How do you do it?

by Shayna M.
(Conway, SC )

My partner, of 7 years, Trisha, left for training on Friday. I know I'm new, but I'm already feeling down about this whole thing.

I miss her so much, ALL the time. I feel like half a person just floating around. Things just don't go smoothly when it's just me.

I locked myself out of our house on Monday, forgot my ID and had to drive all the way back home to get it, and one of my tires was so flat that a random motorist honked at me to tell me. I feel frazzled.

We don't have any children, so I really give all you ladies (or gentlemen) props for holding down a whole family, basically on your own. But this is so weird for me.

I'm a nursing student and am not currently working, and I have 3 weeks of vacation in between semesters, but I'm afraid I'm going to run out of stuff to do when I'm on my own.This is the first time in my 23 years that I've had to live on my own.

We drew our bank account negative so that she could take money with her for the fees the school charged and we ended up having to pawn basically all of our possessions that were worth anything to get her some food money while she stays at the hotel, but that's almost gone now.

I have to ask my Grandma, who is trying to retire in a few months, for a loan for utilities until Trisha gets paid so I can get by. They say it'll be about 3 more weeks before she even sees any money.

All of my family lives in Michigan, and the only family I have down here are my in-laws who live about a 1/2 hour away (and who think I should be the one to come over all the time) I have a decent relationship with them, but it's not the same as having my family around.

I think as soon as we get some extra cash, I'm going to get a house phone set up. We live in the country and cell reception is awful. I have to go outside every time I need to make a call, and even then it's choppy.

I just want to be able to sit in our house and talk to her. Ideally, I wish she were home with me, but I know that's not happening.

When we were chatting about trucker stops last night, she mentioned that prostitutes hang around the stops and knock on random doors. That kind of caught me by surprise and I didn't really know what to say besides, "Eww. I don't like that at all."

Trust is not an issue in our relationship, but still. The idea of a nasty old prostitute knocking on my baby's door upsets me.

Most people can't tell she's a woman because she has short hair and wears men's clothes, but I'm still worried about her being out there all alone. I don't know how to voice this concern to her because she is strong and can take care of herself, but I keep thinking about horrible things that could happen.

On top of that, I have to worry about regular things, like bad weather, bad drivers etc.

All these companies say they value home time, but they are still a business and their first priority is to make money. CR England says the average trip is 3-4 weeks and they get about 3-4 days of home time per month. But that's just an AVERAGE. And I'm wondering if the money is even worth it?

Is the $1800-$2400 worth only being home for a total of 36 days- basically one month a year? Especially when after you take out our monthly expenses, and then add in how much money she will spend on food and whatever else on the road.

She's only planning on doing this until I finish nursing school next August, and then the plan is to put her through school, but I don't know if I can even handle a few months, let alone over a year.

Thanks for the vent.