Parenting time schedule

by Lydia
(Beaver Fall, PA)

Help! My ex and I are going back to court to try once again to work out a schedule. He has 8 overnights a month. He is an otr driver and out of state much of the time. I have tried very hard to work with him and tried to be flexible in my schedule but often I will only get a 2 day notice and then he expects me to drop everything and accommodate him. Recently he told me (2 day notice) that he wanted to take his vacation time which is 14 days instead of the 8 days. Once he takes my daughter I will not see her again until the 8 days is up or in this case the 2 weeks. Although the court has told him it is parenting time, not girlfriend time, he will often leave our daughter with the girlfriend and go back on the road rather than return her to me. I've had to change dentist appointments, she has missed school events etc. because he will not take her. I need some suggestions from those in the trucking world to help me find a parenting time schedule that works. I cannot continue for the next 13 years to not plan my life and my daughters for fear he will just show up and demand his parenting time and then I get in trouble for "denying him parenting time". There has been twice this summer when I had booked hotels only to find out he came home on that exact weekend. I try to give him advance notice but it doesn't matter, he doesn't try to work around it - or maybe he just can't. It just seems like he could talk to his boss and explain the situation and work something out. I am sure the company he works for which is national has this scenerio and has to work with it. How do others of you work parenting time out?

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Jul 31, 2009
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Suggestions, and some advice about parenting
by: Jennifer S

Lydia,

I do agree with some of what you have said. But I implore you, that despite your frustration, that a girl defines herself by her father. Mothers are a necessity of course, however, if she becomes alienated from her father, you will find that the next 13 years of unplanned situations will be the least of your problem!

All I can say is this. I know it is rough on you, and if he has her 14 days a week-you have her at least 16. A father and daughter relationship is the very most important part of a growing girl's adult years.

I remember we talked about this before. I agree with not leaving her with the girlfriend when he goes back on the road. If he is running some errands, no big deal. Have it court stipulated that he may not leave her for more than a certain amount of hours.

As far as the girlfriend. it is important that if this woman is going to be part of her life as well, to not push a hateful relationship with her.

I do wish you the best. Oh hey, also. You are in the Pittsburgh area, as am I (Butler) There is a casting call for Pittsburgh area drivers and families. (Honestly legit) It is a reality series based on truck drivers. Even divorced couples. This might be something your interested in.

If so, email me at jenspast1991@yahoo.com, and I will get you the information. My family has already been contacted and chosen as a family for this series.

I do wish you the best lydia, it is so hard being a single parent

Jennifer

Jul 30, 2009
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Stability is Vital to the child
by: Anonymous

Recently when he took me to court because I would not let the girlfriend have her - she actually showed up at my house when I knew he was out of state demanding my daughter- he took me to court.

I was not violated because I did not do anything wrong. In order to try to work with his schedule I agreed to allow the 8 nights to "float" and he could give me as much notice as possible. The Judge did say that he is not to just show up and expect to get our daughter especially if we have plans. Twice now this summer I have planned special times booking a hotel and he called with a couple days notice and wanted me to drop everything.

I truly do not mind if we did not have plans. It is important for our daughter to have "Daddy Time" and I encourage it but it is not girlfriend time with our daughter. We did work it out and he did get another time off but he was still angry with me.

Now that she will be starting school I think it is even more important for consistency. He has the idea that he is "entitled" to that time even if it means the girlfriend has our daughter. I am not comfortable with that. Our daughter has expressed she does not want to be there without him. I am truly at a loss of how to establish parenting time when he is otr.

My brother tried to call the company he works for (my brother is a trucker) to find out how flexible they are with scheduling in a situation like this but until he actually applies they will not talk to him. I would appreciate any suggestions you have!

I want our daughter to feel secure in both my relationship with her and her relationship with her Dad.

Jul 30, 2009
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Lydia and her ex.
by: Jimmy

That's a bad situation for everyone. Does the visitation order stipulate what 8 nights he can have your daughter? Is he allowed to just show up and have her? The part I don't like is him giving your daughter to his girlfriend to care for. I don't think that's allowed in any court paper.

Remember, there is a child involved here, so try not to bounce her around too much. Stability is very important in a child's life. Jimmy

Jul 30, 2009
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Ok, the legal BS won't help much
by: Anonymous

Skip the legal BS and work with the situation as best you can. Two adults can work out anything they can agree on. Neither one has to abide by the ridged rules of custody if you both put the child's best interest first. If you really want to act like adult parents try doing something together with the child. Grow up please.

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