Is it normal to not talk the entire time he's OTR?

by Penny
(Michigan)

Been married 10 years, we have 2 kids. Hubs has always been a driver, but was local for many years, with awful hours. So OTR driving actually gave us back some normalcy at home.

Yes he's gone M-F but some weeks, he may actually make it home for a night because of where he's headed the next day.

My confusion and I guess dull ache in my heart...from the time he leaves till he comes home, we only exchange 2 texts each day. Good Morning in the AM and I love you in the PM. That's it.

I've tried started other conversations during the day....about work or about the kids, and it's very one sided. He seems like he just wants to 'fix' whatever I'm talking about and stop talking.

I just don't think it's normal to not communicate or talk the entire time he's gone.

He's also recently admitted that he's looking at porn. We have always been on the same opinion (I know everyone has there own, but this has always been ours)...that it gives unrealistic ideas to someone consuming those images and can actually hurt a sex life.

We were both married before, and in the past he admitted that porn hurt his marriage, so he stopped. My ex-husband also really hurt our marriage and sex life from consuming porn.

I just have a lot of fear. Fear of the unknowns...what is he doing on his breaks, who is he talking to, what images/media is he consuming, why doesn't he want to spend any of those breaks talking to me or our kids.

I don't know. I don't even know if this is a good place to be asking these questions.

I'm just sad and scared.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

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Aug 02, 2023
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Reasons He May Not Communicating
by: Hervy

Hi. (I changed your name because this could get serious)

I think you have a legit concern. I mean there are some reasons that he might go through less talkative times...

For example with me

If I'm trying to learn something by podcast

Listening to Bloomberg or Yahoo Finance because I'm in the middle of a stock trade

I'm in the middle of trying to flesh out a business idea.

Or i'm just in deep thought about something that I'm reflecting on

Or meditating about some goal I'm working on gratification for something, situation.

HOWEVER.... I'm not married and no kids.. And when I had a girlfriend, I would talk to her for hours in between those times I didn't want to talk.

The fact that he admitted to having a problem with porn in the past and is watching it again. Is a potential problem.

The fact that he won't converse about family matters is a problem. Especially if he once did that before when gone.

I understand the wanting to fix it part. Most of us men are like that and many haven't learned that women actually often don't want a fix, they want to be heard and comforted and re-assured that he is there with her on the journey.

(And i may be missing others things that I don't know yet, but i know to listen and not rush off the phone lol. Even though I might make some suggestions to address the issue. But it's a conversation not a way to end the phone call.)

So maybe he doesn't even understand that but I would think after that long of marriage and being together, you should know each other well enough. He should know that.

The GOOD thing is, he actually stops in the house during the week when he's going through! That's shows he is still in the family mindset.

Some women say they don't see the trucker for weeks. He could easily not let you know he's coming through if he's actively trying to ignore the family.

So I think your relationship can get on track. I just think you need to have a talk about WHY he doesn't converse more about family matters.

And if would be great if you could get marriage counseling. Because if he can't put himself in your shoes to see how he's checked out.....

or if he is addicted to what he's watching and he is not aware of it....

It's likely he will hear there is a problem with his behavior better from a 3rd person outside of the relationship differently than he would from you.

Now here are some other reasons that he might not want to talk. But I don't think they are likely with how you've written your post. You don't seem the type. However.....

If you're complaining about his job or putting him down or belittling him or arguing a lot for some reason when you do talk to him... that might make him less talkative.

Another thing that could affect him is if he's miserable with the job. But he has no alternative to provide for the family and he don't want to let it be known that he's unhappy or feels less manly due to being in that situation. Which could lead to him talking less. It could also contribute to the material he's watching if that is used as self medication.

So that's why it's important to have straight up direct conversation about why he's not communicating.

(there is not good answer if he's not handing it well, which he's not. But it give you clarity and insight)

So then, you suggest getting counseling to work on the issue so it can be navigated in a more constructive and family centered positive way.

His way is NOT working.

Hope you got something out of this. Best of luck!

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