The Beginning of the End

by Another Ex-wife
(Wisconsin)

Sixteen years ago I married the man every woman dreams of. He was loving, kind, empathetic, and attentive. We dated for three years, married and blended our families, my three and his four children.

At the time we met he had been out of the trucking business for several years. (Now I see that this is "key".) He got back into trucking again & it felt like "home" for him, but his dream was to become an owner/operator, which I whole-heartedly supported.

We jointly made the decision for me to give up my career (big, big mistake!) & to become a stay at home mom/stepmom which would allow him to go over the road.

The first ten years of our marriage was wonderful. We were truly partners in every sense of the word. Once the kids were grown and gone, he became more and more distant...as if going over the road wasn't "distant" enough.

To try to make a very long, sad story short...he has become a total stranger. If you look up "crazy making behavior", that's basically the story of my life.

He truly believes certain conversations between us take place, when in reality they didn't. He demands he said this or that, when in fact, he didn't. He doesn't listen to what I'm saying, and rather than "discussion"...he talks "at" me.

Any time there is a problem...he bolts, gets in the truck and simply drives away. In speaking with other wives (ex-wives) of truckers, we see where they don't know how to deal with the stress of every day living, they don't have to listen to anyone so those skills become extinct with time, and to stand in defense of statements that were or were not made is futile, because they're always "right".

In short, I'm living with a total stranger, and in fact, he told me several years ago that "The man you married is gone and he is never coming back". The man I married had been out of trucking for several years and was a beautiful person.

I was a good wife, supportive, willing to help in any way, but getting back into this profession has presented certain challenges that over time have caused the death of my marriage.

Because he lost all ability to communicate in a healthy way, because he doesn't have the ability to meet life's daily challenges beyond traffic and log books, (which I will say is no small feat, however, there is much more to life..), and because the man I fell so deeply in love with is gone and is never coming back, I will be filing for divorce.

I've dubed it "The Truck Driver Mentality" after hearing so many stories identical to mine, only the names are different. There is no doubt this is a personal situation, however, I am far from alone.

We all make choices and decisions, but the nature of this industry isn't conducive to a growing, productive married life.

Of course, if your husband has the courage it takes to face all of the realities of life outside of deadlines and log books, your marriage may make it. Mine, sadly, did not.