Keeping it between the lines.....

by Mazie
(Middle Tennessee)

Where to start....
We have been married almost five years with no children, just a little dog that can usually settle our arguments. I've been over the road with him the past five years pulling a step deck.

We are owner-operators, but I don't drive. almost did... We have done some amazing things in that time. I have seen this country over and over again and each time something new to discover, and have been to 7 provinces in Canada- amazing stuff really...

But in that five years things have taken a tole on me-physically, mentally, emotionally, and frankly at 25 I am one stressed out chick alllll the time.

We moved 700 miles two years ago (for better work location) from where I am from. We kno nobody here, have no body and from suffering herniated discs in my lower back, and different ailments...

I feel so alone and fight depression more often than I like to admit.. I feel like the man I married is disappearing... He has gotten so used to me being in the truck- feeding him, load and unload, which can be challenging and I do pull my own weight out there which has landed me back problems..

But, I can dispatch and do all my paperwork from home which is still not satisfying to me, because I am so alone in this world. And I know it is lonely out there to a point, there is still interaction with people- shipper/receiver, restaurants, truck stops, etc...

This was the career that he chose 10 years ago.. I just married into it and we have built it up together. But, I am wanting more than just being a truckers wife, I honestly feel like I am in his shadow.

He does not support me doing anything else, like nothing... I wanted to take a painting class Saturday evening just to get out in a safe environment and maybe learn how to paint-never done it before and be around other people, and he acted like that was ridiculous and a waste of time...

I feel so stuck and again alone. Even when he is here we are working on granted stuff that needs to be done, but hardly ever have any kind of fun because being productive is how he has fun...

That is not how he used to be... Before all this was coming into light... I wanted to have kids with him, but have recently discovered that he doesn't want kids, he would rather have trucks...ouch...

I really don't know what to do. Our entire relationship has been behind a wind shield and I honestly don't know if it can that is our issues, I think insecurity plays a role on both our parts, but I don't know how to shake it off..

Things just are not right, it makes me want to move back home and that is screwing with my head.. It is hard, when he is gone if we aren't talking loads there is not much else to talk about, at least on my end.

I worry, oh I worry constantly about him on these roads with ignorant rude people, too. I have seen some stuff, makes my arm hairs stand up thinking about it. It is dangerous...

When we aren't getting along it really sucks.... I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life and not one person to turn to... I don't know, I figured there would be a website for this kind of venting, and I appreciate it, cause it is darn hard to be a trucker's woman. survive me going a different career path.

I have went to college three different times and have not finished what I wanted to do, but he acts like that is a waste of time, too. He is a good man , No Man is perfect and No woman is perfect, I trust him and I think he trusts me..I don't think

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Oct 29, 2015
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Oct 03, 2015
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Mapping out a plan
by: Hervy

I can see how you would be frustrated and feel overwhelmed Mazie. Lots going on at once.

Easy thing first, you said he felt school and the painting class was a waste. Does that mean you can't go? Is he one of those guys who commands every detail of your life or do you just feel like you shouldn't because of his thought about it.

I say you should take the class first. Then enroll back in school to either finish one of the curriculums that you started if you are still interested in that or do a curriculum that you are interested in and will complete.

Honestly, I think that alone will help you out overall.

What I would do is also consider what you might be able to do with the knowledge gained from that curriculum. Not necessarily job wise but in a entrepreneurial way. How can any of that instruction improve other people's lives or provide a good or service, solve a problem or fill a void.

You already know how to handle business. You likely can be resourceful, assertive and multitask. You have already been doing these things successfully.

As a matter of fact if any of that can relate to enhancing the business he will likely approve since you said he is always interested in things related to trucking business.

That puts you around people who are doing something, with a similar mindset, and with goals and ambition. Always a great group to see everyday while not wasting time but doing something worthwhile.

Going to school for business, accounting, communication, logistics, etc all can be said to support the trucking business and take it to another level. (Which it can...)

Then when complete you can situation yourself and him so that he can indeed get off the road and manage the business and drivers or just go into brokering or provide a service to trucking companies.

I don't know, think creative. You are not limited to your current circumstances to don't let the now frustrate you so much that you are not able to create a better future.

Just step back and see bigger view of the picture. A fly in the window might stay there looking outside while a door is right beside the window wide open. Don't be that fly.

As far as the relationship. A book called The Five Love Languages might be helpful. Also, on the kids. Has he explicitly said he doesn't want kids or have you concluded that. Find out under what conditions or when would he consider kids.
He might not want them right now.

Also, consider your financial situation. Do you guys owe a lot for equipment right now. If the money is somewhat tight due to bills it could motivate him to be focused on creating revenue. Many good men who are providers and are mindful of protecting the family 'financially' will be driven to get to a certain place before entertaining other things. Depends on how he thinks and who he is as a person. You have to figure that... and how to deal with it. (Which being able to be more profitable with less expense will address this....goes back to entrepreneurial mindset)

Suppose you brokered loads and not just dispatch his truck but other trucks too. Or even take a dispatch job?

Ok, I got away from relationships, lol.

The other think is have you talked to him about the relationship? Ask him what would make him happier with the relationship? Then he will ask you what will make you happier. You then let him know what you need based on what communicates love to you. (Read the book, "The Five Love Languages" Gary Chapman.

Best of luck

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