Is Anyone Else Annoyed by His Swearing and Gutter Talk

by Lisa
(Chicago )

Any one else annoyed by the language their spouse/significant other uses when talking about random things?

I understand that he is a trucker but is it too much to ask him to watch his language? I don't like gutter talk and I think there should be a dividing line of being at work and being at home.

I'm not one of his work buddies. I don't need to hear an f bomb every 5th word.

Am I being too picky???

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Sep 28, 2021
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"taste of his own medicine"
by: Jimmy

This is a little out of left field, but you have to have an open mind....YOU should start cussing casually which you obviously don't do now. Increase it gradually over a few days. I mean, get down ! He will notice it and this will cure him of his problem. Luck to 'ya Jimmy

Aug 17, 2021
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When Did The Gutter Talk Start
by: Hervy

I think the way that you view it and respond depends somewhat on when it started.

If he was always talking like that and maybe you've grown to has a distaste for it, then you have to find a delicate way to ASK him if he is aware of his language.

Tell him how it now makes you feel to be around it and/or hear it coming from him.

If he picked it up and increase the usage of the "gutter talk" since becoming a trucker or after you and him were married, then that is not what you married into.

You can still be delicate but you have a different standing for your dislike for the language.

Now beyond that I think you have to not take it personal if he isn't open to changing his word choice.

Because you can share with him how it affects you viscerally. But the other thing is you can work on not letting it affect you viscerally.

At the same time explain or share the difference in how you notice you treat him when he speaks one way verses the other.

That might give your more leverage than just asking him to change. (This will depend on the dynamics of your relationship already)

So here is an example.....

Maybe when he talks like that it diminishes your attraction to him. Or you don't feel like being intimate to him. Tell him.

You don't want to cook, eat with him, make love to him, etc. (Not that you Don't, but if you do your heart is not in it)

Compared to......

Maybe when he cleans up the way he talks to you, you might feel more feminine, more attracted to him and want to do the things to him he likes or could be missing etc. (Massages, cooking favorite dishes, etc)

Does this make sense?

Another way to look at it, especially if he has been like this since shortly after meeting you, if he feels so comfortable around you that he lets himself be free to talk like that!

Good luck!

Also, at the end of the day remember, we actually choose what we let bother and affect us.

Unfortunately we are not taught that level of awareness so its hard to grasp and even harder to implement and lets admit it....there's more nuance living it than intellectually agreeing with that perspective.

Ideally once you express how it makes you feel especially if he picked this up later after getting married, he will care enough (Or be aware enough) to be mindful of how it makes you look at him.

lol, so it goes both ways that it is an opportunity for both of you to be enlightened and grow in your perspective of the situation at hand.

Who knows maybe from a serious conversation about this you will discover some profound reason that he talks like that! lol

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