Learning to be alone as a truckers wife

by Vanessa
(Fowlerville, Mi, USA)

My husband and I

I love my husband and his job as a trucking is ruining our marriage. It feels like I am a widow who can never move on.

Sex is a major problem for me. My husband is gone 2-3 months and feels extremely uncomfortable with phone sex. So that leaves me to fend for myself.

I hate to admit that this means that I have kissed other men (not had sex with though) in an attempt to feel loved and wanted.

My husband and I have gotten past this, but still have difficulty showing our love to each over the long distances.

Plus I do everything around the house! Mow the lawn in the summer, shovel the drive in the winter, maintenance for the car, take care of the finances, you name it and I do it!

The worst is at nights when I am SOOOO lonely and miss his warmth against me.

This has been the most difficult time of my life. Still, I am proud of my husband for doing what he needs to do in order to take care of our family.

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Oct 23, 2012
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To 'Hunter' NEW
by: Vanessa

Hunter,
I'm so sorry to hear all that you are going through and can completely relate! I get that trucker husbands want to come home and enjoy themselves, being out on the road can be difficult and exhausting. However, you can't just put relationship needs on hold. I remember holding a lot in because I didn't want our few days together to be filled with me nagging or us getting into a fight. When I did try to bring things up over the phone while he was on the road, he would listen intently but nothing changed. I felt lonely, neglected, and resentful. I hope that you can find a way to tell your husband what your needs are and that he values your relationship enough to put those needs ahead of trucking. Don't allow yourself to be second to trucking!

Oct 23, 2012
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sucks being a truckers wife NEW
by: Hunter

Two years ago my husband became a OTR trucker. IT was the worse thing to happen to our marriage. He loves being away. when he is home he wants his laundry done food cooked and be left alone to go on computer, he is home only a few days. He became withdrawn and doesn't want to repair anything in the house. Our relationship is cold he said I need sleep and rolls over. Its all about him and his JOB. He yells he wants me to do more in house. There are things I need a guy for to fix. I have Lupus so im alone and weak. I was in the hospital for over a week with pneumonia and he never attempted to come home early to see me. We were very loving till this job destroyed us. He wont hear of leaving it..
I feel forgotten, all he does is pay bills. But I need to feel his love again.

Sep 26, 2010
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Update
by: Vanessa

I am writing this to inform any commenters that my husband and I ended up getting a divorce. That you for the support and tips, but I believe that although his job was the final thing that destroyed us, there were other issues. My husband stopped wanting to have sex altogether, began to withdraw from family and friends, and stopped taking care of his own hygiene.

He came home after being gone for two months and said he was tired of having the responsibility of being a husband, explaining that he enjoyed being out on the road and didn't want to have to come home anymore. He left that day and I got divorce papers a couple of months later.

We are now officially divorced, but still communicate on occassion. Since our break up he has told me how easy it is to become detached out on the road. And I have been able to identify things I need within a relationship. My tip to Trucker Wives who are still holding on is to make rules about what you need and what your husband needs. If you can't fulfill each others relationship needs, don't sacrifice your happiness.

P.S. We are both happier people now.

Sep 26, 2010
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Remeber your marriage vows
by: Anonymous

Communication, trust, loyalty, support are the key to any marriage or relationship.I will be blunt! IT TAKES A STRONG, INDEPENDANT, AND DEVOTED WOMAN TO BE A TRUCKER’S WIFE.You are not alone, many women are trucker wives and they all have a story to tell. Don't get yourself in a situation that temptation will take over.How would you feel if your husband were kissing other women? If the reasons are to feel loved, and wanted, then there are sexual urges as well.
Many women find ways to relieve the sexual stress, without infidelity. I am completely blank on phone sex. Never experienced that.
What goes around, comes back to haunt you. Once trust has been questioned, it takes a long time to get back and it may never be the same. I know! Of course, you are having a problem showing your love, I am sure he feels betrayed and hopefully you feel guilty. How can your husband trust you to be faithful? Trucker's have a lonely life out there on the road and too much time to think and rethink a situation, especially on the home front as to what is going on. That means they are keeping their mind on the road and that can be fatal. Find something to get involved in that is educational [learning about the trucking industry] or something that will provide you with education in the working field. If you have the ability to work then go get a job and keep busy. By night time you may be tired enough to just want to sleep. The sex thing, hey I may be a senior citizen, but ain’t dead yet. You have to learn to mentally to put sex on the hold and believe me when he does come home, the desire will still be there. Some women, have never had the experiences you have of taking care of yourself. WOW, that is an accomplishment. You have proven you can do it, to yourself. So many trucker wives still complain because their man is not there to put gas in the car. GEEEEEE , lets get into the real world.I am the only one responsible for my happiness. Your husband may be the center of your whole existences, but you are in for a rude awaking. Your husband should add to your happiness not be the sole reason of your happiness. A Trucker’s Wife, does endure many lonely nights and days and many events he will not be able to attend, but you don’t stop living. Yeap, it is like being single, but does not mean you should behave that way.So work on that communication and let him know you love him and only him. Nothing wrong in giving yourself a hug.I hope you have family support nearby. You are better off with family than with a mixed gender group at this point.
Check out Trucker Wives Support group.Blunt, yes. But meant with the best intentions
God Bless

Sep 26, 2010
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Dec 15, 2009
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Yes, 2-3 months!
by: Vanessa

I can't ride with him because I have by own career as a psychotherapist. He stays out for 2-3 months because he would rather spend more time home than be home more frequently. So when he does come home, he stays for a week. But I would rather just have him home more often even if it means only seeing him for a few days.

Luckily, we have an excellent cell phone plan through Sprint and can talk unlimited and without roaming charges.

But yes, I start to go out of my mind after so long.

Dec 14, 2009
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Vanessa is lonely.
by: Jimmy

Wow, Vanessa, he's gone 2-3 months? Can you ride with him sometimes? Meet up with him while he's layed over somewhere? If you both have internet, use "SKYPE.COM" Totally free. Jimmy

Dec 14, 2009
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Why does he stay gone 2-3 months??
by: Robin

That is a LONG time! The longest my husband was gone was 45 days and I thought I was going to lose my mind. He's usually gone 2-3 weeks. Do you have support from family and friends?

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