How do you do it?

by Danielle
(NJ)

Hello,

My husband has been driving trucks for about 4 years now however it seems that each times he leaves it gets harder and harder!

We have two small children together and we miss him dearly frequently I cry at night my kids act out when they find out he's not coming home we've been together for 10 years and I feel like I've lost my best friend.

So my question is what do you do to take your mind off of your husband not being home?

Ways to help ease your kids minds?

Thanks

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Jul 03, 2016
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otr hubby NEW
by: Anonymous

my husband was home one day and gone the next! He was looking for work online for 2 mo. saw a add for trucking company out of Utah and he left less then 24 hours later. I didn't even know what hit me!!
He loves it, he is like a kid in a candy store when he is out. So we talked and I did it ,found a great school got a grant, and also got us hired on to a great comany closer to home with better home time. He had not been home for 6mos. before the first company gave him hometime it was horriable. I am pretty sure you go through the same 5 steps as if he died. I felt abandond depressed cryed all the time. So I went and got my CDL and we team drove. Met alot of truck drivers and I can honestly tell you They miss you even more then you miss them. They would just talk about their wife and kids and start tearing up. Think about it wives can go out and do things see people they know ect. Truckers cant't really do anything but follow the road to the next stop. But they all said they cant guit its in there blood. So yes I did it I hated every minute lol but I did it. My husband loved it until I stated crying every time I had to drive lol. I missed my family, I missed my freedom!!!! So I am back home! And he is out but happy a bit sad I guit but he understands. It is going to be hard for me either way driving I hated- and home I miss him alot. But better here then out there ... Just know they miss you too!!!!

May 31, 2016
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I didn't NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband has been trucking for 20 years. I went through all the things you are going through now. Back when cell phones were non-existent and waiting at home for him to call from a payphone, to $1000 roaming charges, to now finally the cell phones we have today. When my kids were small I stayed home. It was easy to give all of me to our kids - had to be both Mom and Dad. As the kids got older, more independent, and no longer required 110% of my attention, I found myself floundering. I created life for myself. It was rocky - I started drinking, I started going out, I started doing all the things I couldn't do in my 20's... and well that did turn out well. I didn't like the person I became. I looked to other outlets to full fill myself. I started weightlifting, running, hiking, and rock climbing. Unfortunately, when my husband got home he was exhausted and crashed. He didn't want to do those things with me. I found myself split between the person I was when he was gone and the person I was when he was home.

His new trucking job has him home every weekend and most nights during the week. He is trying to make up for all the nights he missed. Ironically its now creating problems for us. After 20 years of marriage I am now trying to bring those two parts of myself back together. I'm torn. I became a very independent person with friends of my own. I like being an independent person now and its hard to go back to sharing my life with him - especially now that our kids are grown. I harbor resentment for him not being there when I needed him most.

All I'm saying is I made a mistake to make myself two different people. You are making a huge sacrifice emotionally and he needs to know about it. Its easy to say he's tired and yes he needs your support, but don't let that be an excuse. You need his support too, he needs to overcompensate you emotionally when he's home. He needs to see to your needs now. It's a difficult road and sacrifice to you both, but if you let yourself become two different people, it will destroy you later.

Mar 07, 2016
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A Game Plan
by: Hervy

I am not a wife. However, I know what might help. Just because it provides closure and feeds the subconscious mind.

Have a definite goal and plan you are working on.
That's it.

What is the game plan that will address these questions?

Why is he driving? To create a better future?

Ok, well what is a better future for the family?

Ok, well how do we want things to be to create reality?

Because i am guessing the better future includes, having money to pay bills and more, healthy family, happy family.

What will produce that result? Well maybe you all don't want to be separated for 10 more years but still want money.

That would mean a goal of saving up, perhaps either investing in another business, growing another business, going back to school or learning some income producing activity to grow over the next 5 years. At the end of which he will leave trucking and migrate into the other business.

Or maybe it is to go local in a year.

What is the goal for the family in 5 years?

So you answer these questions and figure out a game plan to provide the future that you desire.

Many families are just winging it. That uncertainty is what is cause the most uneasiness because you have no idea what the future will be like so naturally the thoughts about it is not good.

If he says he is doing it for the family then he needs to ask what is the families needs and that goes beyond money.

So he can get the money now if this is the only answer but it doesn't mean he has to drive all of his life or over the road.

Now if he is one of those guys who insists on just being over the road, it is not about the family it is about HIM. Because that is not the only way to provide for the family and for many families it is not the best long term strategy.

That is something that you all have to figure out though. Some people are built like that and some are not.

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