The guilt of being a wife and a mother

by Melissa
(Michigan)

Wives, I have a dilemma and need some input before tomorrow please. My husband is leaving Tuesday night/wed morning for at least two weeks and when they are finished in Kentucky they will be empty, you all know what that means.

My almost 26 year old daughter, who lives in Ohio, but is being transferred back to Detroit is staying in Ohio to finish her semester while her husband is back here working.

She originally proposed she take me back to Ohio tomorrow as she is here visiting her husband for the weekend and i stay with her til Easter when she comes back for our family day.

When I knew mike was leaving Monday that seemed like an awesome idea major quality time with my granddaughter who i hardly ever see and fun with her who i miss terribly, now to complicate this a bit more Mike and I were only married Jan. 19 so since I have been married I have spent about 20 days total with my husband and only 4 leading up to the wedding since Christmas.

I would love love love to go with my daughter but I cant see leaving my husband before he has to go. My daughter is now telling me I am selfish and can not understand a mother not helping her daughter, and that is not it at all.

Mike says I can do whatever I want he is like that always, but I know he wants me here he said that too. I feel terrible inside but My daughter is a grownup and should be able to handle her life her school and her daughter without me, not that i wouldn't.

I want to be with my husband but she is making me feel so guilty please help, I need some advice!!!!

Thanks so much

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Mar 24, 2013
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Guilty wife and mother NEW
by: Melissa

yes I have raised her to be a fine responsible woman. She is a full time mother and college student and her husband is a college football coach. My children have been urging me for years to find someone to marry and when I finally met my husband they were the ones who begged me to give him a chance, ( telling me i had no life, they had their own lives ECT. ) My daughter is the baby so was home longer then my boys, and was a little princess my fault, we always hung out I was always and included and since it was just her and I she was always the focus, now in saying this as soon as she met her husband, I was out lol. I missed her but knew this was the way it is supposed to be and I had done my job. I forgot to read the fine print apparently where at 26 its ok to still try and bend your mother to your will, and still try and punish her if you dont get your way. I admit its my fault as I always have dropped everything for her. I adore my daughter and am very hurt right now as my son in law chimed in last night to tell me what a piece of work I am, but I am sticking to my guns. I want to be with my husband. To the wife who is bitter, not that I cant understand your feelings, but I try really hard to remain positive, and I am lucky in the fact that I am used to being alone, I have been single for over 12 years and my children have been gone for over 4 years now. I have many things to fill my time while my husband is gone and I am able to retire now and I am loving it. I waited many years for my husband and I got a wonderful one after a really horrible one, do I wish I could see him more yes! Do I understand he is trying hard to build us a future YES!!! I miss him when he is gone very much, but it is what it is. I live for phone calls and text messages and we deal with it. Yes I miss the fun with my daughter and I miss my two year old granddaughter very much, but she has changed since she met her husband and has made many comments about me she thinks she is being helpful I see it another way, Apparently as a single parent who worked two jobs to take care of my family I do not score as well as her very rich inlaws who do drop everything cash included to make her life better.

Mar 23, 2013
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No guilt NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm going to assume you raised your daughter to be a responsible adult able to take care of herself. That she's able to enjoy her life as a young adult, and when you've been sitting home alone many nights since Jan 19th, and before; you didn't expect her to stay home with you or try to lay a guilt trip on her for having a life...she'll be fine..manipulation seems to be trait her generation has perfected!

Mar 23, 2013
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Be with your husband! NEW
by: Anonymous

you are absolutely right!! She is very grown and able to manage her own life, and guess what, so are you.... so if YOU want to be with your husband nothing else needs to be said.....not to knock your daughter or anything like that, but she is being a little selfish herself....imposing and saying you are selfish so she can have her way in the matter...
sounds downright selfish ya think???

Have lots of fun with your newlywed husband....:)

Mar 23, 2013
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Wrong wife to ask... NEW
by: Anonymous

Let me start by saying I'm probably the LAST wife who should be responding because of my bitterness (after many, many years of being a trucker's wife). Having said that, normally I would say now that your daughter is grown, your first loyalty is with your husband. However, the years have taught me many lessons of disappointment and resentment of always spinning my life to fit into his. My grown children and grandchildren are all in different states now, and ANY chance I get to be with them, I take! I know they (husband truckers) are "doing their job" yada, yada. But after all these years of making a living, mine has forgotten the art of making a life with his wife. Just saying....

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