Where do I even begin!?

by Rhonda
(California)

Alright, so I just married my husband on July 7th of this year. Our relationship progressed very quickly (we met only a year ago or so).

When I first met him he was unemployed. So, I encouraged him to find work. Much to my dismay he decided on trucking.

Now, I had always known myself enough that I would have a hard time with a career that would take my man away from me for extended periods of time. But, I set out to do my best at supporting him and hopefully get to the point where one day we could find a better alternative than OTR trucking.

The company he works for is 21 days out, 3 days home. The first couple months were rough. I admit I was struggling with it and made sure he knew that.

Well, here comes mid-December of 2011. We take a trip to Disneyland where he proposed... 2 or 3 days later- he is back on the road. 3 weeks later (early January of this year) he comes onto home time. So, I go pick him up at the shop (the truck needed service) and spend the day with him as usual and happy to have him home. Then IT happened...

We were getting ready to leave to pick up my daughter from school and I saw something strange on his phone. I asked what it was and he wouldn't show me. Well, after picking up my daughter I demanded he show me because it just wasn't feeling right.

He handed me his phone and BAM! It's a picture of another woman along with a text message conversation that was definitely not appropriate. Long story short... He was "lonely" at night so he wanted a "friend" to talk to. So, he met her online on a social networking site and exchanged phone numbers.

Of course he never informed her that he was engaged. So, things progressed as most young, new relationships would. Now, they never met in person and things never got SUPER inappropriate according to him. But, it was still unfaithful and broke my heart.

As if that wasn't bad enough, a few days later my dad ended up in the hospital and passed away about 4 days later (after my fiance was back on the road).

So, I'm trying to put my trust back in him and what does he do? He LIES to me multiple times about watching porn. Now, porn is not my favorite thing... But, LYING? After everything else?
Needless to say, trust doesn't exist at this point. And, in my opinion, trucking played a role in all of it.

So, I need advice, input, anything to help me figure out where to go from here. I love this man more than words can express and I want it to work. Is it possible?

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Aug 27, 2012
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Let God handle it! NEW
by: Nadine

Hi everyone,

I am a Christian woman with a trucker fiancé'. He is new to trucking and is already struggling with lust on the road. I prayed about it and given him some words from the bible for him to meditate on so he can see the repercussions of his actions and what it will cost him with God and me if he continues. If you or anyone would like this list of bible verses about Lust and Pornography let me know and I would be more than happy to share it with you. I love you ladies and you all have a blessed day (labrishcommunications@yahoo.com)

Aug 16, 2012
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Trucking is not the only job that has cheaters NEW
by: Helonwheels

Although you state that the fact that he was on the road and that this is what caused him to cheat is farthest from the truth.

It is time to quit blaming the jobs for cheaters.
This type of behavior is not caused by a job. Cheaters come from all walks of life, all types of jobs and the jobless.

Cheating is a behavioral problem, this needs to be addressed by some form of counseling to find out the reason he/she cheats.

Here are some (real) reasons individuals cheat:

Low self esteem
Childhood trauma
Lack of social skills
Lack of morality
Watching a family member cheat{Mom/Dad etc..}
Drug addiction/sex addiction
Stress/inability to handle life on life's terms.

There are more and if you want to get to the bottom of it try counseling for you and then offer for him. But do not force it, it must be on the individuals want to change the behavior before it will work. If you can not handle the situation then just remove yourself and things will get better for you.

We cannot change others we can only change ourselves.

Good luck!
Helonwheels :)

Aug 15, 2012
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Response: Where do I even begin? NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry you are going through this. You are right, trust is a big thing. In my first marriage my husband destroyed any trust we could've had with affairs, lies, and abuse. You have to trust your instinct. My thoughts are that I wouldn't blame trucking though. Some men will eventually cheat and break your heart and some wont ever. Also, if he was lonely he could've turned to you for support and comfort. He has to work hard at earning your trust back and making you feel secure. I hope it works out. Keep us posted.
Lolli

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