Thinking of moving closer to Husbands job but his friend is a problem.

by Christine M
(TN)

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and I love him very much. He has always worked away from home. His previous job was "Wildland Firefighter". So he was gone a lot but he was home 3 full months out of the year.

We decided together on him changing jobs because he is getting older and he said trucking was the way to go because of the money. We discussed it for 3 months in and out. He has been trucking for 3 yrs now and He enjoys it. The problem started when he met a man with whom he works with and they became really good friends. Which is great that he made friends.

This 1 friend is very close to him and later 2014 and early 2015, The kids and I saw him 17 days in a 12 month period. Plus something happened that made me have doubts. Anyway. We have a toddler and 2 teens. We are thinking about moving closer to the main Hub so that we see him more and he does not miss out on his little one growing up.

My concern is the reason he only spent 17 days with us is because of this friend. Now we are moving closer to the Main Hub, but also closer to this friend. Now my fear is that he will spend all of his off time playing golf with this friend and his family will sacrifice and we will be out there alone with no family.
It will be just me and the kids.

I think of it as an adventure but I do have my doubts about moving. He drives through the Main hub state 5 or 6 times a month. Just do not know how much of that time would be spent with the friend instead of family. I have questioned it and it started an argument because 2014 and 2015 have just played over and over in my head.

Not sure what to do. Stay here and let teens finish school and not see him but 3 or 4 weeks a year or take a chance and move out there so he does not miss his little one growing up and uproot the family. Take a chance on this friend.

I will say this about his friend which I have never said about any of his friends is that he is very manipulative and my husband just follows along. And he is a total ASSHOLE and is not afraid to tell anyone that he is. Please advice anything will help

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Dec 17, 2016
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Came to a decision
by: Anonymous

After looking at some homes out there and talking about it more. We have decided not to move due to the children and family here in TN.

Kids are close to grandma's. So we will stay and make it work the best we can.

Thanks for the comments they helped

Sep 08, 2016
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To Hervy
by: Christine M

My husband is very much excited for us to move out there. He called all of his friends and told them that is was not set in stone yet but that we might soon be moving to MO. We have discussed this since April.

We also weighed out the pros and cons.There are a little of both.My biggest cons is moving my teen that is a JR, and my little one not seeing daddy. Because lets face it the coolest stuff happens between 0 and 6 yrs old. The last 1 is the friend.

I will say this I am not a jealous person and have never been jealous of husband until he met this friend and I am jealous he sees my husband more than us. Yes my husband planned on being a trucker until he retires.

He would like to stay with this company. We have looked at other companies and his pay cut would be a lot more than what we expected. My husbands point is this. He became a lease operator so he did not have someone telling him to punch a clock, and I understand that.

So we decided since he did not want to switch companies due to the good checks and he does not want me to have to work because I have worked full time since I was a teen and did not get to see my boys much when they were little due to working as a single mom after divorce. He wants to give me the chance to be around the little one. Which is awesome I must say.

So now it is that it is not if we move it is just when. Thank you very much for your advice. It is helpful and it was nice to know that I had already done what you had suggested so I am doing the right thing.

Sep 08, 2016
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response to Hervy and Ice Mystic
by: Christine M

We have discussed it thoroughly for the past 6 months. Moving out there would save us money. There is no terminal close to home. He chose that company because they are 1 of the best rated in the country for school and drivers. The company also pays very well.

His friend put the thought in his head because I was complaining that we never see him. We have looked at houses online and the prices out there are much cheaper than here and the cost of living is quite a bit cheaper and he will be able to be home 2 or 3 times a month instead of 1 time every 4 to 6 weeks. We have gotten into 2 arguments of this friend because this friend is an Butthole.

No my husband is not doing anything else that I would question with this friend. They are just good buddies. He see him more because they make sure that every time each of them is going to be at main hub the other 1 is there. So my husband see his friend more than us, because he and my husband are trainers and they hangout and help each other with students and keep in contact with each other often about students or stuff that happens during the day as they drive.

Then they meet up again when they test the students out to get Cdl. I still question it and we are going to look at a house soon. I also still worry about moving with my teens. So not sure need to think more about it.

My husband assures me that if we moved out there he would be able to come home each night after training and there would be only 1 night he would have to stay at hub due to testing they get up early and test out there at 5 am in the morning.

Still not convinced that he would not at end of day go play golf and forget about us until he was done then come.

I know a game of golf last 4 to 5 hours I have walked the 18 with them.

Sep 06, 2016
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Moving Closer
by: Ice_Mystic

Okay, well first question is; Who's idea is it for you to move closer to his Hub?

IMHO; I think I would have serious concerns about this situation with his friend. Are they just "Friends", or is something else going on? Just because he's married and has kids doesn't mean anything.

I understand that sometimes guys need to hang out with guys, but a man who chooses to spend more time with his friend then with his wife and children. I don't know, something is not right there.

I agree with Hervy, you need to have a serious discussion with him, if he gets angry, you need to find out why he's angry about a honest discussion.

Unless this is something that you have discussed together, and not just your idea, then I wouldn't want to uproot my kids on the chance it wouldn't work.

Good Luck...let us know how it turns out.

Aug 31, 2016
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What are the specific plans for trucking and the future
by: Hervy

Are you saying he plans on trucking until retirement? Or does he plan on transitioning into something else?

Is he saving money?

Does he have other skills because I am wondering why he choose trucking due to what you are saying is happening. Was it really for the money or because he wanted to continue being away from home. Why did he choose that trucking company? Cause just like you found this site, how did he end up at that company instead of one that had a terminal closer to home.

Also, why can't he change companies to one that has a terminal closer unless you live where that isn't possible.

I am just saying. It's a thought.

In any case, I say you have a straight forward and serious conversation with him which will kind of point you in the right direction when he responds.

Ask him, if the family moved closer to the terminal would you see him more. If he is not excited about that, then to me it seems he is not interested in that happening.

Because honestly, it seems that he should be looking for a way to see them more not you looking for a way for him to see them more.

On top of that, why would he be drawn to some guy with a nasty attitude as a friend. That is strange to me.

So I don't want to seem negative about this but the details that you are giving don't sound good to me. I just don't want you to move out there for no reason.

Of course if you if you have income and skills to make money then it's less of an issue. But if you are going to move and also be totally dependent upon him providing, that scares me with how you describe his current choices.

If he is not excited and 100% percent enthusiastic as well as supportive don't do it. I am not talking about him saying stuff like, "I can't promise anything", "Well, if you want to", etc. He should be enthusiastic and excited at the idea if he wants to see more of the family.

That is my 2 cents Christine based on what you have said. Now keep in mind I don't know whatever you have not said, so you have to weigh what you know i don't know against what I have said.

I hope things work out.

Either way, I believe you should have a heart to heart about what the future is like for you guys. How does this play out in 10, 20 years.

Make sure you are on the same page about the future.

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