit drivers by word of mouth. So, chin up, best of luck. 10-4?

Sep 20, 2010
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lonely
by: gary tdriver629@charter.net

I am sorry it is so hard on you you should talk to him about your feelings and try to work it out first before you do any thing drastic i would not want to be alone like that neither or give my family up life is to short i have drove for sixteen years and it is tough living if you need someone to talk to give me a shout through my email address

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