This Sucks EVERYDAY !!

by TSW
(Saint Joseph, MO)

I have been dealing with the "OTHER WOMAN" the road for three years now. It is so hard to only see him sometimes for a few hours and he is back out there away from you. I only have a phone relationship because as soon as he hits the door it is eat shower and wash clothes... that is the LAST thing I want when he gets here... that is for sure. He tells me OVER and OVER that it isnt that he wants to be away from me and the kids it is just what he is good at and loves to do. I beg him to work local and come home everynight but he drives over the road. Sleeps oposite shifts than I do and we dont talk for days then we will talk for hours on end. My cell phone is a joke the AT&T guy told me he hadnt ever seen anyone talk 6000 minutes. that isnt anything and thank god for my bluetooth. So that I can do everything and take him with me. My family gets tired of it but it is the only way we are connected. Phone sex is our only stress reliever for weeks at a time. I am sick of this and at times I am SOOOOOO past ready to walk away. I should never have fallen in love with a driver.

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Jul 16, 2009
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Glad to have you
by: Jennifer S

TSW,

Girl, I know its tough, and we do understand, all of us facing it. Support systems are so important, even if it is just a friend online, that you can complain to that understands. Its so hard, on the spouses, and the families left behind... *SIGH* Boy's and their toy's.

What can be said?

Your welcome to contact me, we can vent on each other lol. I have made many friends on here--I am harmless! (honestly!)

jenspast1991@yahoo.com

Jen ;)

Jul 16, 2009
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Thanks
by: TSW

Thanks to all the comments that people let. I appreciate the comments. It is nice to know others are out there dealing with the same things.

Jul 15, 2009
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TSW wants more.
by: Jimmy

Allow me to throw in my 2 cents worth. Men especially want to have a job that they love. While a wuss job would make them money, they wouldn't be happy. Ever notice when people first meet, the first question is always 'what do you do'? I can tell you that as a man, I wouldn't feel comfortable saying I worked at a flower shop.

There are tons of job titles that require separation of spouses. Military, traveling sales, trucking, railroad, sea fishing etc. The big question is how the married couple adapts. Some do, and some don't. Some stay married, but lead double lives, some get divorced. Each situation is different.

We all have certain needs. If your needs aren't being satisfied, then you need to think about a change. You have to also consider other peoples needs, such as your spouse/kids. It's a shame we cannot predict the future, so we just have to make decisions as we go through life and hope for the best. Jimmy

Jul 14, 2009
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continued
by: Jennifer Schnittker

I can tell you last year, I was right where you were. I have pulled myself up by the proverbial boot straps and found a way to be supportive. It was the only way this marriage was going to survive. I once gave him the ultimatum. Its me, or its the job- I now regret that, because honestly, I realize he defines himself by how well he supports his family! I knew this then, but this was NOT what I wanted, and I was just having a very very rough time dealing with the options, and choices that were afforded to me in his career.. NONE.

Please don't give up yet. None of us truly want our husbands to be drivers- myself included.. I HATE IT, however, what I have done is to make myself realize that I do have a choice...

My only choice is in how I react to my own situation. This can be with his job, with the relationship with my kids, and undeniable my relationship with myself.

Don't give up yet. Give yourself 6 months, use the steps that I have provided in "Power of Thought", and In "How to be a supportive wife."

It never really gets easier, but your ability to deal with it definitely changes over time. You can only take baby steps- I implore you to believe him when he says "I don't want to do this." The job market is tough, but trying to pay bills with out an income is even harder.

Take a step back, and do some serious evaluations before taking on a divorce.

We all understand, and are willing to see what we can do to help you.
You can contact me at jenspast1991@yahoo.com. I am always willing to listen, and always willing to help someone else understand the steps it takes to make it through this happy, successful, and more importantly liking yourself

Chin up, it does get better!

Jennifer

Jul 14, 2009
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Frustration
by: Jennifer Schnittker

You are NOT alone. Add web cam sex to your scenario, and you will find that that makes up most of our lives.

Honestly, no matter how you try to crack the nut, it is still a nut. But what it highly depends on is YOUR attitude towards this situation. I understand, believe me I do, I have been here, I have been up close and personal with my options as a drivers wife.

The first thing I have to ask you is this--How strong is your commitment and your love for your driver? If you tell me "More than you will ever know" that I strongly implore you to reconsider where you stand now. NO WIFE wants this for her husband---NONE! Myself included, but I had to take a long look at my life. Do I Love my driver- more than you will ever know! I have educated myself with the laws that govern these men, I have done all the research, and become proactive. IT takes a strong woman, with a stronger love for her man to make it through this.

It does suck, and it does suck every day waking up to an empty bed, and the only man I go to bed with is my pillow that I spray with my husbands cologne. Going on almost 2 weeks now, that I have not seen him, touched him, held him. 2 weeks now that I have had to deal with screaming kids, yipping dogs, bills, feeding schedules.

You are not alone, that is what we are here for. If your choice is to walk, I can tell you now, that your commitment to the relationship was weak to begin with.

I started the series of articles on this site (Under Advice for you) so that people like you and myself could find some common ground, and ways to work through what is going on. If you are spending 6000 minutes of time on the phone every month (which I know i do as well--if not more) then that is telling me that there is constant communication with you and your driver- that is a wonderful thing and something that many many couples do not have! Its a place to start.

The economy the way it is today is rough. My husband could not in anyway shape or form find a job grossing what he does with OUT being in a truck. I am thankful for the pay checks, although it will NEVER ever replace my husband.

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