My trust has gone out the window brought on by internet dating sites

by Vicky
(Texas)

My fiance is a truck driver. When I met him he had a local job and was home every night. We had a wonderful beginning. With the economy being they way it is, he was laid off and had no choice but to truck drive to keep our house afloat.

Three years into our relationship I found myself pregnant and now a mother to a beautiful little boy. It's hard enough to raise a child, let alone doing it all by myself (or so it feels like it).

That is not the only problem. I recently found my fiance logging in to dating websites where he described himself as a single otr truck driver.

This broke my heart let alone my trust in him. I confronted him about it and surprisingly he admitted it and said he would never do it again. He blamed it on being bored.

It has been about a month since the incident and a few days ago I found out he has been doing the dating site thing again. My heart sinks just thinking about it. I again confronted him about it. This time he denied it!

This morning I received a text message from him saying he missed and loved me and wanted to know if I was willing to fix our issues. I am completely heartbroken and confused. While I don't want to have a broken family, I also don't want to have another heartbreak.

Has this happened to anyone out there? I am desperate for advise from someone who has gone through the same thing.

Vicky

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Sep 13, 2011
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2 cents in case you need some change one day
by: hervy

Here is my 2 cents....

I agree with what L said...about letting him know how you feel in a very very serious conversation and that you WILL not be tolerating that behavior.

However if you have been tolerating it for a while it's a bit different to now stand for yourself and have him respond immediately, it make take some time of you standing up to questionable behavior.

Also, it would seem that there should be some boundaries and release of privacy in order for you to feel more comfortable and for him to show good faith in caring enough about the relationship and wanting it to flourish and not fizzle.

I also agree with what someone said about trying some counseling. It kind of put things in perspective for both of you and yet neither of you will be pointing the finger.

The internet is like a gun, it can be a useful tool or a weapon of destruction. I think people have not yet began viewing it in that way, and they take it for granted.

Many relationships have and will be broken up because of it and people slipping just a little at a time until next thing you know, there is too much fun and excitement to back out of what has been started.

The key is for people to put up boundaries about how they will conduct themselves and what they will allow themselves to be involved in. Joining those types of sites is asking for a problem. Especially if the person is naive or of poor character.

Think about it, for the most aware, upstanding and honest person it can be very tempting.

The very nature of being online in today's interconnected sites means you will be exposed to people you don't know if you are at all actively engaged in socializing. On social networks in particular and dating site especially, that's what they are for.

Which goes back to the need for counseling because someone is not showing the smart behavior of a married man.

We really must decide what we want for the future and act upon that desire now.

Take a listen to this CD. It might be something that you want to get for him to listen to.
Especially listen to track 13

Sep 03, 2011
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step up to the plate
by: Anonymous

Tell him you are not looking forward to being a single parent, but if he continues this sort of behavior you will seek that option. I would give him another chance and like one of the other comments get RID off the cell phone package or computer usage and hold him accountable.
He has to understand that he needs this to happen to help rebuild trust. Make sure he reads that old saying, "The grass isn't always greener on the otherside."

Another thing dear take care of yourself don't let your unborn child feel the stresses if possible. Best of wishes. Take Care.

Aug 30, 2011
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i'm sorry
by: l

Hello Vicky

I'm really sorry to hear about your heartbreak but i do understand how you feel. It's very hard being with a truck driver when they are gone so long, But you to have to understand they do get lonely and i'm not saying you don't but do you call him and send texts that make him feel wanted and needed. I went through the samething awhile back and now since i made it clean to him i won't put up with it he has made a big change and it has help us also. I do at times go with my husband and i see how it is out there and i have seen alot of women out there just trying there best to make these men to the wrong thing but most of the men i've seen will tell these women to move on that they have a loving woman at home.. I know your came from a dateing site.. that's why my first husband and i got divorced. It's a hard life being the one at home and missing them and wanting them home with us, I've cryed myself to sleep more than once because i miss him so much and i've even had to get medicine for my nerves,, So i wish you the best and i hope you make it through this hard time.

L

Aug 30, 2011
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Loney and bored On The Road
by: Debbie

I would try and go to counciling. If that doesn't work its time to move on.

I too am an OTR driver. Yes, it gets lonely and bored. I solved this problem with talking books, crocheting and having my husband come on the road with me.

I need to work as my husband isn't able to due to being on dialysis. When he comes on the road I have a dialysis unit all lined up. That way he never misses having to be on the machine.

If you would like to email me I'd be happy to try and help. My email is anntrucker@yahoo.com

Aug 30, 2011
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worth a try.
by: Anonymous

Sounds like he has had some time to think about it and wants to fix the problem; perhaps give it a try. Is he using his phone to access these sites? Perhaps get rid of the data package associated with it.

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