I am always lonely

by Kathryn
(Amherstburg Ontario)

I met my trucker three years ago. He was divorced, his wife found another man, as he was never around, he blames her, but he did not take care of business.

When I met him, I was a widow of eight months, desperately lonely. He was a handsome guy of sixty four. I loved him the first time I saw him. I did not understand what he meant when he said I had to adjust to his life.

I thought that he would change for me...the thought of giving him up makes me ill. I love him, but thought we would have a life together...

he seems to love being in the truck, eating in restaurants, waited on by waitresses he calls Hon.

I am a sixty three year old good looking woman, solid as a rock, pretty, sexy, but need him around more.

My daughter in law says he will not change, and as I have many good years ahead, to give it up now, and move on....I was married for fourty one years to a wonderful man, he died, and I thought I was so lucky to find love again, but now am having doubts...

Any advice? Kathy

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Oct 27, 2013
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Lonely? NEW
by: Anonymous

Kind of presumptuous that you think he should change for you. The only one you can change is YOU.
Trucking is a calling the same way any other occupation is. It's not often people enjoy their work and are willing to do it year after year.
My spouse loves what he does. His family mortgaged their farm to send him to college. They could have saved a whole lot of money if they let him drive truck to begin with.
When I first met him, he owned a business but gave it all up to go long hauling. That was over twenty years ago.
The money's good. (I earn a decent living too).
I have my own interests too.
Yeah it gets lonely at times but thank God for cell phones. They must have been thinking of people with traveling spouses when they invented it!
Sounds like you have some soul searching to do.

Oct 04, 2013
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Agree with fiance of 12 years to a new trucker NEW
by: Anonymous

Girl, I couldn't say it & agree with you any better than what your comment was. And about everything that we use or eat comes by truck, well you are partly right. If it comes from a foreign country, it gets put on a cargo ship or plane b4 it gets loaded onto a truck. And that company should not make your fiance pay for anything! He is a company employee not an o/o (owner/operator). Also I believe they are ADDICTED to their job. Once they get behind the wheel & get out on the open highway & get to see the scenery & beauty of these states, it is to them like a little kid at Xmas time & you hit the hammer on the nail about avoiding family responsibilities! I have a friend who takes her laundry to a laundromat & the woman that works there was married to a trucker b4 he died & she told my friend that her husband was away for 17 years b4 he came home - talk about avoiding family responsibilities! I wish you luck on your future endeavors.

Oct 04, 2013
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To the man of -Lonely wives- comment NEW
by: Anonymous

Not sure if you'll see this or not but just in case you do I'd like to tell you that not everyone meets their significant other when they are truck driving already.
Having said that my fiance and I had been together for over 12 years when he decided to become a truck driver. 1 of about 5 career changes since I've been with him.
Now I know what you're gonna say...I choose to stay and you are exactly right.
However...how long does it take for a man to grow the hell up and start making good decisions with the better of his family in mind rather than himself??
This has been nothing but a total nightmare.He can't be responsible with money and is taking about $200 a week in cash advances to pay for bullshit like cigs, red bull, and hot dogs(even though I bust my ass to stock his truck with home made and shelf ready meals) He can't seem to find the right company. He is a company driver and they are making him pay for 50% of repairs to their truck for a broken APU unit?!?
However..he can't seem to find another company because he doesn not have a year in.
I could go on and on but bottom line in my book...This is terrible career for anyone to choose esp. with loved ones at home.I know everything we buy in the stores comes on a truck and I have a great deal of respect for all truck drivers but this career is not for everyone. I believe that men choose to do this to avoid family responsibilities.
Let's take a look at it this way...he's out there, claiming to be making money(I've yet to see a paycheck over $400 for a week), comes home, has a clean house, I do all the repairs and cleaning and maintenance myself, prepare meals for the duration of his stay, wash his laundry and bedding, clean out his truck for him, restock it with food, drinks, clean clothes etc. He has to do NOTHING when he is home in terms of work but eat, sleep and flip the channel on the TV but yet all he does is complain.
I'm venting and yes I know I choose to stay but that may be changing. Everyone has their limits and I'm really close to the end here.

Oct 03, 2013
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Lonely wife NEW
by: Anonymous

I just can't believe you went out & got a new man after losing your husband 8 months after you lost your first one of 41 years! My mother lost her husband, my father, after 51 years of marriage & my mother now has been widowed from my father for 5 years now & I have said to my mom why don't you go out & find yourself a new man & she told me "no way, I found my soul mate when I married your father & if I remarry I'm doing a disservice to your father & I would be showing that I no longer love your father & I will always love your father" & I too am married to a wonderful man of 36.5 years & if I outlive my husband & become a widow, I will do what my mother does & stay faithful to my husband ALWAYS! You sound like you married the first man available because you were lonely. If you are lonely, adopt a pet from the SPCA. At least you will have a loving companion that will keep you company & will love you unconditionally! My father used to have a sticker on the back of his car that said "the more I see the likes of some humans, the more I love my pet" very true!

Oct 03, 2013
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Lonely wives NEW
by: Anonymous

To all you women & this is coming from a man that drives a truck for a living but when you met your man you had to know what you were getting into! & since you all want to sit there & feel sorry for yourself, did any one of you try to go out & go out on the truck with your husband? & I can't believe that you were only widowed from your husband of 41 years & you got a new man already! Sounds as though you just got him to substitute the loneliness & now you are finding marriage makes haste & now you wish you didn't marry him! My mother-in-law lost her husband of 51 years & my wife jokes with her mom telling her she should eventually look for another man & my mother-in-law tells my wife that her father was her soul mate & she would never find another man like her husband that she lost!

Oct 03, 2013
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wow.... NEW
by: Laurie

This is to anonymous who is very secure and content. WOW! Since when does life become secure and complacent the older you grow? Mature? This lady sounds very mature and heartfelt. She has questions and concerns. Telling her to 'grow up' sounds very smug. Careful.... life can still hand you challenges even at your "mature level" in life. I hope the lonely lady who first posted here finds her way. She has my support. You NEVER stop learning....

Oct 03, 2013
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Oct 02, 2013
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change NEW
by: Anonymous

he wouldnt change to keep his wife,why did you think he would change for you?you saw what you were going to get and took it anyway so get on with it.

Oct 02, 2013
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A lonely life it is... NEW
by: Laurie

Kathy-
The situation is what it is. It will not change without one of you giving up too much of yourselves. Yes, too much. No matter what, there will be arguments and hurt feelings. This may move on to "acceptance" of the situation and a kind of detachment from each other.

The reason I say this so bluntly is because I've been there. The largest percentage of the women who post here are not happy with their husbands being gone all the time. Some post and have a 'stand by your man' attitude. 'Keep the home fires burning'. Always finding things to do and keep busy so they can get by til he gets home. Its a tough fight. Always wondering. And ladies don't get your backs up. I said a large percentage. If you're fulfilled in life, great.

Oct 02, 2013
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So sorry NEW
by: Anonymous

I hate to hear about your heartache but I have to tell you that he will NOT change.
I'm sure you love him and probably always will but life is way too short to be miserable.
Now if I could only take my own advice...LOL
I HATE being with a truck driving. It's been nothing but frustration, heartache and no money. I'm about to my end as well but promised myself I would stick it out until he is done paying child support(hopefully in 1 year) and see if things change. If they do not then I have to be done for me. I don't need to live like this.
I wish you the best. Chances are if you feel it's best to walk away then it is.

Oct 02, 2013
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you are up in age NEW
by: Anonymous

and so is he....make the best of it...this is a time where you should be relaxed and secure enough that him being away shouldn't bother you...if you are not then I believe you still have some growing up to do...children see things differently then we do...so their advice is not drawn from experience...if you are willing to take advice from others you still need some growing up to do...so yes you might then want to leave and not be with this man....this is his career and if you walked into his life to change his way of life or thinking then you still have some growing up to do and sure you should leave and find someone else that is at your maturity level....if you have not learned to think before you leap and at your age yes you still have some growing up to do....

coming from an older mature woman who is secure and happy with the trucker she is married too...

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