Not really sure...what to do..?

by Jenna
(Benwood, Wv)

This was up before I got pregnant with our son...BACK IN THE DAY!!

My name is Jenna. Im 22 and this August it will be 4 years being married to my wonderful husband, Joshua Marshall Reed.

We have been together since 3rd grade, and have been threw some VERY TOUGH situations...Kind of a Romeo and Juliet story...two families that hate each other and have had many many confrontations.

But we stuck it out and have ended up moving away four hours from our home town and what family we do talk to. Which is my dad...him and my mother(step but i have nothing to do with my real mother, and I LOVE ROBIN TO DEATH!!) are the only ones who support us.

And he is REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanting me to say yes to him becoming a truck driver, cause we have 2 children and the job hes at now is just not putting out the money we thought it would be, and hes the asst manager and has been there 3 years...

I just don't know how to handle being here with our children by myself and only talking to him over the phone and him being home only every couple of weeks...

I mean how do you wives of truckers do it...Any advice will be extremely helpful!! Cause he needs to make a choice and give them an answer SOON!!

I just don't know....So please...Tell me the tricks I could try to stay strong...If I agree to do it, what are the ways...??

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Jul 02, 2012
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this life is what you make it NEW
by: Anonymous

Look honey, this life is what you make of it. I'm young, my husband is young, my kids are young & my husband drives truck & it works for us. & we don't live by family either. We actually moved away from every one we know...not because we don't want to be by them...we just wanted something else for our kids. Of course we miss him & he misses us. We all love each other very much, but this is our life style & probably always will be & that's fine for us. My husband drives regional now so he is through the house 2-3 times a wk on average, he is home every Friday & doesn't leave out till Sunday, we aren't rich, but we aren't broke either, we get insurance through the company, & so on. So it's not like it's all bad for us. Now I hope you're seeing the pattern here. Everything I'm telling you is "for us". What I mean is it isn't like this for every one, but you wont know how it is for you guys unless you actually give it a shot & that's not necessarily a good enough reason to go for it. First you need to see what kind of company he would drive for (is it local/home every night, regional where he might pass through home every now & again & be home on weekends, or OTR where you don't know when he will be home, then you need to consider what his pay would be, do they offer affordable insurance, & most of all can your marriage handle the distance 7 can you help your kids get through the transition with out breaking down? These are important parts of this type of being decision. For us, well it actually helped our marriage improved & seriously improved our communication. We talk every day 4-5 times a day at least. He talks to the kids through out the day. He has a lap top & a wireless internet stick in his truck so we can Skype so they kids still get to "see" him(plus most truck stops have wifi, but some you have to pay to use it), he has a fridge & a microwave so I know he eats healthy (I cook his meals for the week before he leaves, we have direct deposit so the money goes right into the bank so I can handle the bills. If there is a family emergency they get him straight home. The company he worked for when I was pregnant the last time (we have 2daughters) kept him local so he didn't miss the babies birth. So like I said, it is what you make it. A lot of it depends on the company he goes to work for & the rest depends on you guys. If you want to make this life style work you can & if it just isn't for you then that's that honey. Now I know I make it sound like a cake walk & it's not. There are difficulties. Of course it's hard to be away from the one you love so much & sometimes you feel like a part of you is missing. Sometimes you get lonely (especially when you have no other support) & depressed & sometimes young kids (or older kids even) struggle. But you get through those times & I don't know of anything in life that doesn't come with some type of difficulties.

Jun 27, 2012
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Good Advice NEW
by: Anonymous

Hey, I am a 22 year old truck driver who has a wonderful fiance. If he wants to make a lot of money, and wants to be home often tell him to look into LTL freight companies. Do not let him sign up with one of those companies like Schneider, Werner, Swift, etc. They pay so little it is not worth it, and you have to stay on the road so long. Pay for your own CDL, and it is far more worth it. I make $1500 a week - made $1500 a week during training...I don't have to sleep in a truck...I'm home most nights, but when I am gone they put me in a hotel. There's only 2 types of trucking that pay right out of school - LTL and flatbed, but LTL is way better if you ask me. It's a little difficult to get on with a good company...they don't recruit, and they don't advertise, but if you aren't lazy and you don't settle out of CDL school you can land an awesome job like I did. Several good companies to look at are: R&L Carriers, Old Dominion Freight, Wilson Trucking, UPS Freight, and Estes. I work for one of these companies...won't say which though lol. I had no experience when I started...just graduated from CDL school.

Jun 27, 2012
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Jun 24, 2012
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say no NEW
by: Anonymous

I am sorry your husband makes very little money at his trucking job. Saying that what I state pay as trucker drivers is exaggerated is like calling me a liar.

If you need some proof just ask! While your husband doesn't tell you what he really makes driving, he is more than likely spending it on other women and gambling on the road and could be the the reason you may believe that trucker pay is exaggerated!

If you are so miserable in your lifestyle then maybe you should take your own advice say "NO" and get out! You must led by example before you can tell other people what to do and not to do!! You sound ridiculous giving out advice when you are stuck in the situation your in!

Sounds dumb to me.

Jun 24, 2012
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say no NEW
by: Anonymous

Say no. If i had a choice, i wouldve said no. The pay is exaggerated. But the loneliness is not. Theres days i dont even hear from my man. Its been two days right now. Youll loose it. And with kids. Its not right to raise them with their dad and take him away. I pregnant with our first son and im scared he wont even be in the delivery room. Its hard on a woman. And if your use to him being home alot, itll be harder. I thought i could handle it but i feel like giving up. I have no real family or friends either, and maybe if i dod i wouldnt be getting support from a website. Which doesnt help either. Just do you and your family a huge favor and say no. Its not worth it. The stress is overwhelming. Save yourself the trouble.

Jun 18, 2012
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Yes I agree NEW
by: Anonymous

I do agree that it is a very hard to live the trucker life and I do agree that if your family is young it is better to have both parents around the majority of the time.

But I have to say one thing the money is good!! It just depends on how you maintain that type of cash flow if people are frivolous with their money then okay, and if you don't keep good records then that is how you will end up broke! In the 90's we were making 109,000 a year, and now in the 2000's we are making 155,000 per year. We own a huge beautiful home I want for nothing nor does he. He is home 2 days a week and there are 2 months of vacation throughput the year. But..... we have no small children!!

The life you live is the life you make it.

Jun 18, 2012
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Don't do this if you have hesitation NEW
by: Anonymous

This is not a healthy lifestyle for a young family. I am a big believer that when there are major decisions to be made, the "no" takes the decision. Whether it's having children, changing careers, re-locating... whatever.... the decision has to favour the person in the relationship who says NO. That's called respect.

I am married to a trucker, we have 4 kids between us, we make it work, but we are older and have been doing this since we met. Not really a huge issue here, but I talk to alot of other truckers who say how tough it is to maintain their young families. The promise of a high income is ridiculous...... this is rarely the case. He would be better off getting some education and expanding his managerial skill set.

Jun 18, 2012
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I advise against it...but that's just me. NEW
by: Anonymous

Wish I would have had more of a say in my boyfriend's decision to become a truck driver, but it's something he wanted to try so I didn't stand in his way.

We've been together almost 9 years and he went on the road 4 months ago. I hate to be a 'Debbie Downer', but it's been a living nightmare. We had always spent all our time together so I have no real friends or close family nearby to help with all the lonely hours. At least you have kids which I'm sure would keep you busy, but there will be many times you need your husband and he isn't going to be there. My boyfriend tells me he's just as lonely out there on the road, but if that were the case he could do something about it. We are fine financially and he doesn't need this type of job.

Our relationship has changed...and not for the better. We've gone from talking daily to maybe every other day. I'm almost to the point of throwing in the towel and moving on with my life. How is it possible to have a good relationship with someone you see 4-5 days a month?

Ultimately the decision is up to you as a couple. I encourage you to be supportive, yet let him know if you have any reservations. Be sure to do your homework and check out the type of home-time schedules offered by the different companies. I know that Roehl Transport advertises their policy of supporting family time, however, I don't think you can apply for a 7/7, 7/4, or 7/3 schedule until after 6 months with the company.

I wish you both the best of luck in making your decision!

Jun 18, 2012
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Dear not really sure NEW
by: Helonwheels

Well, it's not easy. But I have never read or been told life was suppose to be easy. This Trucker lifestyle is one of the hardest to deal with. If you like the simple things in life well your family really does not need this lifestyle.

Since you are estranged from most of your family you will get very lonely for the one who has been there the most for you, your husband. If your children are used to seeing their Father come home each night well you will be taking something away from them. I could see if he started out being a Truck Driver before they were born then they would be used to it by now.

This decision must be agreed upon by both for it to work and even then that's not a guarantee it will work for the both of you.

Now in the case you are looking for better money to help out with the lifestyle you want for yourself and the children/husband this could be a great job and depending on what type of driver he chooses to be, local, long distance, independant contractor owner/operator etc... Sometimes the pay is great sometimes not so great! But watch out for all the stories behind how much a truck driver makes.

Most are able to buy nice homes and have fancy cars, go out to dinner and amusement parks take nice out of country vacations>(very rarely)and have all the nicest clothes and jewelry etc... but you will have to hire a very good tax accountant(and can be very costly)to make sure you get all the tax breaks a self employed independent contractor needs to not owe a bunch of taxes to the I.R.S. this can get terrible if you don't have one.

OMGosh!!! Where/when does the pointers end?? It does not end here there are many other words from the wise and I am sure I have only touched some bases here but are important ones to consider and I am sure you will hear some other things you need to know form this site.

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