Still Learning to Deal with the Separation

I'm not his wife yet but we intend to be engaged this summer. I am still learning to deal with the separation factor, even though we text and talk daily.

I know that I am luckier than most, in that I actually get to see my man at least overnight, once a week, in the summer. Sometimes he comes in for a few hours between loads on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Because I was so alone in my prior marriage, and used to doing stuff by myself and taking care of the dogs and household alone, the position I am in now is not unfamiliar, and at least I have friends and family nearby that occupy my time when he's on the road. For that I am grateful.

My boyfriend has given me the gift of not having to work, so that I can relax and do my crafts, take walks w/ the pups, work on my photography, etc. But the separation is still very hard.

I don't sleep well when he's gone at all. Like today I got a text from him that he was on his way home at noon. At 4 I texted to ask if he was getting close. He texted back that he'd had to pull over to sleep, so it would be close to 7. I was crushed and shed a few tears, but I don't let on to him how devastated I am.

I know that when he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep. I'd rather have him delayed than dead. But, 7 means a quick shower, dinner and he'll crash b/c we have to do banking and errands early on Sat. mornings. He just gets home and then he has to leave Sat. night to start the cycle again.

Sundays are the worst, loneliest day of the week for me.

I think the thing that gets me through it the most is knowing just how exhausted he is. How stressed he is about traffic, idiot drivers with a death wish, accidental oversleeping, not to mention listening for every weird sound in the truck or with the reefer. Truck repairs. Blown tires. Blown budget because of repairs and tires. They still can't isolate why his a/c isn't working and we're coming into heat and humidity for the next 3 months, so that means sweating with a fan at night sandwiched between 2 hot engines, while I get to enjoy watching TV in our a/c house.

The other day he accidentally snagged a wire, pulled down a pole and the transformer punched a hole in the top of the trailer. He missed a load pick up and had to deadhead all the way down to the next stop & exchange the trailer. So I try really, really hard not to be 'that' girl who starts whining to him that I never get to see him and all that.

When he gets in, for that brief time, I never ask or expect him to do anything except relax, which he's earned, and I spoil him rotten, and wait on him too. I know how much he loves me and how hard he's working.

He loves having a stay at home girlfriend/wife, and I greatly appreciate this gift of not having to go back to work yet.

I'm really new at this truck driver's wife/girlfriend thing. We've been together a little over a year, and we started as a long distance relationship for the first 6 months, of 3,200 miles as I left my life on the west coast to be with this man.

But now that I'm here, I wish I could see him more often. I hope I'm handling it in a way that's sensitive to what he's going through.