I became 2 different people

by Angela
(Iowa)

My husband has been trucking for 20 years. Back when cell phones were non-existent and waiting at home for him to call from a payphone, to $1000 roaming charges, to now finally the cell phones we have today.

When my kids were small I stayed home. It was easy to give all of me to our kids - had to be both Mom and Dad. As the kids got older, more independent, and no longer required 110% of my attention, I found myself floundering.

I created life for myself. It was rocky - I started drinking, I started going out, I started doing all the things I couldn't do in my 20's... and well that did turn out well. I didn't like the person I became.

I looked to other outlets to full fill myself. I started weightlifting, running, hiking, and rock climbing. Unfortunately, when my husband got home he was exhausted and crashed. He didn't want to do those things with me. I found myself split between the person I was when he was gone and the person I was when he was home.

His new trucking job has him home every weekend and most nights during the week. He is trying to make up for all the nights he missed. Ironically its now creating problems for us. After 20 years of marriage I am now trying to bring those two parts of myself back together. I'm torn.

I became a very independent person with friends of my own. I like being an independent person now and its hard to go back to sharing my life with him - especially now that our kids are grown. I harbor resentment for him not being there when I needed him most.

All I'm saying is I made a mistake to make myself two different people. You wives are making a huge sacrifice emotionally and he needs to know about it. Its easy to say he's tired and yes he needs your support, but don't let that be an excuse.

You need his support too, he needs to overcompensate you emotionally when he's home. He needs to see to your needs now. It's a difficult road and sacrifice to you both, but if you let yourself become two different people, it will destroy you later.

I am trying to bring these two parts of me back together. If I fail to do so, my marriage will fail too.