I must be STUPID

by Miss Stupid
(Midwest)

I've been married to a trucker for almost 32 years. it's not the being gone that bothers me. He had a good paying job but lost it in 2009 because of the economy.

He got another job making about 1/3 of what he did. We had our house paid off and now we owe $100,000 on our home equity.

I'm stressed to the max. If I say something I'm bitching. He didn't want to be home on Christmas. I had to talk him into it and drive for 2 hours to pick him up. My birthday was Friday and he didn't even call he.

He has called me once in a month just to say it's 9 o'clock. I found out that he has been taking out $400-$500 cash advances. He took out $9000 last year plus what he put on our charge cards.

I also found a receipt for a $250 money order. He is home for maybe 5 hours a month. And, that's only if his company has to service his truck. I've got a bad feeling. I think that he either must be having an affair or is paying for hookers.

I'm disabled and depend on what little he makes. I just don't know what to do. He won't talk. He either yells or gives me the silent treatment. I'm at the end of my rope.

I don't want to live like this any more.

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Jul 19, 2013
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Good to hear and your welcome NEW
by: Anonymous

This is great! Glad to hear all is getting better...keep safe and think of you first, and love you first! God Bless! :)

Jul 19, 2013
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update NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband got a new job. He is home more and makes more money. Not all of the problems are solved but I am working on myself. I'm the only person that I can change. I did almost drive myself nuts. Thanks for the advise.

Jul 19, 2013
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Jul 18, 2013
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I understand your pain... NEW
by: Anonymous

I can tell you are very frustrated....take a few moments to consider how being frustrated and miserable can take a toll on your physical and mental well being....

I suggest you take a moment and draw up some plans. I have been replying to your post for over 6 months and nothing has changed. You sound very stubborn about taking care of yourself, and if you continue to not take care of you well, then guess what you will end up in an institution.

Take a moment and think about what you have posted here. You say your disabled and I am not sure what that means? If you are disabled how is it that you are able to take care of all his needs? (or expected too, and an even bigger question how are you able to take care of your all of your needs?

Have you considered hiring help and using one of those credit cards to pay for it? It is tax deductible in regards to whatever he needs done while he is on the road....that is all down to washing his dirty underwear!!

Now take a moment to realize that the information that you are receiving here is not being received by you.... as you tend to ignore what anyone says and just keep complaining about the wrong that is being done to you. There is some vital information people are giving you and freely I might add but you are choosing to ignore it....

Think for a moment and see if this is what you might be doing to him? And that this problem may be 2 sided?

I still wish you well and I think your eyes need a more eye opening experience before you become willing to take hold of your life, and quit wasting time allowing others to take hold of you... God Bless

Jul 18, 2013
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Stupid & blind NEW
by: Anonymous

I must be stupid! My hub started new & he just got a truck of his own & he started a big fight with me by getting defensive when I asked him why he blocked me on Facebook & he blames it on the phone carrier & I talked to 3 different people & they all said he has you blocked! Who & what is on that phone is a mystery to me but he expects me to be a good wife attending to his every need when he is home! I don't think so!

Jan 21, 2013
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At least you can see it for what it is.. NEW
by: Anonymous

so now that you are realizing it is him doing the dirt, the big question is what can you do for your self? If he is not taking responsibility for the bills then you have to figure out what are you going to do when the house goes into default. looks like he doesn't want to be bothered with it since he can just sleep in the cab...

Maybe you can start looking for a couple of roommates to help with the mortgage so you don't end up homeless...since he is not there and he is mainly sleeping in his cab...what difference does it make who is paying the mortgage.. you have got to cover your b_ _ _....no matter what!!

Jan 21, 2013
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reply to gambling NEW
by: Anonymous

He is getting cash advances from his employer so all he has to do is write himself a check. The problem here is he wants nothing to do with paying the bills. He makes $35,000 a year. He took out $9000 cash advances last year plus he is charging about $1000 a month to credit cards. Do the math we don't even have enough money to pay the bills. He could care less. he's off in la la land while I'm left to deal with his shit. I'm sick of it. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or gamble so where is the money going? Maybe he has taken up a new hobby. His personality has changed dramatically. He could be doing any one of the things that I think he isn't.

Jan 21, 2013
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My Suspsions....... NEW
by: Anonymous

It sounds more like gambling to me Ma'am! 400.00 to 500.00 cash withdrawals, sounds like way to much for a hooker...not for lot lizards who do not charge much....

So I bet if you look into where the money is being withdrawn from you might find out one of those places happens to be a casino!!

I say this because my trucker guy is a gambler. However, this is his money he works for and if that is what he wants to waste his money on so be it.. I keep his books and do his taxes, and let him know what he owes in taxes. I place all the bills in sequence to be paid, and he places the money there to be paid. He asks when the bills need to be paid ( sometimes he forgets) and I remind him. He hates paying the government, I let him know if he doesn't pay he goes to federal prison...that gets him every time.

I like to play cards every once in awhile so who am I to tell him what he can do with his leftover money...if he loses it...well I guess he doesn't eat then right? I don't worry about his mistakes cause I have me to worry about, and all my mistakes. Why take on anyone else's problems? So what if he is my husband of 25 years...he is a grown man!!!

Just pay your portions of the bills and forget about his problems. You are into this marriage way to far to start thinking about getting out. Make it a marriage of convenience people do this all the time. You will reap the benefits of all his hard work in the long run when your 65 and you apply for retirement benefits you will receive that payment along with your disability payment and the laugh is on him if he thinks by putting you away in an assistant living or hospital. That will not stop you from getting what is rightfully yours under the law. Besides no one can be forced into hospital not in this country.

His behavior is consistent with trying to overload your emotions in order to get you to do what he wants you to do. Do not give in...Stand Strong and don't give into the Bullshit.. He has broken his Vows, through better or worse, through sickness and health, so all vows off now and do what you got to survive. Have some fun on the internet to help you in times of non attention and it will help out with the lonely days.

Wishing you the best! God Bless! :)

Jan 21, 2013
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Stupid NEW
by: Anonymous

I do get some disability but not enough to pay my bills. My husband has got us into some serious debt with his spending. If I ask him any questions "I'm bitching or I'm a bitch". I do see a therapist. She just emailed me and wants me to be commited into the hospital. I don't want to do that. I'm at my wits end. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I know he won't change. Actions speak louder than words. it's up to me to do something. I'm scared to death. I just turned 56 so I'm no spring chicken. How did I get myself into this mess?

Jan 21, 2013
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Hang in there.... NEW
by: Anonymous

First of all...you are NOT stupid. This industry is tough on marriages and family, and not all...but many drivers use their profession to hide from "real life". If indeed he is having an affair or purchasing attention...you don't want to be with him. You deserve better than that. You say you are disabled and depend totally on him. Can you apply for disability? Is there an agency in your community that could give you some assistance? Although I'm not disabled, I am unemployed & as you know, this economy is at a low point, so my job search continues...as I too am forced to be financially dependent on my husband...who is never present. I urge you to seek counseling and take the steps you need to regain your sense of self and remember your value!
God's Blessings......~W~

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