Seeing the end of a good marriage

by Kathy
(CT)

Hello all,
I have been a truckers wife for over 2 years. It has been a lonely heart ripping experience for me.

My husband took this job cause he didn't want manual labor jobs any more. I never liked the idea of him being over the road ..
I cried and fought but he said it was till he found a local job lol yea right.

Now he wont hear of leaving it. Im left with all the responsibilities and the stress of it all.
I have Lupus and most days just walking is a problem. I am alone to be very ill and most nights cry missing what we once had.

When he is home, He turned cold and mean. He demands food and laundry done right way. He wants alone time on his computer and at night its a cold shoulder event.

I feel abandoned and neglected. I think I annoy him with my illness and I try to shut up about it.
He never bother to rush home when I was in the hospital for over a week with pneumonia.

Even the nurses thought why cant he be here ??
I feel like a girl friend who is mistreated now. My kids dont even know him anymore, he changed so much.

His world is that dam truck and independents. He pays the bills but now said he wants half for himself.

I worry there's someone else and he said im nuts.
This job took my life away. I cant leave him cause I love him. But feeling this way is killing me.
Please feel free to write back,
Hunter

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Nov 05, 2012
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Seeing the end of a good marriage NEW
by: Sandy

HUNTER,

Never ever think it is because YOU arent good enough. Please, dont do that. Yes, it is hard to be there when they are not. However, there will be a time when it either comes to an end or comes to a compromise.

I have been out on the road with him and yes we had a blast. If I didnt have other home obligations Id go for longer and more often.

I do BELIEVE he became a driver due to not finding any work around home (God and I know he tried)I do believe once he puts in his time and can get a MASS license he will work here again. Mass has ODD rules when it comes to CDL BUT do believe he misses me and his family. I also believe he is running from many responsibilities too.

Whatever way it goes with us. I do not feel my illness OR my independence will be the cause of our break up. It will solely be due to his own choices and his choices of running away. As for it being in his blood....ummm I think not he s only done it for 8mts now he didnt grown up in it or around it. It just became a job. I cant go on wondering thinking and hoping. As he was just home this weekend and I had him do his own running around as I continued doing my regular routine as if he werent home. It was less stressful although I missed him but thats nothing new. NEVER think it is your illness PLEASE. you have tons of strength doing it alone. Something will give hold tight. New to this site so I dont know how to contact "you". I did ask what he would think if "I" became a driver...lol talk about stopping in his tracks..whats good for one is good for another...Sandy

Nov 05, 2012
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u r absolutely right in how u feel! NEW
by: Anonymous

I too am the wife of a trucker and also was told the job was just "temporary" until he could find something else...Well that was almost 5 years ago!
It seems like once it gets in their blood they're a goner to the industry. I feel like any job that requires alot of travelling is not good for a relationship. Trucking is great if the two people do it together, either as a team or if the wife just rides along. It is not just a 'job" by any means, it is a "LIFESTYLE". And both people in the relationship should be in total agreement that it works for them both...When my husband started out we still had kids at home (I was raising his children-mine were already grown). Well due to numerous reasons, including his very dysfunctional & volatile ex wife & mother of his kids, the kids went back to be raised by their mother. Well that left me all alone & only in my early fifties. I didn't work because I'm disabled due to a brain tumor 12 years ago. The original plan was for us to do this together because retirement was far off for us. Well that didn't work out, so here I am, now several years older, alone, disabled & my husband is on the road & I got to say he loves it! So I guess what I'm saying to you is, if you have the opportunity, GET OUT, or be prepared to be alone for the rest of your marriage. And let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier the older you get but at least when you have your spouse there every night and weekends even if it's only to share a cup of coffee, I think that is a much happier & healthier relationship & it's the way I think relationships were meant to be.

Nov 05, 2012
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Nov 01, 2012
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Lupie friend NEW
by: Sandy

Hey Hunter, you just described my life. However, my son is 19 and not so much in need of me. I too am new to the truck driver world. I went with him for 3wks and it was fun and I got to see everything that went on..the good, bad and scketchy.

When he comes home 1x for 3 days every 3wks or 4wks. We spend time trying to catch up with everyone "HE" hasnt seen. I tag along go here and there put my own stuff aside and get not too much attention. I get tired but hide I hurt hide I hate being dragged around to see ppl I could see when hes not around but dont. He says he doesnt like that i always use the lupus as an excuse or chrutch....if he only knew i hide what i do. I am on disability and coming from the fast paced world of the medical field I feel ignored and unappreciated. I am a homeowner and landlord of 2 other apts. know plumbing and all of the above besides electrical. I feel left holding the bag he comes home sleeps does laundry cleans the truck and runs around. I have decided this time to let him go on his own and do the running. Ive continued my regular boring days as if hes not in town. Seems to work better no chaos no bs no running planning exhaustion nothing. Just missing him but that will never go away. So the choice is YOURS and yours alone. Do you want to live like this? It will not change no matter what he says unless he DOES get a local run and is home to contribute to the house hold he helped create. Mine said he d get a job in the NE once his training was done. Well if you call WA state the north east boy did I mess up bad in geography. I have some thinking to do as do you. keep in touch another truckers wives LUPIE (lupus) friend.

Nov 01, 2012
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Lupie friend NEW
by: Sandy

Hey Hunter, you just described my life. However, my son is 19 and not so much in need of me. I too am new to the truck driver world. I went with him for 3wks and it was fun and I got to see everything that went on..the good, bad and scketchy.

When he comes home 1x for 3 days every 3wks or 4wks. We spend time trying to catch up with everyone "HE" hasnt seen. I tag along go here and there put my own stuff aside and get not too much attention. I get tired but hide I hurt but hide I hate being dragged around to see ppl I could see when hes not around but dont. He says he doesnt like that i always use the lupus as an excuse or chrutch....if he only knew i hide what i do. I am on disability and coming from the fast paced world of the medical field I feel ignored and unappreciated. I am a homeowner and landlord of 2 other apts. know plumbing and all of the above besides electrical. I feel left holding the bag he comes home sleeps does laundry cleans the truck and runs around. I have decided this time to let him go on his own and do the running. Ive continued my regular boring days as if hes not in town. Seems to work better no chaos no bs no running planning exhaustion nothing. Just missing him but that will never go away. So the choice is YOURS and yours alone. Do you want to live like this? It will not change no matter what he says unless he DOES get a local run and is home to contribute to the house hold he helped create. Mine said he d get a job in the NE once his training was done. Well if you call WA state the north east boy did I mess up bad in geography. I have some thinking to do as do you. keep in touch another truckers wives LUPIE (lupus) friend.

Oct 28, 2012
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Sorry in a sense you are right NEW
by: Anonymous

I am sure some OTR truckers do this, but I also do know that some do not.......some need the money bad enough that they need to do whatever it takes....a big one is that OTR is in their BLOOD!:)

Hope all works out for you both!
Good Luck and God Bless

Oct 28, 2012
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Sorry for your situation NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband just went OTR and claims he will 'get a local job soon'. I don't believe it. I honestly believe that some men become truck drivers so they can 'get away' from everything at home. They want to be 'free'. They can be away, not deal with daily things such as taking kids to school, grocery shopping, etc. They just want to bark about how hard they work to support the family despite the fact they are never around. My experience in this is new and of course I will know in a few months if my man does in fact take that 'local' job. I worry about him out on the road geting in an accident, succumbing to a lot lizard, hooking up with waitresses, and lord knows what else. He told me he likes being on the road and seeing new places and meeting new people. I'm sure he does. If I were you I would sit down and have a talk with him. In person. Tell him enough is enough and that you don't like how you are treated. Why should you sit and wait for him to be around once a month and be an a-hole when he is. Your illness presents even more of a challenge to the situation and he doesn't care! You have been doing a good job taking care of famliy and home and your kids see that. You said he takes half of the money, well, in the divorce you will get child support. He will have no visitation since he is never around. I feel bad for what you are going through and its tough. There are men out there who drive a truck and are devoted to their family and when they come home they are excited and happy. When my man comes home it is exciting. I count the days until I see him. Then when I do, we are both very happy. We catch up and of course spend lots of time in the bedroom. I hope you can work this through with him. Pray for the best and he may surprise you in a good way. Maybe he will get a local job and be home every day or every few days. keep us posted!

Oct 28, 2012
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