Lost And Very About the Relationship

I've been with my husband 19 years married 12.
He was a truck driver when I met him.
He was an owner operator for years and would be gone all week long coming home late Friday evenings and leaving again early Sunday afternoons, leaving me to raise our kids alone most of the time.

He lied and cheated and wasn't always a good husband. I have had to face many of the hardest times of my life alone. He didn't come to our own daughters wake or funeral and my dad took me to all my doctors appointments when I was fighting cancer.

I don't know why I stayed but I did; 5 years when I got pregnant with our 4th child he me again left again for about 7 months when he came back home, I still caught him talking to another woman for awhile. Once our daughter was born it was like he did a turn around he became a loving caring devoted father and husband.

He sold his truck and got a regional driver job which allowed him to be home everyday, even though he still was gone 12-14 hours a day he was still home.

Family life was finally good and felt good!!!

Two years ago we moved from NY to Florida and when he couldn't find a job locally he took a job in North Dakota. My health is not good I haven't been able to work in a few years. I'm alone with no friends and only knowing my parents.

He is gone for months at a time and comes home for a week or two and is gone for months again. I'm completely alone trying to raise 3 kids, take care of my health, the house the dogs etc. My parents try to help but they are older and not in good health the self anymore so I really am alone.

He has been the sole financial support for the family because I can't work and he is a great provider the kids and I don't want for anything. He always sacrifices and goes without so we can have and like I said since our last child was born he is a different man, he does love me and has not cheated on me since that I know of.

I had never cheated on my husband nor did I think I ever would but not long after we moved I met a guy and for months our relationship was platonic, it was nice to have someone around and really fell in love. I wanted to leave my husband and when I told him he made it impossible. Long story short it's been a year and a half and all we do is fight. He says he loves me and wants it to work but we fight over everything!!!!

I'm always being accused of things and he is demanding and always wants more than I have to give.

I'm on the fence, I don't know if I am supposed to continue to try and make it work or just walk away. 19 years is a long time and starting over scares me!!

I worry how I can survive with out him and what happens if I regret my decision.
I'm truly lost but I know I can't be on the fence anymore it's tearing us both apart!!