Married but feeling Single

by kim
(United States)

just me.

Hi everyone. Not sure how to start. My name is kim. Been married to a trucker for over 17 years now. He is a long haul trucker, sometimes never see him but once or twice a month. And then it's just for 1-2 days at most.

We have a 16 year old daughter, who seems to take it all in stride. After all, it is all she has ever known. Her Daddy is never home. End of story. Mommy takes care of everything. Including a 81 year old, disabled grandmother, who needs constant care, and a agoraphobic 24 year old son from my previous marriage who, on occasion can become violent with me, only with me, never with my daughter or my mother.

So when I ask my husband for help, he tells me he does his part (bringing in the money) and for me to do my part. The money situation is another sore spot. He keeps control of the money, I am on an allowance.

Since I cannot work, due to so many responsibilities at home, he claims I do not contribute to the family. Why don't I leave? Because I have no way to support my ailing mother, my socially deficient son or my daughter. My life is a nightmare. If not for my daughter, I would def kill myself,no kidding, I would in a heartbeat. But she needs me, at least for a few more years...then we will see.

And that is my story.My life. Did I mention I also have fibromyalgia, which causes me unbearable, agonizing pain every single day of my life? Yet, I clean, cook, run errands, pay bills,(with what little money he leaves me) I go to churches for handouts for food because there is never enough money for food, even though his checks are over $1,200.00 a week.

Sorry for my bad typing I also need glasses which he will not let me get. He refuses to let me apply for Obama care or a medical card. Thank you for hearing me out. I really appreciate it and I am sorry that all I did was whine.

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Oct 22, 2014
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Help Is Available NEW
by: Anonymous

Hello. I agree with the comment about all the options available to you. As a mental health counselor, you can benefit from seeking professional help. There is nothing wrong with having someone to talk to and give you coping skills to manage day to day stressors. (I myself have been medicated for depression in the past prior to becoming a MHC.) Build a positive support system that you can talk to and that will encourage positive progression in all aspects of life. Your son does qualify for Social Security which will also provide excellent medical benefits. There is also a program called Medicaid Waiver. It will basically pay for ANYTHING your son needs (a sitter, enjoyable activities, alterations in home to make things better for him, etc.)There are also respite care & home health aid programs available to you for your mother.

Sep 30, 2014
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really NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm a trucker and my gf had everything when we were together there's no reason why you shouldn't you are a beautiful woman you should be treated like a queen if I were you get the dying out of your head be strong divorce him make your son do it I on his own he's over 18 take your daughter and find a good man I'm proof we are out here I'd treat you rite remember it never gets that bad to end with death it only gets better your smart take control sweetheart

Sep 23, 2014
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??? NEW
by: Anonymous

I am the person who wrote the first response to this post.

I am sorry you both are going through so much hardship in your life right now. I dont know why your husbands are acting the way they are I can only assume that they do not know how to handle their jobs.

My trucker has been driving for 25 years and all his trucker buddies have been too. I see that these men are more accepting of what their job entails. I am sure just like anyone else out there on the rode truck drivers become upset because there are so many lousy reg. drivers out there that are idiots! Coupled with the fact that loads are not always ready, off loading is troublesome when the receiving side is not ready to accept it, time gets wasted and guess what they dont get paid for wait time.

This is only the tip of the iceberg there is WAY more to this occupation. With that said, try and show some compassion when they get pisst off, dont you already know that it isn't you that caused it all?? Try not to take it personally.

They need some one there to blow off steam that's all. Stay real quiet when they do this and just listen. Try not to judge them. Men know how to take care of men problems and they are not looking for any information from us on how to handle it. They blow off steam and then come up with their own solution and then you have helped them just by listening.

If you can not handle it when they are blowing off steam simply end the conversation politely. Wait awhile call back and see if things are better. I know its hard for us women but we do not have to make a comment after everything that the guy is talking about. In other words find a way to stay out of it.

If none of this helps well, maybe its time to get out of the relationship and move on. Why be miserable life is too short.

Coming from a truckers wife 25 years and still going strong.

Sep 22, 2014
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Your husband is not worth killing yourself NEW
by: Anonymous

Listen, you mentioned if it was not for your daughter & son you would commit suicide! No man is worth killing yourself over especially a man that is a trucker! It's not you, it's him! Since mine has been one for close to 2 years I have noticed changes in mine & I can't seem to talk to him over anything unless he blows up at me or rants & yells! I hung up on mine yesterday because he has a team driver that keeps messing up & I asked if he told him about it & he said no, he was just biding his time till his friend joins him after his friend settles a legal dispute & I told him your friend may not even get on the truck & I asked why don't you have the guts to tell this guy off but you have a lot of mouth with me & what does mine say "oh don't worry about it, let's change the subject" so I hung up & blocked his #! Please get help & like I said no man is worth committing suicide over! I wish you the best!

Sep 20, 2014
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ok NEW
by: Anonymous

a few things you need to know and this is if you really really want out. your son should be on ssi since he is mentally incapable of taking care of himself, and in the case that his biological father is not helping you in supporting his challenged son. that should be about 900.00 a month. this also makes you disabled to work and with your condition i believe in the same category eligible for ssi... since you take care of your sick mother and sick grandmother then there is also hours the county/state/gov. can pay you for their care usually at minimum wage and in some states even covers medical coverage, then their is child support for your daughter, and alimony for you that your husband needs to pay you once you get out on your own.... you have 17 years invested so you will get a good portion of his checks each month...so your best bet is to get with an individual who can explain the system like a social worker where you take your son for mental health and definitely call a social security insurance lawyer to open a case with that office....you do not need to pay anything up front to this lawyer they will get only 15% when the case is filed opened and your son is accepted. same for you....so now there are no excuses if you really want out...just as there are resources out there that you found for extra food well, there are plenty more programs out there to get you on your feet. js and good luck.

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