My new life as a truckers wife

by Liz
(Fort Wayne, IN)

First, not sure how to re-act to this trucking life. Because of this lousy economy, my husband has decided to truck drive and it sucks. Not sure what to expect for him being gone all the time except for the ocassional 1 to 2 days off or what I have heard after his initial 4 to 6 week training, but what I have been told is that maybe he will get a dedicated route with his mentor he might be home for a weekend or two. I am not sure how to "cope" with the stress of living alone, or should I travel with him. I also have a dog that I refuse to give up which means now I cannot travel with him and could really use every bit of advice that other women or men go thru with spouses out on the road. I already have depression and also a recovering alcoholic of 15 years. I never imagined in my life my husband would truck drive for a living due to the two recent jobs he has tried due to poor paument or "not" enough pay. I understand the economy bited and jobs are hard to dind, but this is not what I imagined he would ever do. How do they decide for the company he works for when he can get off for the holidays? If anyone out there could guide me into becoming a truckers wife, please respond. Thanks

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Jan 24, 2010
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a truckers wife top advice
by: Hervy

Liz, I hate you have been corner into life as a trucker's wife and I wish there was a magic pill to change things for you, but we know things doesn't work like that.

Liz gave you excellent advice and it is a long post but I hope you will read every work of both post.

You are in a very good place here and at the support group on facebook, like she said you want to be around people who know what you feel, have been there done that and survived from your perspective to a much better place and relationship.

If can happen but it doesn't happen on it's own. It takes work just as a marriage takes work.

Be careful not to let your disapproval of how the situation has evolved affect how your attitude is toward your husband because that will only create a divide in the relationship.

You need to be proactive in as many ways as possible so as to not fall victim to temptation of the past problems you had with addiction.

Please remember all those who suffer right now with no signs of hope from being a slave to drugs and alcohol, we don't want you to return to that state.

Stay positive and develop a plan as to how he can transition from the truck to a normal husband again one day and the temporary life as a truckers wife will be easier to swallow.

Just remember, life rarely changes in our favor without us first playing an actively role in making it happen.

Jan 21, 2010
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I know how you feel...
by: Angie

https://www.lifeasatrucker.com/truckers-wives-forums-and-truckers-wives-chat.html

Join us wives in chat 6 central time!

Jan 21, 2010
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I know how you feel...
by: Angie

https://www.lifeasatrucker.com/truckers-wives-forums-and-truckers-wives-chat.html

Join us wives in chat 6 central time!

Jan 21, 2010
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Focus on the good part 2
by: EricsWife

Like I said in the beginning, focus on the positive. It is easy to focus on the negative, especially since that seems to be the majority of what I am reading on these websites. You have taken the best first step you could have in order to help yourself cope, you have joined this group. Here, you will find lots of support, suggestions, and words of wisdom from both your fellow wives and a few of the guys. Some of my favorite things are: not having to share the remote, being able to eat seafood every day if I want to, having a clean toilet seat, getting alone time with the kids, getting girl time with my friends, getting to pick him up every 2-9 weeks, and getting to talk to him every day. There are lots more good things, you just have to find them.

One thing I have read is that some wives complain that they pamper their husbands when they are home, but nobody pampers them. Do what I do, pamper yourself. That's what girlfriends are for. Tonight is nails, wine tasting, dinner, and comedy show with the girls. I pamper myself. I deserve it. This is where working also comes in handy....you make the money, you can afford it, and you don't have to ask permission to spend it or feel guilty if you treat yourself. Treating yourself does not have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as getting a new lipstick or nail polish.

Another word of wisdom I will give you is that you can not do anything to change your husband, you can only resolve to better and improve yourself. I see lots of stories about cheating husbands. Cheating has nothing to do with the job and everything to do with the man. Do not let tales of cheating husbands get you down. Even if he is cheating, what can you do? The answer is not much. You can only control you. You can not control him. Trying to change or control him will make you both crazy. You just need to become the best woman that you can be and if that is not good enough for him, that is his problem and you can't change that.

I wish you all the luck in the world. It is really helpful to check in every day or so. There is a chat at 6 pm central time. I have yet to make it to that, but am looking forward to getting to talk to some of the other wives in real-time. I encourage you to surround yourself with folks with a positive attitude. You need encouragement and support right now, not people telling you how horrible this life is. You have definately come to the right place. I'm looking forward to seeing you on here regularly as you get adjusted to your new life.

Jan 21, 2010
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Focus on the good
by: EricsWife

You really need to focus on the good of the situation or your will be in trouble. There is a LOT of good in this life. First and foremost, you need to occupy your time. I recommend getting a job. If money is tight at your house, this will help to alleviate some of the financial burden from your husband, allowing him to pass on some of the longer runs that will keep him away from home.

My second suggestion is to ALSO go to school, a trade school or university, anything that will help to enable you to earn more money for the family and to better yourself for your husband. He should not have to shoulder the burden of bettering himself and providing for the family alone. Conducting both of these activities at the same time will fill a large portion of your time, leaving less opportunity to get lonely, bored, depressed, or lead you to engage in long lost behaviors. I know of what I speak. I am a mother of three who works full time, goes to school, and is a recovering addict. It's not easy, but you can do it. Working and going to school also alow you to interact with others, make friends, and focus on something other than your new single wifehood.

It is easy to get down. I have a great attitude about my husband's job, but I still have times that I feel down about it. The missing him is very hard on all of us. This is normal, but don't let it consume you. I allow myself to feel bad for one day and one day only. After that, I force myself to suck it up and continue on. This is VERY difficult, but you can never ever succumb to the depression or it will be the end of you and your marriage.

Jan 21, 2010
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The crystal ball says....
by: Jimmy

Dedicated runs are a possibility. But, be prepared for long lonely nights if he is going to be a truck driver. Jimmy

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