Very tired mother of 3, per diem issues, and exhaustion...

by Ashley
(Strawberry plains, tn)

So we are not married, but have been together a couple years now, I have 2 boys from previous relationships, and now we have a beautiful baby girl together.

My guy started trucking to be able to financially support us, and it's been a tough road. He also has a child from a previous relationship with child support set sky high for one child... (Boy wouldn't life be easier if mine were set like that, and their fathers actually paid... Lol, ok, ok neither here nor there..moving on).

So, my wonderful night in shining armour decided to become a professional driver to help with our financial situation, a flat bed driver he became. wanting me to be a stay at home mom, deciding that things may be tight as times, but we should make it. Boy were we in for a loop....

First of all.. Has anyone else had issues with per diems? This company puts the per diem on his check. Then, they deduct it right back off, it shows as gross income, but we never actual see the money?? Is this right??

The hours as a trucker, well for lack of better terms, they suck! But I love him, I have been trying to be supportive. He has gotten frustrated the last few nights with me and it seems to be a more common problem these days... He parks for the night between 10 and midnight usually.

By time I get the kids to bed and baby bumpkin to sleep... I'm exhausted and will fall asleep shortly after he starts texting me. I am so exhausted though, my baby goes to bed between 9 and 10 pm then is up around 3:30am and then 5:30am or 6am for the day.

I try to stay up to talk to him, but sometimes I fall asleep shortly after that first text. It's like my brain says " oh good. He's safe and sound for the night! I can sleep now..." But I don't want him upset, or hurt because I fell asleep. And he does get so angry when this happens.. *sigh* any suggestions for this out there?

He is gone Monday through Friday, we have ups and downs like most couple in the industry. The kids miss him, I miss him. We have car issues, I need a iob, can't afford to fix the car, he's not home to fix the car.

I'm generally stuck at home alllll the time with 3 kids having to depend on rides to the dr. Appointments, to the store, we are barely making enough money to feed the kids at this point. His child support is more than our rent payment which is over $600 just saying.... Something has to give some where right??

Sorry. It feels so good to get this all out there...

We do have good times, we enjoy his weekends home, if you can call them that, time home ranges from 12 to 48 hours ( 48 hours has happened 1 time.. Lol), usually more like 12 to 24 hours home.

He is an amazing father and tries to restore order to the house when he is here. I know being over the road takes its toll on him mentally and physically.

The look on our Daughters face when she realizes daddy is home is amazing, she lights up, the boys miss him and ask when he is coming home now.

As much as a pain and as hard as its been, it has honestly also brought us closer as a family. We do talk more as a couple, about everything. About the kids, his day, my day, this issues in the house, the bills, I send pictures and try to keep him included in the exciting events of the week, videos of adorable moments with the baby, of kids concerts, Facebook and other social networks Ryan are wonderful for helping with these moments as well.

Through it all, even though it may not always be perfect or ideal, we stick by each others sides, we have had some reeeealllly hard times starting out, ladies, it's not easy by any means we have been through a lot!

No heat for weeks.
No car.
Working his butt off And barely clearing $100 a week for our bills.
Home time that is hardly worth calling that.
Financial struggles.
Behavioral issues with the kids due to the changes.

But, it is worth it, he strongly believes this is the answer, and things will get better. I love him, and I believe in him. We can only hope for and pray for the best. It is a struggle, I worry about him everyday, and count down the moments until he is home. But he is the love of my life and I support him. Sometimes, we just need a little help along the way..

Comments for Very tired mother of 3, per diem issues, and exhaustion...

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Apr 09, 2014
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Retired trucker NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank you very much for your input on the situation. We/I really appreciate it!

Mar 28, 2014
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gets better NEW
by: retired trucker

he needs to get time behind the wheel then move to a better company i work for good an bad companys but after a few years i made decent money 50k plus a year company driver go to court reduse child support my son did with him being on the road a lot falls on you sorry you have so much pressure at home but i ve been in his place hundreds of miles from home an feeling helpless that he can t be there to help you puts a lot stress on you both i hope things get better for you an him

Mar 28, 2014
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Mar 27, 2014
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Hervy NEW
by: Anonymous

Everyone should have a right to their opinion. Deleting others posts or responses infringes on the right to speak one's mind.

If individuals do not want to hear what they say given back to them in their own words, they should not posts those types of issues here, and just get to the point of the true nature of their questions in which they would like a reply or response on.

If they are venting then it is to be expected for some to have stronger opinions than others that is what makes us all different. For if we were all the same this world would never go round and we would be stuck in a world of havoc.

Just saying.......

Mar 27, 2014
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Hervy, Many thanks :) NEW
by: Ashley

Hervy,

Thank you for your support and wonder advice on the situation. I didn't even think about the per diem issue being related to a co. Policy, I thought per diems were all set by a standard rule or law set by the government... I will give talking to the company another shot. :)

And I think you also give some wonderful suggestions on the 'falling asleep issue' as well. I think letting him know that if he doesn't call by midnight I am just most likely not going to answer, I'm most likely just dead to the world. Lol

Thank you again for your support and advice!! It's greatly appreciated :)

Mar 27, 2014
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Tired mother NEW
by: Hervy

Ashley, you are exactly right. The website is not for bashing each other! Those messages were deleted.

A per diem is usually for meals, lodging or other expenses related to the job that might occur while on the road. It is a set amount given pre-taxed. I never have had it taken back but I think there are employer reimbursement policies related to Per Diems. You might want to ask for an explanation from the company.

If the company doesn't pay a per diem then you would take the number of days spent away from home and multiply it by the per diem rate for the year. For 2014 it is $59. You then take 80% of the amount. This is the standard deduction.

When you guys do your taxes use a preparer that is familiar with does taxes for truckers.

I am not an expert on taxes or per diems, lol.

As far as your husband getting mad because you fall asleep, I think when he comes home that you make him experience what you experience when he is gone. Let it sink it to his mind a little better.

Sounds like you all are working it out pretty well, just needing a little tweaks and adjustments here and there. Both of you need to make sure to put yourself in the other person's shoes and just be mindful and appreciative.

Talk about the expectations of each other so that there is no disappointment. For instance, if he isn't able to call by a certain time, you will not even answer. (Explain why, of course)

OR.......if you do answer you will be on the phone for X amount of minutes and then you are off. That way, you don't fall asleep, you get to say Hello, I Love You, I miss you and Good Night.

OR.....if you answer and you DO fall asleep he can't get mad. Either you don't answer or he doesn't get mad if you fall asleep.

Agree upon it and that's that.

(That's an example of what I mean about expectations, you two have to come up with your own rules, lol. Maybe that one will work.)

Mar 27, 2014
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Really...
by: Ashley

Wow, you know I thought this website was to share your experiences, ask questions, get advice, and be supportive of others in the same or similar situations.

I didn't put this up here to be bashed for having children outside of marriage, I put this out there to let others know that's its not a walk in the park, but it is getting easier.

I put the financial aspect of it up there to get an insight on the Per diem issues. I have been researching but have found nothing about company's adding on your per diem, then taking it away and wanted to see if this is normal...

My children are happy, I'm exhausted because I have an 8 month old who still wakes up 3 times a night to nurse, and I'm doing it alone during the week, not because they are too much to handle.

I'd do it all again in a heart beat, my kids are worth every second of it..

Mar 26, 2014
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opps forgot to mention...
by: Anonymous

You are not really getting back in your per diems write them off in your taxes.

truck drivers can write up to 80% of their travel expenses such as food showers gas room/board etc read the tax laws they are easily found on the IRS website...

From Sorry!

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