Losing my mind, my patience, and my heart

by Jackie
(L.A., CA USA)

Howdy ladies & possibly gents.
I've been with my OTR driver bf for a little over 3 years. He's been driving for over a year and a half. Recently we had a big talk about whether we should keep "trucking" or should we let it go.

He said he realized he was being selfish by leaving me alone for so many weeks at a time and then popping me out of his back pocket when he wanted me. (His words) While I appreciate the honesty- I'm so conflicted. I'm young, attractive, w/o kids and spend so much alone.

I want to start my own life but I'm stuck. I love him. He makes me laugh, he has done things that show he's crazy about me but then other times he won't call for days.

When he started driving he would message me, we'd talk and he was making it home at least once a month. Then last year (2015) he started staying out on the road longer. Some times 6 or more weeks have gone by & he hasn't come home.

He has said coming home is stressing because he feels like he has to be everything to his kids, get rest, take care of business, see me, and there isn't enough time. Then at times he comes home but i see him for a few hours of alone time then he spends the rest of the week with his kid or his mom.

I don't get in the middle of his kids but after being away for over a month I need more than 6-8 hours of face time. I try to be understanding and not give him too much guff but it's hard because I'm still a youngish woman with needs!

I dated a trucker before this but somehow this feels different. He's given me every reason about why he doesn't call much, but I feel like there has to be give and take. I call then you call. Not me all the time. He even said he doesn't consider the amount of time that we don't speak while he's driving because being on the road takes up his whole thought process. (WTF) He says he's driving so hard so he can make a better life but I'm unsure where I fit in to that.

His plans to come off the road have gotten stiffled and I feel the clock is just ticking. We've playfully discussed marriage but no solid plan. We have no kids together and truthfully a piece of me is dying just thinking about not having him in my life.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestions, especially from some of you who've really been down this road.
Thanks

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Mar 04, 2016
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You two need to have a serious conversation not playful one
by: Hervy

There is a conflict with your feelings but there is a lot that you need to take seriously in my opinion.

I understand that you love him. That's cool. Some times he seems to show you equal love. That part is fine.

However, you said more than enough to cancel that out. I mean, if you want something long term and all he is doing is playful engaging in the discussion that is a sign. If you say it is your fault for not seriously having that conversation, then I would respond with, "Seriously have it and see how it goes."

Next thing, if he is gone for all of that time before coming home, I don't see how to justify just a few hours with you. Of course he wants to see his kids, but is he only home for 2 days or something?

Having said that? How much money does he have to send to his kids? Is there child support? ARe they playing sports, etc... Also, have you met his kids and are yall close?

If you want something more serious, seems that would be the case....

Something else, a real (good)man does not escape responsibility like that. Plus if he is gone that long to escape his kids, then spend the whole time there with them. That doesn't add up. If he wanted to be around his kids that much, he would not be able to stay away for that amount of time and justify it so simply and immaturely as with the reason that you gave.

So my question is, "Is he really with his kids?" I don't know, I just want you to check yourself and see if that is something that you are able to answer with reasonable certainty. I hope you can. That would eliminate the thought behind that question.

Bottom line is, you do have to make sure you are on the same page.

Do you want the same things for the future. And what SPECIFICALLY are the plans for the future. For instance, if he says that he will marry you someday, (when is someday) then will he still be on the road then? When do he plan on getting off? Is that something that you are OK with? Does he want more kids? Do you? If so, does he plan on helping you raise them or will he feel like he rather escape that responsibility as well and be on the road?

So you need to have serious conversation and stop waiting for things to get better. Things are not likely to just change if you allow it to continue that way it is going.

If he can't commit to meeting you half way on what you expect out of a relationship with him, then I don't see why it makes sense to remain in that.

That's my 2 cents and I hope other people will give theirs as well. And I also hope things are better with you soon. Don't want to see you stressed posting a similar message a year from now. It's not what life is supposed to be.

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