We have only just begun...

In a way, I have been a truckers wife for about a year now ( will be on my birthday in August anyway). But i have just started.

The last job he was in was driving pump trucks to oil well sites. it was unpredictable and I didn't like it. We figured out that while the money was great (like total shock that there was more than 100 bucks left after bills and gas and everything), it wasn't worth our marriage.

For 7 months it kinda of put a wedge in between us. All the weight (household, bill paying, my 2 year old nephew) shifted to me.

When he started the job I was in the 2nd to last semester of my schooling to be a teacher. That dream faded and derailed badly. As soon as I decided to drop the classes ( I was not given much choice and will have to transfer to continue in that degree if i choose to) I was given responsibility for my 2 year old nephew. I pretty much became a second parent to him because his daddy wont take responsibility. If his mamma didn't have him, I did.

I was also working while in the hardest part of my schooling. I had put in my two weeks and two weeks later I was done working and done with school. I was crushed but school had become a brick wall that wouldn't budge.

I learned quickly how to manage with a 2 year old by my self. But i would break down every single week. sometimes it was over his employer telling him to go to Louisiana the next day or North Dakota for 3 weeks.

I reached my breaking point when I was coming home from church on a Wednesday night and got my first ticket. I simply did not have the switch to my headlights out all the way. My mind was going "great, one more thing to do when i am stretched by everybody and everything as it is".

I came home bawling and Jeff was supposed to leave in a few hours for north Dakota. We got into it, and he called to tell his boss he wouldn't go. Of course i am sure they were mad and disappointed. And i felt bad that he didn't go because of me.

It had just gotten to a point when it was easier for him to be gone. It was one less thing to worry about. instead of washing his clothes, cooking, more cleaning, and everything else. He went into work the next morning and they fired him. That just made me feel worse.

For the next 3 days , I crashed and zoned out. I felt since he was there and it was my fault anyways that i needed to reboot. I was exhausted. I always went to bed late and woke early. I just needed a few days to just not care. Of course then we both had to job hunt and I found it almost impossible for me to between jeff hunting and me having my nephew.

The next week my nephew went into day care. I was getting burnt out anyway. The day of my court date for my ticket came and all i wanted was to pay as little as possible so defensive driving was out of the question. The judge lowered my fine for the ticket (Thank GOD! We just did not have it).

The next day Jeff got a job for McElROY trucking. Talk about a blessing! but at the same time I regret letting him drive again. but hes supposed to be home every weekend. maybe even during the week after orientation is over. hes got 5 more weeks of that.

in the meantime we have to find a place to park a flatbed trailer and the truck when he drives one home after orientation. that gives us 5 weeks or so to find and close on a place. We might as well buy a place. if it wont fit a truck its out of the question. I don't mind a trailer house, as long as its in good condition.

I just am ready to make a place a home for more than a year. we have yet to stay in a place for more than a year since we have been married. and we have only been married 3 years come May. I am ready to settle down but I am not sure how this trucking job will go.

I have seen more bad examples of families in this business than good. The only good example I know are a couple from my church who's husband did it back in the day. I need advice and anything that will help me adjust all over again.

This last year has been very very rough. I love my husband so much but I want our marriage to be stronger. I know I could never leave him or hurt him. He already says I have what it takes to do this but I do not see that.

He's always says I am a strong woman. I just want to believe he is right. And I always want to be as good to him as he says I am.