Feeling Neglected

by Janine
(Florida)

I was married for 15 years before my first husband was killed in a car accident. He was a Barber and he came home every night. He treated me like a queen and I did the same for him.

So needless to say, now being married to a trucker has been a different experience. When I married my husband I was used to being at home alone so I felt like marrying a long-haul trucker wouldn't be much different. But with every new relationship it starts off great and he made me feel like I used to with my first husband but better (amazingly).

Everything was great for the first two years and then he just became more of a visitor to our home. I try to make each home visit comfortable and drama free. And he loves it but I want him to do things for me too.

I know he's been on the road and wants to rest but when he's home a week he lays around for the entire time and I want to do things outside the house.

If I take the kids out when he's gone, he complains that he's missing out on the family activities so I wait for him to come home then he's so tired he doesn't want to do anything so we have to miss out on activities.

About three years ago, he tried to stay home and let someone else drive his truck but he was so stressed and anxious all the time that he had to get back on the road.

Like most trucker's wives, I had heard about truckers having extra-marital affairs on the road, so I requested all of his text messaging records. I printed his call log but nothing.

He just loves driving. I feel as if he was better off not married. I sure was. I love him but I feel like I need to love him enough to let him go.

I believe HE'S MARRIED TO THE ROAD MORE THAN ME. At 39 years old, I feel like if I don't make a change now I will soon be too old to find someone new, someone who will want to take walks in the park, go out to candlelit dinners or just whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

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Nov 15, 2011
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Glad to hear back NEW
by: Janine

Thank you for your response and I'm glad you posted your name on this comment. It makes it a little more personal. I will definitely keep in touch and post pics and I'm looking forward to reading other posts. Amazingly, I was just messing around on the web when I ran across your site and its has been a lifesaver. This is my new outlet and "healing center" if you will. Some people spend a lot of money in counseling, well I now have a hidden treasure in this website. I will be promoting this site to all my trucker's wife friends. Keep up the good work and don't be surprised when the posts start pouring in.

Nov 14, 2011
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what a wonderful outcome NEW
by: Hervy

well I couldn't wait to respond to your post Janine. because my recommendation was to do exactly what you did (which it is often). Communicate your feelings to him in a serious way.
But it seems you guys has it all worked out. great.

Us men rarely know what is going on inside of you ladies heads. Even if we are told we might not take it seriously enough.

Not making excuses, but we are wired differently you know. So on important things to you don't wait for us to pick up on it, even if it seems that we should. Just say it. It's hard to pick it up with a lot going on.

Especially when there is a good woman like you who puts on a smiling face to make him be ok. It's not always easy to see that there is a serious problem.

Like anony said, I too assumed you had a good man and you seem to be a good woman.

I think you 2 will be fine now that you are on the same page.

Have fun on that cruise and I hope that there will be many more.

send us pictures from the cruise

Nov 14, 2011
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No Longer Feeling Neglected NEW
by: Janine

Thanks for the comments and all have been taken into consideration but the most important comment I received was from my husband. I told him to read the comment as soon as it was posted and he called me back and we talked for hours about my feelings and his feelings. What was so amazing is he told me he was sorry for neglecting his family and that he didn't realize I felt this way, because I don't complain. I try to make his time at home comfortable and conflict-free. He also said he was so used to being on the road (15 years) and not having a family to come home to, that he didn't realize that he was neglecting our needs too. He IS an amazing man and like I said I love him very much I just needed some reassurance that he feels the same and that we can TRULY experience our lives together. We have so little time on this earth and WE have to cherish the time we have and experience life to its fullest. Also, I do NOT compare him to my first husband I was just making a comment on my life prior to meeting him and how things have changed. No true woman wants to stay at home with the kids all week then when her husband comes home she's still staying at home and doing nothing. Why make money and have nowhere to spend it. So to ALL, we are going on a Christmas cruise. YEEEAAAHHHH!!!! We are all excited. I guess I should have expressed my feelings sooner, we could have went on vacation this summer. But ladies keep our family in your prayers, things are looking up.

Nov 14, 2011
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Are you kidding?? NEW
by: Anonymous

This man sounds like a decent guy. I truly think you are going to compare everyone you meet to your first husband who was tragically taken from you. ( I am so sorry for your loss ). I think you need to make an effort here to keep your family together. If you don't make an effort in this marriage then I truly think that any "future" man in your life will always be held to the same standard that you learned to expect from your first husband. I wish you all the best.

Nov 13, 2011
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neglected NEW
by: Anonymous

Well I drove for sixteen till I got hurt. And we have been married 30 years. Don't you think you are being a little selfish. You should have thought about that before you said I do. He is faithful to you because you checked up on him. He is what he is you should accept him for that. I bet he accepts you for who you are. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be supportative of him and yourself.

Nov 13, 2011
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The Second time around! NEW
by: Anonymous

I was married once too Janine. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was let go of a relationship that I thought was never going anywhere. Now looking back, I realize that I wish I would have fought. It may not have ever done me any good but, just knowing that there may have been one thing that I could've done to save our little family. You know, God prepared this earth for Adam and Eve. He did everything to make sure all they had was here, yet in all his infinite wisdom, they weren't prepared for the things in the earth. Don't get me wrong, they were well equipped to handle the enemy, but they knew nothing of who he was and so were not prepared. Now, every trial and tribulation you endure, prepares you for the enemies tricks. You are not led away dumbfounded by what is done or said. Information, including the bible, experience, and life teach us not to try to change that which God has so graciously given us. Try to do this, think about everything that you love about your husband, everything that makes you smile, and everything that makes you glad that you married him. How would you be without those things. I know it feels like the next time you'll do better or get better but what if you don't. What if you get what half of the women of this world are dealing with right now? You said, you've had two amazing husbands, maybe you should use this time to repay some of the Amazing-ness into his life. I don't know, just speaking for those of us who have yet to understand and experience one great marriage.

Good luck to you and God Bless!

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