Trying to get my husband to understand

by beth

well my husband is an otr driver has been for about 16 or so years so im not new at this life, but i really hurt my back and have had to have 3 back surgey less than a year.

I am now unable to work I use to work before this. Now we are have a hard time with the bills and we fight over this and i cant make my body do what i use to do.

I am in pain all the time so i have filed for my ssd. but as we all know that take forever. I wish that i could work truly I do. I think and feel like he thinks that im faking or something. it make me crazy.

he is with a company that runs him like a dog like most do he is a number not a person. we r try to make things work but how do I get him to understand what i am going though?

I just want our marriage to work but I have about had enough. we do have other things going to that has put a strain on our marriage too. He is really a good man but we really don't get anytime together as a couple when he is home.

so help me out please what can I do?

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May 26, 2012
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Turning the hurt around NEW
by: Helonwheels

Hi Beth,

You have wholeheartedly done what you can do. You are changing your life around and may feel some disappointments, just remember this is a part of life.

If you can locate in your local area a support group this will help you to rid yourself of the suffering you have been going through. I guarantee if you look after yourself physically and mentally your new life changes will go in your favor and benefit you! The most important person at this point is you!

Never be sorry for giving something your all, you tried and although things did did not work out in this situation all your hard work will pay off in another area of your life.

It is my belief that when we are sick and super stressed out, this stress affects what is ailing us and tri-fold. Think positive and relieve yourself from the stress you have been under and maybe some of your pain may be uplifted and of course sticking to your doctors advice always helps. Oh and of course prayer is a great solution to our life problems.

I will keep you in my prayers and if you need any help with resources etc.... let me know!! :)

Gos Bless,
Helonwheels

May 25, 2012
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REPLY Helonwheels NEW
by: Beth

well Helonwheels I have come to realize that things havent changed and in fact gotten alot worse with my husband and myself. I am leaving him. This breaks my heart more than anyone knows around me and since he is the money maker I am scared todeath what going to happen to me finacilly, but the arguments have went to a new leavel as much as i want my marrige I cant be the only one that wants it he has to want it too. I dont mind him being a truck driver but he stays out longer and longer so he dont really want to be with me. I cant live this way. thanks for all the advice. I just wish things would have come out different for us. My health has gotten a little worse I dont have as much feeling in my right leg and they dont know why so all I can do is pray that I dont end up homeless or anything like that. i know that i will loose my house and my dogs. cause i have to move in with my mom so thanks for every thing sorry i could nt have been one of the greater truckers wife that alot of these woman are. i did really try trust me. Its in God hands now. God Bless you all

May 12, 2012
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Hello Beth
by: Helonwheels

You have taken vital steps in your recovery process in that you take care of yourself medically and financially you have helped yourself by getting a lawyer to receive support until your injury heals.

You are doing a great job and take credit for that. People can not squeeze blood out of a turnip. These problems are part of life. If your husband does not understand this and he wont listen to reason, there is not much you can do about that, we definitely can't change how people think. Why even try.

Keep up the good work for you, this will help to keep your self esteem in tact. If you keep thinking you are worthless you will begin to feel that way and this will ultimately change how you react to situations and can be a recipe for disaster. You have a wonderful daughter who has blessed you with 2 beautiful grandchildren, why not focus on that. Children are very receptive to adults (family)emotions you don't want them to feel sad right?

Maybe you can focus on this area in your life, because I bet this part of your family will help you in your time of need while your husband doesn't seem like he is being very helpful now.

Prayer will mend your heart and soul!
God Bless and Happy Mother's Day! :)
Helonwheels

May 12, 2012
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reply sorry so long
by: beth

he also is gone 5 to 6 weeks and we get his son when he gets home. my daughter is all grown and have given me 2 beautiful grandsons. love them so much.

MY Husband is only home 3 to 4 days then gone for the 5 to 6 weeks again. it is never enough time to be together and he wont let me go out with him and i really want to so i can understand how it is for him and we could spend some value time together.

May 12, 2012
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reply sorry so long
by: beth

he also is gone 5 to 6 weeks and we get his son when he gets home. my daughter is all grown and have given me 2 beautiful grandsons. love them so much.

May 12, 2012
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reply
by: beth

Hervy, I agree with him getting a different I have been asking him to do so for a long time they do pay well but his biggest fear is that he has 2 felonies on his record they are not bad but his last girlfriend and also baby mama drama she is 1 of those woman who uses the system to get what she wants. That never helps.

the story is too long to tell. my husband says that most companys they say want you want when you walk in the door then a few months later it changes. some companys are like that, but i know not all.

I also agree with the counseling but he refuses. I would do that in a heart beat. yes 1 of my back issues was a slip disc but there was a lot going on in my body that I never knew till my had a back spazum and it all came out. I didn't have any other choice trust.

I also now have issues with my legs that go numb and fall asleep all the time. hopefully when my body completely heals that will change.

He makes me feel like a burden I feel like crap and worthless to him. he has also cheated on me since we have been married and we got married this year it will be only 3 years.

I have known him since grade school. we were together for 6 1/2 years then he left and then after 5 years and a kid we got back together and got married. I am also a christian and i don't want a divorce but if you could only hear how he talks to me.

As far as my ssd in my state it take very long time and I have a lawyer. If he leaves I will loose everything. thanks for both of your advice helonwheels and Hervy.

I'm very lost at what to do, but love don't pay the bills and is not always enough to stay together.

God bless,
beth

May 12, 2012
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Life has a way of throwing up road blocks
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you are having so many health issues, pain is something that can turn our thinking into so many directions and then leaves us feeling exhausted.

Sometimes these emotions can turn into anger and can be misdirected, so we end up taking things out on each other.

I would like to give you a suggestion that may help out. SSD can be done within one to four months if you go in the right direction. There are clinics (legal) that can help you get what you need. If you can get to one they will only receive 15% of what your entitled to a one time charge. It is worth it especially when it is a headache for you to have to apply. We have to pay others to take care of our headaches, rule of thumb.

Second, make sure you talk to your Dr. about your disability and have him reassure you that you are in fact disabled, this will allow you to know that when the papers from SSD get to him, he will put your disability in the correct format.

Third, no matter how hard it may be for you, talk kindly to your husband while he is on the road, he has many lives in his hands, a huge responsibility. Keep a checklist in mind. Make a plan to discuss, not argue with him when he comes home. You can do this with some warm food, candles with light scent, set the scene for what you want the outcome to be.

Hope this will get you started. Good luck! :)
Helonwheels

May 12, 2012
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Challenging times for husband and wife
by: Hervy

Try to deal with the root of the problems Beth.

If he is unhappy and underpaid at that company, why don't he go to a better trucking company. With 16 years experience that should not be a problem unless he has a bad record of course.

So a better company with higher pay would help.

I assume your back pain is due to slipped disc. If not, make sure that exercise will not help your back without operation. It's been know to help many who experience back pain.

Sounds like you guys might benefit from financial peace university to get on the same page with money issues. Ironically, there is also plenty of discussion about relationships too.

It also sounds like you would benefit from marriage counseling.

YOu definitely need to do something different because it doesn't sound like what you all are dealing with will go away on it's own.

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