I think he is cheating on me. What do I do?

by Suzie
(Canada)

I'm involved with a man who's a long haul truck driver and most of the time we see each other every weekend.

Sometimes the truck breaks down and sometimes it's 2-3 weeks depending on the breakdown. We always had sex every week when he came home.

Now he ask me to leave him alone, says he's tired and now only wants to have sex with me once a month sometimes every 2 weeks or 3 weeks.

We have only been together less than two years. What am I suppose to think? To add to it I am not allowed to instigate sex it is only on his terms?

I have asked him if he wanted to be single? He said no and why?

I asked him if he's getting his needs met elsewhere and he gets defensive and mad. Then he accuses me of cheating which I am not. I am totally loyal.

Now I'm not allowed to even ask that question because he said if I ask that again he's going to go and cheat.

I love this man but this is totally unacceptable in my book.

Not too long ago he picked up a hitchhiker and brought him home when I was away.

The hitchhiker was gone the next day when I arrived and of course my truck driving man did not want to be intimate with me that weekend before he went on the road.

What am I suppose to think?

Other than he is cheating on me but I have no proof.

Comments for I think he is cheating on me. What do I do?

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May 29, 2019
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If you have doubts and see signs of infidelity RUN! NEW
by: Anonymous soon to be ex wife

I wish you well, maybe there are good trucker spouses? For a few years when he wasn't a long hauler, I think he was faithful, but just don't know. I share in the hopes to spare you the pain if any of this seems familiar. We've married 24yrs. For the past 3 I had strongly suspected and seen the signs, but loved him and always believed his denials. I'm a christian so believed I can only get out of the marriage if there's proven adultery. He'd been unfaithful 8yrs ago, right in front of me. and I forgave him after months of him begging and Gods help, like the trusting fool I was, believing we could make it with work. He blamed alcohol and being wasted and promised to quit drinking for probably the 5th time in our marriage. I knew he was again,I needed proof. So amny in my face betrayals and signs like coming home less and less till it became 5 days/mo. He use to race home after a 10 hr run his last day and leave early the morning of his 1st back. The last yr it was "I'll come home my day off in the afternoon,saying he had tons of laundry/cleaning to do, and leaving at noon the day before he had to work, again saying laundry/cleaning to do at the 5th wheel he stays in by his place of employment. (Or so I believed) He use to bring his laundry home until then. 2 yrs ago i was dx'd with a neurological disease, and when I'd say "you just did all the laundry that's why you came late," he'd argue with me and tell me I'm sick and get days/stories mixed up. No one else had noriced I was as bad as he'd say i was. I was so lonely I could no longer drive and was stuck all month at home, except for when home care would come for my meds or a friend took me out. I'd ask him each summer all summer long, can't I come stay at the trailer during the 11 days your working and cook and care for you? I miss you and you constantly tell me you miss me? He'd say no its a mess tho he was always cleaning right) and you'd be bored,(like I wasn't bored at home, (he's got a\c water internet and satelite at the 5th wheel) it wouldn't be good for your health. Big clue! Until I got this diagnosis his job was a run to Texas. He'd have lay overs each time and at least once every few trips his cell would mysteriously not work for 1-2 days in a row. We suddenly were broke all the time once he had to take over our bills and finances. He was getting paid less he said. No more dates or weekends away that we had done our whole marriage, I believed him since I wasn't working much anymore. So many clues ugh, he'd patronizingly say "aw poor hon, you're just not understanding things, I love you more than anything in this world, I WISH i could take you with." (gag) I felt trapped knowing he was cheating, how could I make it on my own since I can't work now. A yr ago I'd caught him writing a(dear friend) woman on Facebook saying she made him the man he is today, and I seen he had been searching and talking to all kinds of gorgeous women, he apologised profusely blamed it on alcohol, (as always) and couldn't lose me and promised to go off FB and quit drinking. (again) Yes I really was as stupid as I seem! I hated myself for it for sure and still do! And when he was home he'd spend long hours on his phone on Kijiji and Linkedin,( yes I'd look to see and he'd show me) I'd always say "I find it hard to believe you don'g cheat-why don't you trade me in for better" cause he trades vehicles and toys constantly and always looking for work for his company (he's just a driver) and jobs, he said so he could be home more with me. He said he'd never trade me I'm the best there is. Ha I'd say. 2 yrs ago he had his cell turn off immediately when hes done and had both a code and fingerprint to get in. When home he'd be watching sports all winter and in the summer drinking with neighbors. Always drinking non stop getting drunk out of his mind usually, except when he took me to the city for appointments,(hmm never took me to his work or trailer tho.) Huge sign I know. Oh and the sex started totally changing big time in alot of ways the past 2 yrs and the last 2 times I swore he called me Sherry, sure as %$#@ he really did, she was his biggest turn on of them all according to his writings.
He's an alcoholic and a mouthy, charming, funny guy for awhile then gets stupid and ugly. Stays up late drinking. But he alway said he keeps his no drinking on the road promise to me. God he'd call me slurring so many times from his 5th wheel. And thats how i finally caught him, the drunk. I was woken up at 2 in the morning something, I believe it was God, told me to get up n check on him, I thought he took off or something and went to the living room and as i entered I seen him passed out drunk cell phone in his crotch n still on. My heart dropped to my stomach, and I thought this is IT! I'm going to get my proof I just knew it! i took it, and he was in the middle of texting some woman/girl professing his love for her and saying he needs someone he loves to love him tonight cause i had been so bad that night and he needs to know he's a good catch and a great man from someone who loves and desires him. What a Rat, I closed it and seen it was in Linkedin wth a business site and there were so many others, I only went as far back as 2017. He uses it for hookups and affairs, and uses me to touch their hearts to start it up like a hurting saint...I started reading the many women threads and he was a dirty disgusting player, seriously wrote the same the same crap as me to them (I swear he copies and pastes-the loser.) Now I'm laughing and reading the names to him, he didn't see i had the phone n hes denying saying who's that, don't know her to each one i mention. Wouldn't even open his eyes so i woke him with his cell to his head. He sees i have his cell and on it says "they're just girls I want to $#@& I and didn't, so your stuck with me I didn't cheat, (did I mention he's also stupid? i'm stupid too but I have a brain disease and was only stupid for love) then I found where he did meet some, one was going on a trip with her to see an old friend of hers, ha she was one that he was in love with most as he says, maybe a 3some hey! I found out she too was married. And I was his excuse to hook up, his poor deranged wife that he has to stay with cause he's so kind and loving. I'd say that he was to everyone too, meanwhile he was the most lazy, disrespectful, unloving man I ever knew. so we both lied about him. He'd tell people I'm way worse mentally than I am, even got mad at Drs and nurses when they'd say I'm amazing and the disease stopped progressing! I really wonder now...I'd begged him for 3 yrs to come clean I want to live my last 2 yrs in peace and truth, I love you you're my bestfriend, I need you here when I go, admit and we'll move on we'll just go on but sleep apart. I feel it and it stresses me that you wont. If I find out you're lieing it's over for good. Waah he'd say he's not going to be able to live when I am gone and why would he admit a lie knowing he's betraying me on my death bed. I almost hope the "he won't be able to live without me" is the one truth he ever told me. Sorry but like the bible even says "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
I say to you worrying about Lot Lizards-watch Linkedin!!! If you see these signs even one, I say run don' be an idiot like me. Our kids and grandkids are devistated, friends and family too, well not too many as they knew him, but my kids were shocked! Their Mom's dieing, and has to go through all this. Others spouses dealing with this fatality 95% (at least in my support group) take leaves from their jobs or take new p/t ones and downsize their homes and living to spend the last couple of yrs with their loved ones. Caring for them, making more memories reminding them of the good, being positive. Not mine, he went further in debt, bought an $87,300 truck traded our trailer for a seasonal (all without my knowledge, not a new thing) and took up smoking. I was not loved, i didnt deserve any dignity, truth, love and respect, I was treated worse than our pets. He only spoke of when I die made me believe I was worse that i was, I guess talking on the phone with me all day made him sure I was and barely seeing me the 5 days he was home? Because he wouldn't be with me, I had to move to an assisted living. He was happy then he said, as he worried so much for me all alone out there.What a joke. I'm ready to leave doing better than I have in years living without him. That night he fought me for the phone, he said the one I was reading at the time would devastate me
-like really??? He knocked me out for it, never hit me ever before. Told me "I could NOT ever leave him or divorce him n he will NOT drive me back to my A.L home in the morning," grabbed 2 more beer and went to bed. I found my own way to town, blocked his and our phones, and emails, happily they got me a restraining order, not for fear of violence he was a gentle guy always, but fear of my foolish weakness, neediness and love for him. Fearful of how he has so cruelly taken advantage of that love our whole marriage. I am doing so good now, so much was stress, anxiety and depression we all think now and am getting retested to see where I'm at now with the disease, and hoping and praying I'm going to move back to my home and get my pets back.
I shared too much sorry. TMI I'm still bitter and hurting, if you see one of these signs, be smarter and stronger than me, RUN and don't look back.

May 29, 2019
Rating

If you have doubts and see signs of infidelity RUN! NEW
by: Anonymous soon to be ex wife

Don't be a fool like I was. I am divorcing my husband as I finally caught him. We've been together 25 yrs married 24. For the past 3 yrs I had strongly suspected and seen the signs and symptoms, but loved him and always believed his denials. I'm a christian so I can only get out of the marriage if there's proven adultery. He'd cheated 8yrs before and I forgave him like the trusting fool I was, believing we could make it with Gods help. Again he blamed alcohol and promised to quit drinking. I needed to catch him again. Signs like coming home less and less till it became 5 days/mo. He use to race home after a 10 hr run his last day and leave early the morning of his 1st back. The last yr it was "I'll come home my day off in the afternoon,saying he had tons of laundry/cleaning to do, and leaving at noon the day before he had to work, again saying laundry/cleaning to do at the 5th wheel he stays in by his place of employment. (Or so I believed) He use to bring his laundry home until then. 2 yrs ago i was dx'd with a neurological disease, and when I'd say "you just did all the laundry that's why you came late," he'd argue with me and tell me I'm sick and get days/stories mixed up. No one else had noriced I was as bad as he'd say i was. I was so lonely I could no longer drive and was stuck all month at home, except for when home care would come for my meds or a friend took me out. I'd ask him each summer all summer long, can't I come stay at the trailer during the 11 days your working and cook and care for you? I miss you and you constantly tell me you miss me? He'd say no its a mess tho he was always cleaning right) and you'd be bored,(like I wasn't bored at home, (he's got a\c water internet and satelite at the 5th wheel) it wouldn't be good for your health. Big clue! Until I got this diagnosis his job was a run to Texas. He'd have lay overs each time and at least once every few trips his cell would mysteriously not work for 1-2 days in a row. We suddenly were broke all the time once he had to take over our bills and finances. He was getting paid less he said. No more dates or weekends away that we had done our whole marriage, I believed him since I wasn't working much anymore. So many clues ugh, he'd patronizingly say "aw poor hon, you're just not understanding things, I love you more than anything in this world, I WISH i could take you with." (gag) I felt trapped knowing he was cheating, how could I make it on my own since I can't work now. A yr ago I'd caught him writing a(dear friend) woman on Facebook saying she made him the man he is today, and I seen he had been searching and talking to all kinds of gorgeous women, he apologised profusely blamed it on alcohol, (as always) and couldn't lose me and promised to go off FB and quit drinking. (again) Yes I really was as stupid as I seem! I hated myself for it for sure and still do! And when he was home he'd spend long hours on his phone on Kijiji and Linkedin,( yes I'd look to see and he'd show me) I'd always say "I find it hard to believe you don'g cheat-why don't you trade me in for better" cause he trades vehicles and toys constantly and always looking for work for his company (he's just a driver) and jobs, he said so he could be home more with me. He said he'd never trade me I'm the best there is. Ha I'd say. 2 yrs ago he had his cell turn off immediately when hes done and had both a code and fingerprint to get in. When home he'd be watching sports all winter and in the summer drinking with neighbors. Always drinking non stop getting drunk out of his mind usually, except when he took me to the city for appointments,(hmm never took me to his work or trailer tho.) Huge sign I know. Oh and the sex started totally changing big time in alot of ways the past 2 yrs and the last 2 times I swore he called me Sherry, sure as %$#@ he really did, she was his biggest turn on of them all according to his writings.
He's an alcoholic and a mouthy, charming, funny guy for awhile then gets stupid and ugly. Stays up late drinking. But he alway said he keeps his no drinking on the road promise to me. God he'd call me slurring so many times from his 5th wheel. And thats how i finally caught him, the drunk. I was woken up at 2 in the morning something, I believe it was God, told me to get up n check on him, I thought he took off or something and went to the living room and as i entered I seen him passed out drunk cell phone in his crotch n still on. My heart dropped to my stomach, and I thought this is IT! I'm going to get my proof I just knew it! i took it, and he was in the middle of texting some woman/girl professing his love for her and saying he needs someone he loves to love him tonight cause i had been so bad that night and he needs to know he's a good catch and a great man from someone who loves and desires him. What a Rat, I closed it and seen it was in Linkedin wth a business site and there were so many others, I only went as far back as 2017. He uses it for hookups and affairs, and uses me to touch their hearts to start it up like a hurting saint...I started reading the many women threads and he was a dirty disgusting player, seriously wrote the same the same crap as me to them (I swear he copies and pastes-the loser.) Now I'm laughing and reading the names to him, he didn't see i had the phone n hes denying saying who's that, don't know her to each one i mention. Wouldn't even open his eyes so i woke him with his cell to his head. He sees i have his cell and on it says "they're just girls I want to $#@& I and didn't, so your stuck with me I didn't cheat, (did I mention he's also stupid? i'm stupid too but I have a brain disease and was only stupid for love) then I found where he did meet some, one was going on a trip with her to see an old friend of hers, ha she was one that he was in love with most as he says, maybe a 3some hey! I found out she too was married. And I was his excuse to hook up, his poor deranged wife that he has to stay with cause he's so kind and loving. I'd say that he was to everyone too, meanwhile he was the most lazy, disrespectful, unloving man I ever knew. so we both lied about him. He'd tell people I'm way worse mentally than I am, even got mad at Drs and nurses when they'd say I'm amazing and the disease stopped progressing! I really wonder now...I'd begged him for 3 yrs to come clean I want to live my last 2 yrs in peace and truth, I love you you're my bestfriend, I need you here when I go, admit and we'll move on we'll just go on but sleep apart. I feel it and it stresses me that you wont. If I find out you're lieing it's over for good. Waah he'd say he's not going to be able to live when I am gone and why would he admit a lie knowing he's betraying me on my death bed. I almost hope the "he won't be able to live without me" is the one truth he ever told me. Sorry but like the bible even says "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
I say to you worrying about Lot Lizards-watch Linkedin!!! If you see these signs even one, I say run don' be an idiot like me. Our kids and grandkids are devistated, friends and family too, well not too many as they knew him, but my kids were shocked! Their Mom's dieing, and has to go through all this. Others spouses dealing with this fatality 95% (at least in my support group) take leaves from their jobs or take new p/t ones and downsize their homes and living to spend the last couple of yrs with their loved ones. Caring for them, making more memories reminding them of the good, being positive. Not mine, he went further in debt, bought an $87,300 truck traded our trailer for a seasonal (all without my knowledge, not a new thing) and took up smoking. I was not loved, i didnt deserve any dignity, truth, love and respect, I was treated worse than our pets. He only spoke of when I die made me believe I was worse that i was, I guess talking on the phone with me all day made him sure I was and barely seeing me the 5 days he was home? Because he wouldn't be with me, I had to move to an assisted living. He was happy then he said, as he worried so much for me all alone out there.What a joke. I'm ready to leave doing better than I have in years living without him. That night he fought me for the phone, he said the one I was reading at the time would devastate me
-like really??? He knocked me out for it, never hit me ever before. Told me "I could NOT ever leave him or divorce him n he will NOT drive me back to my A.L home in the morning," grabbed 2 more beer and went to bed. I found my own way to town, blocked his and our phones, and emails, happily they got me a restraining order, not for fear of violence he was a gentle guy always, but fear of my foolish weakness, neediness and love for him. Fearful of how he has so cruelly taken advantage of that love our whole marriage. I am doing so good now, so much was stress, anxiety and depression we all think now and am getting retested to see where I'm at now with the disease, and hoping and praying I'm going to move back to my home and get my pets back.
I shared too much sorry. TMI I'm still bitter and hurting, if you see one of these signs, be smarter and stronger than me, RUN and don't look back.

Jul 26, 2018
Rating

Get Out While You're Young
by: Anonymous

Hope your smarter than me as I put up with my trucking husband cheating on me for over 40 years, 12 while he drove truck long distance.

Started out being in the party row with lot lizards then he graduated to escorts. He gave me STD after STD all those years and like a fool I buried my head in the sand.

Wish I had of left years ago because now it's too late because of finances. Get out while your young and can start a new life.

Jul 26, 2018
Rating

Tell Him Why You Feel the Way You Feel
by: Hervy

Let him know why you feel like things are different between you. Give him specific examples of what has changed.

Tell him you want to get counseling to improve the relationship.

If you have specific examples and he doesn't want to get counseling, I suggest you still go and talk to a counselor yourself.

Doesn't have to be paid. Every church should have someone that is qualified is not by trade then by experience.

If no church find an older couple that's been together for a long time and get advice.

Also, this download could help you with a conversation. Hopefully, he wants to make things better.

Improving long distance relationships

(Long story short, you should take about what each of you require in the relationship to feel loved. You ask him first, then it's your turn to share.)

Best of luck

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