Why Am I Being Mean And Nasty as New Truckers Wife?

by allison
(Bristol. PA)

Hi, I'm not really sure how to start this, my fiance is a truck driver he has been since 2012 and its can be hard.

I am trying my best to you know do my own thing and it can be really hard, its been especially hard since over the past two years.

I lost my brother and my unce so its been hard and lately I just feel more clingy to him. I wasn't always like that you now but things have changed and now I get mad when I don't get to talk to him. I get mad and I know he works hard and does what he can but still I get mad.

I feel like he doesn't care, and I know he does. I just dont know, when he started i was sad but now I am even more sad about it. I try my best to brush it off.

I dont know I think im being selfish I dont know. we have been together for almost eight years and its like i keep telling myself stop doing that he doing this to pay bills and to get stuff done so why am i being mean and nasty?

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Sep 14, 2019
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You're Not Being a Mean Truckers Wife
by: Hervy

Allison I don't see it as being mean and nasty. You seem to be coming around to a better space.

The reason that I say that is you are mindful of your perspective and you are questioning if it is warranted.

There are plenty of people who act a pure fool, accusing the spouse, cheating etc and don't even recognize it as foul.

You haven't said that you are doing anything that malicious or cheating yet you are aware that your response/behavior might be unfair.

Not to mention the losses of close family you have suffered recently can mentally affect your well being. (If you need counseling you should get it. Because you can't let this affect you forever.)

So.... don't be so hard on yourself. Instead take in the facts.

You said you know he cares.
He is supporting the family.

And what might not be so obvious....

This DOES NOT have to be a permanent situation!

If you think about what you want the future to be like, then you can work on a game plan to make it a reality.

He's been driving long enough to find ways to make at least $70,000 a year company driver or more as owner operator. You can limit your expenses and save to invest in a business to transition out of trucking.

Just food for thought.

Point is you talk to each other about the state of the relationship and plans for the future and seek any counseling that you might need, you will just continue to have a better feeling about the relationship.

NOW ON ANOTHER NOTE (and perhaps related even if subconsciously)

Why haven't you married yet? (Don't answer to me, answer to yourself or ask him) Not asking to pry but if that is something that is bothering you, it won't help your mental wellness unless there is a reasonable explanation.

OBVIOUSLY, if this is something that you have both agreed on and it doesn't bother you completely ignore this.

My point is if you are planning to be together and it bothers you that you are not married and there is no reasoning that you find acceptable (sensible) then it could cause you to question the security of the relationship. That doubt or void would definitely be a factor in you being clingy especially after loss.

Here are some pages that you should read and also there is a pdf download that you can use for discussion with him about the relationship future.

Tips for a truckers wife

On this page you'll find the pdf download.
Improving long distance relationships

This page is about thinking ahead for the family
Planning ahead for the family

So bottom line, instead of downing yourself, just focus on improving your mindstate and the relationship overall.

Focus on what's right and how you can make it even better. Remembering that the live you two are living is an investment in the future life that you desire.

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